Am I just rationalizing my bad behavior?

So, I have to ask myself – Am I just making this argument because I want to look at porn and still go to church and identify as a Christian.

Yes – and No.

I believe in Veritas – in Truth.  I believe in Truth when it hurts me.  But I also believe in it when the Truth, “sets me free.”

I lived for decades attempting to control my erotic impulses.  I felt guilty each time I indulged.  My wife and I had many a tearful confession time.  I did not, during those decades, attempt to rationalize my behavior or excuse it.  I attempted to pray, to become more holy, to redirect my desires in “holy” directions.  I memorized dozens of chapters of the Bible to quote during times of temptation.

Why didn’t I examine the Bible and see if all of my unsuccessful efforts were unnecessary?  Because – of course – I didn’t want to simply justify my bad behavior by scriptural reinterpretation.

But, sometimes, just sometimes, the reason I am fighting so hard and failing is because God never intended me to fight that battle in the first place.


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