Christians are not addicted to porn

Using science to support a religious position
No, Christians are not “Addicted” to porn

Every temptation is not an addiction.  Addiction is a medical term, not a spiritual one.  As the churches have stopped preaching the gospel of Jesus, they have begun preaching a secular “health” gospel.  But while surrendering the authority of the Bible and Christ, they are attempting to argue for the same traditions that held over from more religiously oriented times.

Therefore, while no longer preaching against “lust” they wish to preach against “sex addiction.”

The problem is that medicine is a very poor substitute for God.  This article fairly represents how the “porn addiction” nonsense started and why it is not science.  If you want to argue against pornography based upon scripture – great – let’s have that discussion.  I admit that you have at least a few strong points to make.  But if you want to attempt to use MEDICINE then you have nothing of interest to say.

Firstly, the porn addiction advocates have nothing interesting to say because they are not physicians.  None of them have any degree higher than a bachelor of arts – except for the occasional, Doctor of Divinity.  They don’t do original research, they don’t know how to conduct a clinical study.  They don’t know the difference between cohort studies, cross-sectional studies, longitudinal studies, clinical trials, etc.  They can’t separate between correlation and causation.  They don’t know a category I statistical error from a p-square analysis.   They just go searching through google (not google scholar) for any article that supports their pre-determined view.

This is called “confirmation bias” and no one who is participating in it should be allowed to treat anyone.

Secondly the porn addiction advocates have nothing interesting to say because they are arguing dishonestly.  If you have a moral or religious position, then that is fine – I have several items that I believe on faith myself.  For example, I believe that Jesus was born of a virgin.  But it would be insane for me to start trying to prove parthenogenesis (scientific virgin birth) is possible in human beings.   It is not.   The virgin birth is a miracle, it is not subject to the reasoning of science.

The religious argument against porn is based, I believe, on tradition.  A tradition that is very old and has gained ascendancy in the evangelical church for the past couple of centuries.  Tradition is not unimportant in religious and moral arguments.  Tradition does not always arise by accident and usually has or had a good reason for it in the past.    But don’t try to defend it by bringing in poorly understood subjects in science.  You simply make yourself foolish.

Finally, the porn addiction advocates have nothing interesting to say because the science doesn’t support their position.  Addiction is a very specific thing.  At its most basic, it always includes progressive tolerance and pathological effect.

Progressive tolerance is the need for greater amounts of the drug in order to gain the same effect.   At first 2 beers could get me buzzed, but now I need 10.  But porn only has this effect in the short term.  Once the participant has masturbated, it requires more arousal for him to reach climax.   But porn does not have this effect over the long term.  In fact, the exact opposite happens.  The porn viewer becomes more sensitive to porn as he watches more.

In an addiction, the sufferer needs more and more of the substance and enjoys it less and less.  This does not happen in porn and sex.  When a virgin couple first get married, their sexual unions are awkward and not terribly enjoyable.  Only after practice and frequency do they find greater and greater fulfillment.  All of sex works this way.  Including porn.

The stories of men who started with playboy and ended with torture porn are nonsense.  This fairy tale was made up by mass murderer Ted Bundy in an interview with “Dr.” James Dobson.  Bundy was trying to find a way to get out of the death penalty.  Unsurprisingly, Dobson fell for it and began a movement to get Bundy off.  Dobson has a long history of being a good patsy for anyone with a good story.

As any regular viewer of porn will tell you.  We do seek higher quality porn, but not more perverse.  If porn had to get more perverse in order to be enjoyable, then I should be pretty deep in the mud by now, since I looked at my first playboy at age 11.  But, in fact, I don’t like perverse porn.  I like a nice high quality video or a couple who show love for one another.

One might argue that my desire for “higher quality” is an increasing tolerance, but this is like saying that enjoying steak is an addiction because one looks for a better restaurant as we grow older.

Secondly, an addiction requires pathological effect.  It must hurt the participant.  This is why tobacco is an addiction, but caffeine is simply a habit.  Porn has not been shown to increase pathological behavior.  In fact, the opposite is true.  Sex crimes go down when porn becomes more available.  Single men seek out fewer illicit liaisons and seek a higher quality of relationship in the women that they court.

If you reply that porn is pathological because it causes problems between couples in which the wife has been indoctrinated with an anti-porn belief, then I am going to tell you that meat is an addiction because you upset vegans by consuming it.


Christians should watch porn

What All Christian Boys Do
A Normal Christian Young Man

I grew up with the typical Christian upbringing.  Which means that as a young teen, I sometimes went to the supermarket, hung around the magazine wrack, hid the playboy in a Sports magazine and looked at naked girls.  I felt horribly guilty after I had done this, of course.  Because I knew that I had “sinned.”

The Bible says that all have sinned, but does it say that all have sinned in exactly the same way?  So what Christian American boy will tell you that he didn’t do this?  The liars.

I spent much of my Christian teenage years feeling guilty about sex.  About 19 years old or so I managed to stop feeling guilty about masturbation.  But my guilt about my eyes accidentally straying to those girls in tight jeans continued until marriage.  Even after that, I managed to keep myself in a constant state of weepy repentance by picking up a “dirty” magazine from the convenience store every year or so.   Eventually my wife caught me, of course (they always do).  And then my guilt was exacerbated by seeing how badly she was hurt.  Then I was shamed because she took this “sin” to the pastor so that I could get “help” with my “addiction.”

So, all in all, I have had as good of a life as any sincere American Christian male.  Others who were not blessed with a wife like mine, had to deal with their spouse using their “sin” to win arguments.  “Well, I may have wrecked your car, but you looked at porn!”  Some had wives who used this as an excuse to accomplish the wrecking of the marriage that the wife intended to do all along.

Of course, there may be a few Christian men whose wives haven’t caught them yet.

Then there are those sincere Christian men who have never looked at…. hahahahaha.  Sorry, I couldn’t finish that sentence without laughing. No there are a few boys who don’t jack off – but they can be cured with a testosterone shot.

I finally realized that I and every other Christian male were losing this battle because God didn’t intend for us to go without erotica.  In fact, God created erotica.  This was his intent all along.  God likes love and sex.  He intends his people to be aroused by thinking about naked people.  He created boys to think about bobbies and butts.  He knows we think about having sex.  He also knows that the more we think about sex, the more we have sex.  He knows that boys are rubbing one out  and he approves.

Contrary to what you see in the Christian literature out there, a husband and wife who view porn do not cease to have sex with each other, and they do not start having sex with other people.  There are no longitudinal histories which show such a finding.  The studies that are published with the intention of “proving” porn causes sin are all “cross-sectional.”  These studies only prove correlation and not causation.  People with higher sex drives watch more porn and have more sex.  This is a “duh” finding.

God wants young men to watch porn and masturbate.  In so doing, they learn about sex without committing fornication.  If they are taught to respect girls and love them, then they will treat the porn as a promise of what they will get when they get married.  This is how I used porn before I was married, even though I felt guilty about it.   If we produced holy porn, then they would learn how to love women.  This sort of erotica exists, although it is outnumbered by the porn that humiliates women.

God wants young girls to watch “chick flix” and learn how good men romance good women.  They can watch sweet porn and see how they will one day make love with their husband.

Couples who watch porn either singly and together become erotically excited and have more sex.   Despite what the preachers tell you, they do not become estranged from each other.

Now, there is one way in which porn will estrange a couple – if the wife is counseled by the church to fight her husband’s “addiction.”  He will rightly resent her holier-than-thou attitude.  He will continue to act according to the biological mandates that God created him with, and the result is, eventually, a church-caused divorce.

But God’s ideal is a couple who enjoy erotica both together and separately.  A couple who can laugh a sex jokes together and jump in bed and make wild love – or tender love – or just have maintenance sex, preferably 10 to 20 times a week.

Now, there are some people who claim that this doesn’t happen.  They have told and listened to horror stories (that the church created) about the “dangers” of porn that they simply don’t believe that a Solomon-like erotic love like this can exist.  But I can tell you that it can and does.  Once my wife and I surrendered the false traditions that we were raised with, we began living it.  I once estimated that we have had sex between 10 and 20 thousand times in our lives.   Both of us were virgins when we married and have never had sex with anyone else.

God’s plan is erotic love, erotic art, erotic speech, erotic masturbation, and erotic sex between two people who love one another.


Rick Warren’s wife on porn. Sincerely wrong

Commanding to abstain from God-created pleasure
Thou shalt not enjoy thyself

Rick Warren’s wife recently admitted to occasionally viewing porn.  Because she is part of the evangelical movement she has to call this occasional use “addiction to porn” even though what she is describing is no more addiction to porn than a vegetarian’s occasional McDonald’s burger is an addiction to meat.

What is happening in the evangelical community is that the traditions of the Victorian age have become internalized until most Christians don’t even realize that we are encourged, not forbidden, to view erotica.   As a result, sincere Chritians are spending much of their spiritual energy on an ascetic attempt to “deny the flesh” instead of serving God.

Paul dealt with the same impulse in the early church when he said that “forbidding to marry and commanding to abstain from meats” was a doctrine of devils.  (I Tim. 4:3)

The flesh and erotica was created by God, and were intended to be enjoyed by men and women.  Christians sexual actions and their erotic thoughts are to be enjoyed either solo or within the boundaries of marriage, because it is within those limits that human beings can best live a holy, healthy, and fulfilled life.

Commanding to abstain from erotica is not Christian anymore than commanding to abstain from meats was Christian in the first century.


#Pornography is not #Cheating on your #Wife

One of the greatest challenges facing the man who wishes to be honest about his porn use is overcoming society’s insistence that he is being, somehow, unfaithful to his wife.

Biblically, this insistence makes no sense.  If reading about or looking at sexy women or sex acts were adultery, then God would cause us to be commit adultery every time we read the Bible, which doesn’t close the bedroom doors.  Privacy is a function of large living spaces, which didn’t exist until after World War II.

The oft quoted Matt 5:28 Whosever looketh after a woman to lust after her… ignores the context of the scripture which talks about hatred being equivalent to murder.  Every time I become angry with someone I do not “hate” them.  I can be very angry with someone without desiring their death, so also I can be very aroused at the sight of a woman’s body without desiring or scheming to have sex with her.

Only in America are women’s breasts always hidden from sight.  In the rest of the world, and in the rest of history, breasts were considered a normal, and very pleasant sight.Clearly the people of the Bible were used to naked breasts in public.  Unquestionably the Romans had no problem with them.  The Jews certainly appreciated the finer parts of female anatomy.   David saw Bathsheba bathing on the rooftop because it was obviously common for women to do this.

The shame of nakedness in history is not associated with a lack of modesty, but rather with poverty.  Poor people could not afford enough clothes to be dressed all of the time.  But even rich people took off their clothes when they were around water.  The bathing suit – like pajamas – is a recent American/English invention.

The pornographic portraits, statues, and literature of the ancient world is pervasive in all cultures.   Yet neither Jesus nor Paul and the other New Testament writers mentioned it.  They spent their efforts warning against real adultery, real fornication, and real lasciviousness.

#FathersDay #Fail, the churches are failing. Bring back the #Caveman

Churches aren't helping fathers be men
Father’s day fail

The churches are failing fathers because they have lost the concept of masculinity.

When Paul was converted on the road to Damascus, he began preaching Jesus in the marketplace.  He made the unconverted Jews so angry that they attempted to kill him.  Today, if a man preaches Christ this way he will be informed that he is not be “seeker-friendly”

When Peter was working out on the fishing boat after the Resurrection he worked naked.  Today he would be arrested and put on the sex-offender list.

When Abner sent David an invitation to be King of Israel, David told him to return the wife that was given to another man.  He went to war to keep the woman that was his.  Today, he would be denounced as a brute.

When Solomon was inspired to write a Song of Love, he made no secret of his erotic desire.  He publicly described his sexual acts.  He proclaimed how much he liked her naked body.   He talked about her nudity in detail.  He detailed his masturbation. Today he would be called a pornographer and banished to the sinful alleys of the internet.

Today, Christians expect a man to listen to his wife instead of lead his family; to play with his children instead of instruct them; to romance his wife instead of have sex with her; to play soccer instead of hockey; to drink soft drinks instead of beer.  To compromise instead of fight for what is his.

None of these things are bad.  They are just not MASCULINE.  Masculinity is not always the best thing, but it is half of the best thing.  It is the half of humanity that God created to express.  It is the half that is usually expressed by men.

No man is perfectly masculine.   I, personally, never hunt.  Frankly, I would rather quilt.   I happen to be pretty good at listening(I’m a psychiatrist, after all).   But I also have no fear of standing my ground on an issue if I stand all alone.  I have often, like, Shammah the son of Agee, stood in the patch of lentils and defend it when everyone else fled.

The point I am making is not that every man has to act like a cave man.  But the skills that make a good cave man ought to be encouraged

The skills of a caveman need to be encouraged
The Masculine Man

Here’s someone else who thinks like I do.


Don’t ask your pastor for marital counseling

Why pastors should leave counseling to professionals
Your Pastor is NOT a capable Counselor

It happened again this week.  Some friends went to the pastor to save their marriage.  The man had a “porn addiction”.  The result is always the same – the marriage is not saved.  The wife continues to go to church, the ex-husband drops out.  The children are assured by the church that their daddy is a bad person.

This is because the pastors are not actually being trained in good counseling techniques.  Most of them only took a couple of introductory courses during Bible school, learn a little bit more by practicing (malpracticing) on their people with no supervision, and then finally are confirmed in their poor practice by other poor counselors and pastors who have gathered together in organization like “Focus On the Family” which should named Focus On Destroying Fathers.

Firstly, let’s get rid of the idea that God ever intended pastors to be counselors.  Just where did this idea come from?  Is it in the New Testament.  No, it isn’t.  In fact, when a man came to Jesus seeking family counseling Jesus said, “Who made me a judge or divider among you?” (Luke 12:14).

How did pastors get into the marital counselor position?  They got there because when a couple have a disagreement between themselves, they want an outside authority to force the other side to capitulate.  The husband is not obeying the anti-masculine rules that our society has made its new norm.  The wife threatens divorce unless the husband agrees to “counseling”, but instead of going to a competent counselor who can actually help, she drags him down to the church, where she knows the pastor will tell the husband that he is “sinning” by acting a like a man.    Because of his love for his wife, the husband will attempt to feminize himself for some time.  This inevitably fail.  When he does fail, the wife will feel holy as she disobeys the direct command of Jesus and leaves him.  The church ladies who all participated in the gossip surrounding this breakup will all comfort the ex-wife that she “tried” and the man will be ostracized.  The pastor is called into testify that the husband didn’t cooperate with counseling, the children are handed to the mother and told that the father is bad.

No, this has never happened to me.  My wife likes me to be a man.  Oh, yes, the sisters of the church have tried to force her to adopt the pervasive man-hatred of the church.  These women are now divorced and our marriage is strong.

The reason that pastors make bad counselors is because that they look at things in the “sin-righteousness” paradigm.  This is not bad.  The church is supposed to teach righteousness.   They are supposed to teach healthy behaviors and good habits of life.  So when a couple comes to the pastor for counseling, he looks for what is “wrong” in the marriage.   He attempts to remold this couple into the Platonic ideal of what he has been taught is the “Biblical” model of marriage.  He looks for “sin” and attempts to get the couple to let the “Holy Spirit” guide them into righteousness.

But, those of us who happen to be trained in human health – DOCTORS – know that there isn’t a perfect model of the human body or a perfect model of a human relationship.  Every body and every relationship is infinitely unique.  They cluster around certain norms, but these norms are considerably more diversified than untrained people realize.  Hearts are not all the same size or in the same position, the arteries (and especially the veins) are in much different places in the body that we expect.  As a psychiatrist, I know that people’s baseline behavior varies very widely.

And the “normal” differences skyrocket when you combine all of these widely varying behaviors into families.   Even if you simplify humans into 16 basic personality types (a vast over-simplification) you have 256 different combinations of just two people.  Now add in the in-laws, children, cousins….  The number of different combinations is astronomical.

You are not going to solve all of the myriad numbers of things that can go wrong in a marriage by teaching the husband to say, “I hear you saying….” and filling her car with balloons on her birthday.  Nor are you going to become a capable pastoral counselor by going out to Colorado Spring, CO, taking a 5 day course and getting a certificate.

You are especially not going to become a capable counselor when you are being taught a method that has no peer-reviewed studies showing its effectiveness.  Being told that we don’t need studies since the Bible already told us everything that we need to know is false.  The Bible gives us guidelines for STUDY about our relationships with each other.  It is not a textbook.  God expects us to develop expertise in how these guidelines are implemented in each culture.

It would be nice if the evangelical community decided to develop Christian counselors.   It would be nice if they started some peer reviewed periodicals to see how their different methods worked.  It would be even nicer if they actually read the Bible instead of just waving it around claiming that it supported their theories.  But none of this has happened.  Instead non-expert preachers have gotten together, pieced together some ideas based on traditions and then wrote books telling us what GOD SAID.

And the result has been disastrous for the church Evangelicals are MORE LIKELY to be divorced than people surrounding them.

The third commandment told us to not take the name of the Lord in vain.  This means, don’t use God’s name to defend your own ideas and your own vanity.  Don’t claim God said something he didn’t say in order to give authority to your bad ideas.

There is one other reason to not go to your pastor for counseling.  Because he already has a relationship with you that will get in the way.  You will not be honest and open with him and he cannot be honest and open with you.   I often have patients tell me that they are very religious and are very involved in their church.  I then ask them if they would like their pastor involved in the treatment team.  They invariably say “NO.”   Why?  Because they are afraid of what he will learn about them.  They don’t want to discuss their substance abuse, their adultery, their sins.  They have to go to church and watch him preach at them for a long time after the treatment is complete.  Therefore they hide the true problems from him.

And this goes the other way.  The pastor is under pressure to not say certain things to his parisioners.  Sometimes I have to tell my patients that they cannot continue to use marijuana if they wish me to continue prescibing for them.  I will have to give them a drug test before I will meet with them.  Can you imagine a pastor telling a congregant that if he doesn’t stop using pot he will have to leave the church?  If he did so, would he be a good pastor?

Don’t go to your Pastor for counseling.  He is not appointed by God to be your psychiatrist.  He doesn’t know what he is doing.  His position prevents him from giving the best treatment.   He will destroy you.

John Brown’s body lies amouldering in the grave

This political violence that has broken out today makes me fear.  I wish that I thought that this was “lone wolf” that won’t be repeated.  I fear, however, that the precedent is more John Brown than Timothy McVeigh.

In 1856, during the fight over whether Kansas would be slave or free, John Brown, anti-slavery abolitionist said,”These men are all talk.  What we need is action–action” and he began to take action.  Going into battle twice and then murdering five pro-slavery supporters in teh Pottawatomie massacre in May 1856.

In 1859, Brown attacked Harpers Ferry, trying to start a slave liberation movement.  He was captured by Robert E Lee and hanged by Virginia.

But his violence was defended by many in the North.  For example, Henry David Thoreau fasted and mourned.   A song was written and sung.  ”

John Brown’s body lies amouldering in the grave

  • John Brown’s body lies amouldering in the grave,
    John Brown’s body lies amouldering in the grave,
    He’s gone to be a soldier in the army of the Lord
    But his soul goes marching on.Later the words were changed.

    Glory, Glory hallelujah
    Glory, Glory hallelujah
    Glory, Glory hallelujah
    His truth goes marching on

    But the murderous hatred of John Brown was echoed in the verses that were written.

    I have read a fiery gospel writ in burnished rows of steel
    As ye deal with my contemners, so with you my grace shall deal
    Let the born of woman crush the serpent with his heel
    Since God is marching on

I see this anger and hatred echoed today in the twitter feeds of left and right.  I fear for my country.  We lost a whole generation of young men, and the ones who did survive were embittered.  The wounds have still not healed, as one can see in the reactions to the bars and stars flag.

But, at least the Civil War had something real to fight about.  We did use the death of all those innocent young men to begin to atone for the worst sin of our land – slavery.

But today’s fights are not over real things.  They are over slogans and personality cults.  Obamaites vs Trumpkins. Kind of Fair Trade versus Kind of Free Trade, Reducing the CO2 in our atmosphere by .000000something%.   Nevertheless the hatred is as strong.

Today, after the shooting of Republicans by an inflamed Bernie Sanders supporter, Democrat congressmen got calls saying You’re Next.

Still, today, the same reporter who explicitly called for terrorism in the name of liberalism uses the incident that he helped inspire to try to oppress his political enemies some more.  He doesn’t take any moment to reflect that explicitly calling for violence sometimes works.

Please my brethren my brethren , in the name of God, In the name of America.  Don’t do this.  Republican democracy will work if you give it a chance.  Stop.  In the bowels of Christ, Stop this hatefulness.  Stop this calling for death and blood.  Love your political enemies, Do good to them who behave badly.  Don’t repeat the most ruinous war in our history over meaningless slogans.


In Defense of #ChristianMorals, and #Eros

The nude form is pleasing to God AND man
Naked Prayer: Pleasing to God AND man

I want to make something perfectly clear.  I believe in Bible morals.   I don’t believe in traditions.  The polygamous marriage traditions of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, David, Solomon and most of the Old Testament saints were not God’s morals.  Abraham had sex with his wife’s handmaid and we are still suffering from the results.  Jacob had two wives and two concubines and, as a result, 10 brothers sold another into slavery.  David felt free to take any woman he wanted, and as a result murdered his friend.  Solomon felt free to take a 1000 women and they drew his heart away from God.

God has occasionally allowed men to depart from the perfect plan, but the result in their own lives and others is sadness and pain.  The perfect plan is, as Jesus said, One woman, One man for life.  Because of the difficulty of actually putting this into practice culture-wide, God allowed divorce – unintended serial monogamy.  But Jesus made clear that each time a couple fails to keep a family together and divorce, that they commit adultery.  Now, this adultery is not unforgivable.  But God makes it clear that breaking up a marriage is more like cutting off an arm than dissolving a partnership.

BUT if I don’t believe in the traditions of Abraham, David, and Solomon, neither do I believe in the traditions of Queen Victoria and “Dr.” James Dobson.   God put Solomon’s erotic song of love and sex in the Bible.  Therefore God, while warning us against Solomon’s adulterous ways, also endorsed his erotic arousal.

So this is what I believe God’s perfect marriage looks like.  One man rejoicing with the wife of his youth.  Both of them need not be ashamed of sex.  She watches Romantic movies and imagines herself in the arms of her perfect savior with chiseled abs, perfect buttocks, and nice long, hard penis.  So she drags him to bed and makes love.

Meanwhile the man sees his wife in every hot young thing that comes by and in every curvy girl around.  She is the wife of his youth and he never tires of her.   When he watches erotic movies or sees erotic pictures he sees his ideal wife, the wife of his dreams.  Of course he knows, intellectually, that she is growing older, but to him she is never old.

Now, the sex drive of both of these people needs feeding.  Without feeding, it will fade as they grow older.  Eventually they won’t remember how long it has been since they slept together. This has never happened to me, but I have had it reported to me by my patients.  So God gave man a way to feed that desire from the outside without violating the exclusivity of the bond.  He gave us erotic literature, erotic stories, erotic paintings, erotic statues, and yes, erotic pictures and movies.

Yes, the “Pornography” industry was born in the ’60’s after the Victorian age had shut down all holy erotica.   Even in Italy, the governments attached fig leaves over the gorgeous statues of the Renaissance and before.  Michelangelo’s David had his manliness covered – thereby hiding the whole point of the stature – IT IS UNCIRCUMCISED.

And so erotica was turned over to the ungodly.  And they took full advantage of their ownership.  Girl’s lives are destroyed forever.  A girl would be better off as a prostitute than a porn actress.  At least she can run away from prostitution.

How much better would it have been if the erotic art industry had Christians in it.  Christian married couples who acted in stories telling the glories of keeping within God’s guidelines.   Christians who would tell stories of holiness and the consequences of sin.   The writers of Christian Fiction would not be bound – as they are today – to never use a bad word or describe even a marriage bed scene, or a rape, or fornication or adultery gone wrong.

Do you know that Elijah cursed Ahab’s house by saying that he would kill all of Ahab’s family that “Pissed against a wall” (I Kings 21:21)  Did you know that Ezekial said that Israel – his wife – would go whoring after men who had cocks like donkey’s and who spurted like horses. (Ezek 23:20)

If Christian writer said something like that in her book, she would be banned from the Christian Bookstores.

It’s sad that, before the internet, the only place you could buy pornography was to sneak into some dirty bookstore where men hung around trying to catch each others eyes for a hookup.  The Christian bookstores ought to have a section of “Love and Sex” with beautiful nudity and wonderful stories of the glories of married erotic love.

Someone did make a trial of it.  “Gods and Prophets” tried to paint an accurate and Biblical picture of David, Saul, and Samuel.  It showed (gasp) titties.  So the churches all spoke against the show and it died after 2 episodes.

This “anti-porn” crusade is not a pro-Bible march.  It is a march against the Bible and against Godly morals.  It has left Christian men vulnerable by giving a commandment that they could not keep, and therefore casting them into the hands of those like Larry Flynt and Hugh Hefner who wished to destroy their souls.

Heretics are excommunicated because of a cult mindset

For some time now, Jonah Goldberg of National Review (Twitter @JonahNRO) has been arguing against the cultic nature of the new conservative movement. It is now trendy to defend any behavior as long as it is on the republican “side” and it is the height of heresy to criticism the president, no matter how malicious, dishonest, or unconstitutional his actions might be.

The same spirit has taken over the conservative Christian church.  In fact the church may have begun it.  Whether discussing moderate alcohol consumption, young earth creationism, porn “addiction”, or whatever the trendy anti-world sermon of the moment, one cannot diverge from the party line on pain of excommunication.

This is not the first time that this sort of thing has happened.  During the Reformation people took sides of Consubstantiation, Transubstantion, Pansubstantion, etc based upon whether they were Calvinists, Lutherans, or Catholics and not based upon any understanding of the doctrines involved.  Similarly, every protestant had to believe in predestination because the Catholics believed in free-will.  In my childhood, we knew that the hippies were wrong, so women must not wear pants and men must not have long hair because that is what the hippies did.  Neither could we listen to rock music, watch Jesus Christ Superstar, or like Coca-cola to much (I’d like to teach the world to smile … It’s the real thing…)

I should note that all of these all-or-nothing demands were made because a great ENEMY was determined to be on the other side. Whether that enemy was the Pope, Hippies, or Democrats doesn’t matter. The key is that once we have determined that we have an ENEMY then all individual free-will and any free-thought must be stamped out on our side lest a heretic be allowed to weaken us in the WAR.

The original meaning of heresy is important.  A heresy is not, as usually supposed, an unapproved doctrine, but rather is a leader of a schism, of a group of people who don’t take orders from the top.    Strangely enough, the excommunication of the heretic is not enforced from the top – but rather by the common people.  John Wycliffe was protected by the Lollards despite being excommunicated.  It was only when the common people were worked up against the protestant enemy that Bloody Mary could proceed with her burnings.

This blog is promoting a heresy in this sense, the belief that erotica is holy and appropriate to view.  I have to write it under a pseudonym lest people in the church punish my family.

I fear for the future of my country

Telling your wife that you watch porn

So you have used porn for years secretly.  Your wife has caught you a few times and you sincerely promised to never do it again.  But a few weeks/months later, you saw a link and… well.  There you were.

Then you started wondering why all men look at porn no matter how religious, Christian, or sincere they are.  What if the reason you keep doing it again is because God never intended you to stop.  There is no “way of escape” because there is no “temptation.”

So you want your wife to understand and (fantasy) maybe even join you.

There are lots of websites telling you how to confess to your wife but you didn’t come here to find that out.

I’m a psychiatrist and the art of psychiatry is the skill of getting people to act in their own best interest even when they don’t want to.  We do this by realizing their perceptual distortions and helping them overcome them.

Everyone, not just schizophrenics, have perceptual distortions.  Remember when we used to read comic strips (I know, dinosaur age)  Cathy had a perceptual distortion about her weight.  Much like an anorexic

Now you think that only sick people think that way, but you are wrong.  Everyone does this.  I recently got a hair cut and the hair falling in my lap was grey.  This is strange, because the hair I see in the mirror is brown.  I have to actually cut off a piece and look at it separately before I can perceive it’s true color.  I once dyed it and was confused because it didn’t change color (in my mirror) while everyone else laughed at my attempt to look younger.

So your wife thinks that she is fat and ugly.  When she looks in the mirror her baby stretch marks stand out like beacons.  Her breasts sag like a tribal woman in National Geographic.  Her hair is a straggly mess of grey that should belongs in the Salem Witch Trials and her butt is a dimpled mess.

Now you don’t see her that way (or you shouldn’t – if you do, then some family counseling is in order – more in a later post).  You see her through eyes of love.   Those stretch marks are from your babies that nursed at those lovely breasts.  You have mounted that butt with joy uncountable times.

This is why your wife has such a violent (literally sometimes) reaction to the thought of you viewing porn.  She thinks that you are wishing to be out of your marriage, to be able to “hit that.”  She thinks that you are “lusting in your heart” that you want to sneak off and “get a piece” of that pretty young thing.

Your job is to get her to see it through another lens – through the lens of romantic chick flicks on the Hallmark channel.  When Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman and Sully make out, is she thinking – “Oh, I wish I could kiss that manly tomahawk-wielding hunter in buckskins with long wavy hair”.

Quinn kissing Sully. Porn For Wives
If only my husband looked like that

No, of course not, she is seeing herself as Dr. Quinn and you are her Sully.  That’s why you take her to the theater and sit through chick flix right?  For the sex afterwards.  Yeah, I know you do and YOU know you do.

Ok, so in this feminized society where masculinity is hated, and normal men’s erotic desires are despised, how do you convince your wife to go against the Christian culture that pervades your life.

Don’t try to argue your side.  That will only lead to many long arguments which you may or may not win, depending on your marriage dynamics.  You need to tell her how you see her while not giving up your masculinity.

For example.  Let’s say that your wife has watched Game of Thrones with you (even though she makes you fast forward through the good parts).  Someday, when she is naked, stare at her breasts for a long time, lick your lips, play with a nipple and say, “You know, you look like Daenarys Stormborn but with LOTS bigger boobies.”

Now, you are going to get a rise out of her.  She is going to ask what you are doing looking at Danni’s tits.  You reply, “Hey, I’m a guy, I like titties. Wanna make love?”  She’ll continue to argue, you just keep touching her and telling her how turned on she makes you and asking for immediate sex.  Tell her that you are a man, show her your erection and prove it.  Even if this ends with, “I’m not have sex with you if you are thinking about other women” You have begun to make your point.

Then, a few days later,  after you have had great sex and are cuddling together, you say,

“God, that was hot, I just feel like I fucked <famous pornstar>”
“Who is that”
“A pornstar”

Yes, she is going to hit you.  Be prepared.  You’re playing the long game here.  She is going to be angry that you just confessed to watching porn.  Make sure that you are prepared; don’t lose your temper; don’t raise your voice; just don’t.  Your line is “I’m a guy, aren’t you glad that I’m a man and like girls.  I sure like you.  You turn me on and I love having great sex with you.  You’re the only porn star that I have ever made love to. Let’s have sex again.”

You might even ask her, “You’re so hot, can I take some pictures of you to beat-off to when I’m at work.”  If she lets you do this, then make sure and call her from work and tell her that you are jacking-off to her pictures.

Her line of attack will be to try to get you to promise to stop it.  Tell her, “Ok, if that’s what you want.”  But then say that she knows and you know that you will just do it again – no matter how hard you try.  Ask her if she wants to know when you look at porn the next time.  Then say, “I need you to drain my balls, right now, let’s have sex.”

She will try to get you to get “help” from “mindfulness” or “porn addiction”  snake oil “experts” like Gary Wilson.   This is your line in the sand.  Tell her these guys are doing just as much porn as anyone else and they are not experts and do not have a cure.  And then drop it and return to telling her how sexy she is.  “Let’s have sex.”

Now, you used a porn actresses name on purpose.  That name is going to drive her nuts.  SHE IS GOING TO LOOK THAT NAME UP AND WATCH IT. I hope that you didn’t use a name of someone you actually liked, because even after you win the day THAT actress is going to be off the table.  You won’t be able to watch anything with her in it ever again.  Ok, yes, I may have made that mistake.

So this argument is going to go on for weeks and months.  Hold the line without getting mad.  Your line is that God made you like this. You like looking at naked women.  You are a man and isn’t she glad of that.  And (the ultimate argument terminator) she is turning you on by talking about sex this way, “Let’s have sex.”

How a doctor thinks

Drunk looking where the light is better
Looking under the street lamp

This Doctor knows how to actually help his patients.

To many Christian counselors (who rarely bother to actually go get some training) are like the drunk looking for a quarter under the streetlamp.  They know only one “fact” (an untruth) that this man’s “sin” is addiction.  They don’t bother to find out what is going on in his marriage.

Yes, he doesn’t want sex with his wife because he is jacking off so much, but the question isn’t why he likes porn more than his wife, but what is his problem with his wife.  Anyone can hold off porn for 2 days until he is randy and ready for sex with his wife.  He is not willing to do so.  Why?  This is a problem that should be addressed with his doctor.

People don’t realize that we doctors spent over a decade in training for a reason – if everything could be solved by a google search we would all be nurse practitioners.

Watch out, don’t use psych labels on others to behave badly yourself

A woman describes her sad story of being married to a narcissist

My heart goes out to her.  I am a psychiatrist who deals with narcissists on a regular basis and they are very, very difficult people.

But I am also a little wary.  People getting divorced almost always discover that their spouse had a personality disorder.

So, I want to give a word of warning to ladies reading this. Don’t be quick to make a psych diagnosis of your husband. Personality disorder diagnoses are easily given and often wrong – even by experts. They are also used as justification for mistreatment.

For example, a woman who struggles with Borderline Personality traits could write everything in the article and believe it all to be true, when the fact might be that she is the one with the personality disorder traits and is projecting her poor coping skills onto him.

In fact, every Borderline woman (and that is hundreds) that I have treated has told almost exactly this story – including the “Emotional Abuse” part.


I am saying that before you use the popular label “narcissist” to justify leaving your husband, consider the possibility that you may be the one in need of cognitive behavior modification

Remember When Interracial Marriage Was Forbidden By God

30 years ago today in Loving v Virginia, the Supreme Court ended bans on interracial marriage.

Do you remember how “Evil” black/white marriages used to be?  I am ashamed to say that I used to have some racist friends.  I told one of them, one time, that there was nothing wrong with it.  He blew up.  “It is Worse than Adultery”  No Christian could marry a (N-word).  God would bar the gates of heaven against such abominations.  They even had Bible to back them – Cain’s Mark, Ham’s curse, etc.

We now know that people didn’t get these opinions from the Bible, but from their traditions.  The Bible is very explicitly Anti-Racist and Anti-Sexist (“With God there is neither Greek nor Jew, Male nor Female” – Galations)

But people use the Bible to back up their opinions, not vice-versa.

So also the modern opinion of porn is not from the Bible, but from Victorian tradition.  It would be foreign to the writers or readers of either the Old or New Testaments.

Loose Lips (and Language) Sink Ships, Countries, and Marriages

So many people are saying that we are in a “Civil War” in the United States.   NO WE AREN’T and if we were then that would be terrifying and we ought to do everything in our power to make peace.

At Shiloh – just one battle of the Civil War – there were over 23 THOUSAND casualties.  That’s 9/11 times 7.  Come on, folks.  Let’s tighten up our language a bit before we start a LITERAL war.

Similarly, I wish my anti-Porn Christian friends would tighten up their language about “Addiction”  You don’t just toss around words like that loosely.  Porn is rarely an “Addiction”.   Addictions cost people their lives. I deal with Addicts every day.  They have lost everything with DUI’s, they stole from the Mothers, they couldn’t stop themselves even when it meant jail and even after and while they were IN jail.    Binge Eating disorder (food addiction) turns people in to thousand pound invalids inhaling whole bags of chips.

The only reason that porn causes breakups is because these “PornAddict” and “YourBrainOnPorn” advocates are telling women to break up with their husbands because of his “Addiction”.  If these frauds had left the family alone, then they would be close, intimate, and be having hot sex until they died.

Loose lips sink ships, and countries, and marriages.

Tighten up your language people.

The War On Naked Women

Church lady hates naked women
Put your clothes on girl

Rush Limbaugh’s undeniable truth of life says that feminism was created in order to give ugly women access to the mainstream.

I think that it’s not just the Feminists, but the church ladies also.  Not because they are ugly, but because they all THINK that they are ugly and every other woman is prettier.  They feel this way because they have been taught to uglify themselves in the name of Christ.

How else can you explain why churches hate erotic women so much when the Bible clearly likes them.  Solomon REALLY liked them.  David certainly enjoyed his housetop view.  Neither of these men were rebuked for the erotic thoughts, but for the action of stealing what was not theirs.  In fact, God approved of David’s sexual appetite. (II Sam 12:8)

Let me be clear, God is against fornication, adultery, prostitution, pimping, etc.  But he is not just neutral toward erotica, he actively promoted it.  The church ought to have the hottest women around.  The church ought to be filled with slavering men, waiting to marry one of these hotties.

The Freedom of Christ

Freedom from anti-erotica ordinances

Col 3:20 Wherefore if ye be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances,  (Touch not; taste not; handle not;  Which all are to perish with the using;) after the commandments and doctrines of men? Which things have indeed a shew of wisdom in will worship, and humility, and neglecting of the body; not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh.

The evangelical world is so consumed with making new commandments to destroy masculinity, that they cannot seem to concentrate on preaching things like the gospel of Jesus.

The commandment to not look at erotica, read about sex , or enjoy nude women comes from men and not from God.  The Bible is full of positive descriptions of sex and nude women.  Nudity was common in the ancient world.  Christians were nude in public when they were baptized.  Peter was nude when he worked.  The ladies that Paul preached to at the river were naked while they washed their clothes (poor people didn’t have multiple sets of clothing). Slaves were naked and “ashamed” of their nudity not because of sexual modesty but simply for their poverty.  No one had a problem with this hatred of sex.

The early church preached strongly again fornication.  Jesus and the disciples expected men to be faithful in their actions and in their minds.  Christian men didn’t seek opportunities (or desire to seek opportunities) to cheat.  But neither were they expected to never think about sex or look at the abundant erotic art that surrounded them.  The rich people were not commanded to strip the erotic murals from their houses.  (Check out the pictures from the ruins of Pompeii)

Seek those things which are above.  Stop  digging around to find something holy and natural with which to condemn your brethren.

Porn has no escape because it isn’t a temptation

Porn has no escape because it isn't a temptaion
Where is the way of escape for Porn

Undeniable fact of life – All Christian men have used porn.  Most of these men also felt guilty about it and tried to resist the “temptation.”

Where was the way of escape. (I Cor. 10:13)

Oh, yes, I know, good Christian men sin all of the time.  But if the Bible is true, then SOME Christian men should be able to resist at least MOST of the time.  But this is not the case.

Maybe the reason that there is no way of escape is because there is no temptation.  God won’t help you to overcome a temptation to violate the commandments of MEN.

#Mindfulness answer to #PornAddiction? This Psychiatrist says “NO”

Addiction is not a mood disorder
Mindfullness doesn’t cure addiction

The snake-oil salesmen of the “Christian” world are trying to cure men’s “Porn Addiction” with “Mindfulness”

No, No, No.

What is going on is a deceitful set of profit-seeking frauds (like Mark Wilson ) are attempting to latch onto the newest buzzwords (#Mindfulness, #Addiction, #Porn, and #PornAddiction) to make a buck off of sincere people who just want to serve God and live a good life.

Mindfulness is a technique of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that seeks to help people overcome mood disorders.  These Mindfulness Based Therapy (MBT) techniques have been proven to be particularly effective in Borderline Personality Disorder , Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), they can also have some effectiveness in depressive disorders.

The only way that MBT techniques work for addiction is by reducing the depression and mood disorders that underlie the addiction.

In other words, addicts use drugs, or gambling, or food or …whatever… in order to make themselves feel better when they are anxious or depressed.  So if they are BOTH depressed and addicted, the MBT will help with the depression and so also help with the addiction.

This study shows how this works

But Mindfulness is NOT USEFUL TO CURE ADDICTION by itself.

Let me explain why.  MBT teaches the patient to pay attention to the PRESENT state of his own mind and correct his beliefs and attitudes about that state of mind.

For example, in panic disorder, the patient experiences frequent periods of horrifying panic.  Their heart races, they sweat, they believe they are going to die.   Mindfulness teaches them to say, “I am now entering a state called panic.  I feel like I am going to die, but this feeling is not true.  In a few minutes I am going to feel better, my heartbeat will return to normal and I will feel fine.”  In short, the fact that they are paying attention to their state of mind, instead of the fear, reduces the fear.

Now, let’s apply this to addiction.  The addict begins to experience withdrawals.  Mindfulness says, “I am now entering a state called withdrawal, my heart is racing, I am sweating, and I will continue feeling bad until I get a fix.”  Is this really going to work?  No.

The treatment for addiction is, in fact, the opposite.  The recovering addict must pay attention to the HOPE for the FUTURE, not the PRESENT.  “In a few months, in a few years, I am going to be a better person, I will be proud of myself, therefore I will put off the temptations of the PRESENT for the FUTURE hope.”

Now, let’s apply to this “Sex” or “Porn” addiction.  Firstly, it doesn’t exist.  Sex is self-limiting.  After having received the “fix” of an orgasm, the “addict” has a certain amount of recovery period.  If he/she then repeats the sexual experience it is less rewarding, etc.  Finally after 5, 6, 10, whatever successive experiences he no longer wishes to have sex for some longer period of time.   This is the OPPOSITE of addiction.

Well, you say, what about serial adulterers/ child molesters/rapists etc.  These are entirely different situations and they have little to do with “addiction.”  They are personality disorders.  They do not hit the same areas of the brain and have completely different treatments (for example, divorce, prison and the electric chair)

Finally, “Porn Addiction”.  Like “Sex Addiction” it doesn’t exist.  Oh yes, there are men who sit all day and do nothing but porn, but the reason that they are doing this is not because they can’t get away from it, but rather that they are depressed, anxious, or bored to tears.

Ok, so what about the guy who can’t stop using porn even though his wife is watching him like a prison guard and threatens to divorce him the next time she catches the browser history uncleared.

This guy is no more “addicted” to porn than a concentration camp survivor is addicted to food.   He is being imprisoned away from the Godly desires that God implanted in him.   Instead of cutting off his balls, he needs to grow some and instruct his wife in Godly doctrine.

What REAL experts say about #porn

In Moderation Porn is Healthy

Huge amounts of destructive guilt is imposed upon healthy sincere Christian men for normal, Godly behavior – looking at and reading erotica, and despite what Grandma said, masturbation will not grow hair on your palms or strike you blind.

The guilt is unnecessary.  There is nothing wrong with textual and visual erotica.

  • God, himself, told us that sex is healthy and part of normal married life.
  • Masturbation is healthy and part of every man’s and most women’s lives.
  • Reading and looking at erotica is healthy and part of every man and woman’s life.

God told us this by giving instructions about what to do after masturbating and married sex (exactly the same thing – take a bath) (Lev 15:16-18).

God wrote erotica in the Song of Solomon with explicit descriptions of the female and male bodies and many depictions of sex acts, including fellatio, cunnilingus, and masturbation.

Christians and Jews in the ancient world were surrounded by and often created visual art depicting the nude form and sex acts, and yet there is no instruction to avoid seeing OR OWNING any of these pieces of art.

Gary Wilson (@YourBrainOnPorn) is a fraud, not a doctor, not a psychologist, not an expert

NOT a doctor

Peter warned against men who “through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you”.  The newest form of this treachery is in the Christian “Mindfulness” counselors who want to get paid in order to “cure” sincere Christian men’s “Porn Addiction”

The number one guy out there pushing this “Your Brain On Porn” is Gary Wilson.  Who is this guy?  Is he a doctor?  A Psychologist? NO

He is “adjunct faculty at Southern Oregon University, he taught anatomy and physiology labs.”  In other words, he was a minor tech in the anatomy lab at a 3rd rate state university.  Any medical student in the country knows more than him.  He has never been trained on how to evaluate studies for quality, or how to form a Clinical Based Evidence (CBE) question.

When deciding to become the leading “expert” of “Your Brain On Porn” he didn’t even bother to go back to school and get a doctoral degree in neurology or Psychology or Psychiatry.  No, “Gary’s passion is neuroscience, and he spends many hours scanning the Web and integrating the latest discoveries.”

I spent over a decade of my life becoming a psychiatrist so that I could help individuals.  But Gary became an “expert” for millions of people by using Google.  He does no original research.  A search of the National Institutes of Health reveal he has never published a single peer-reviewed article

National Institutes of Health search

This man is a fraud who makes money off of the guilt he imposes of sincere Christian Men


#Pornography decreases crime.

I know it will rain on some people’s parade, but pornography does not increase sex crimes.  In fact the opposite is true

Porn Decreases Sex Crimes

A study published in 2010 in “Archives of Sexual Behavior” showed that when porn became available in the Czech republic after decades of being outlawed the incidence of sex crimes went DOWN not up.  This echoes the same trend found in other countries like Denmark and Japan

When you compress men’s natural desires to view sex, the resultant explosion is not good for them or anyone else

Scientists do not believe “Your Brain On Porn” nonsense


Follow this link to see the it proven – Nonsense

People with higher libidos look at more porn – Who knew.

The studies supposedly “proving” porn addiction did not do before and after studies.  They just looked at people who viewed more porn and compared them with people who viewed less.  They discovered that WOW, people who looked at porn more liked sex.

Duh.  And this is wondeful fact is supposed to cause Christians to make up a new sin why?


Forget facts, My mind is made up #PostTruth

Just read NRO’s Jonah Goldberg’s eagerly awaited “G-File” for the week.  (@JonahNRO).  Jonah is always fun to read because he has an almost Jane Austin ability to make a phrase both insightful and funny.

But it is a shame that I already knew what I was going to read.  Because Jonah, like everyone else in America, already have their (our) minds made up.  The hearing this week didn’t change anyone’s opinions.  We all just took out the parts that supported our pre-existing opinions and used them to support.  My twitter feed (@EdLongshank) has both liberals and conservatives (since porn is bipartisan 🙂 and no one said yesterday, “Eureka, If I had known this I would have had a different opinion”

On other subjects that I have debated – Porn (this blog), Young Earth Creationism/Evolution, Medical Herbal remedies, Vaccinations – I have rarely met anyone who actually cared about the evidence.  More likely the would take William Jennings Bryan position (“The people of Nebraska are for free silver, so I am for free silver, I will come up with the reasons later”)

This has not always been so.  There was a day when a man could say – “Every man thinks he is right on everything, but experience teaches him that he is wrong on some.  He knows not which” (I don’t remember the source of this quote).  But few men ever says that anymore.   I have changed my mind on every one of the controversial issues listed above, but I know of few others who have.

I used to think that people believed things because they thought that they were true – otherwise they would not “believe” them.  I said this to a young patient the other day and she looked confused.  In her world belief is not a matter of truth, but of choice.  If you choose to “believe” something that you don’t BELIEVE IS TRUTH, then evidence is meaningless.

This is why the president’s new meme “FAKE NEWS” doesn’t mean untrue facts, it means “statements that I don’t like”

I won’t get into who started this.  I noticed it first during the OJ Simpson trial and it got worse during the Clinton years, but it was probably around before then.

I hate to be all apocalyptic and say, “THE END IS NIGH” but I think that it may be.

A “Christian” lying in defense of his #WarOnPorn

The studies quoted by Gary Wilson do not support the conclusions that he comes to.  His dishonesty is sad because he likely believes his conclusion and believes that he is serving God by his falsehood.  But God doesn’t need a liar to win his battles.

His conclusion is that porn USE is equivalent to ADDICTION and makes addictive changes in the brain.  This is simply not true.


Let’s go through his studies.  He states that EVERY study supports his conclusions and NO study contradicts it.   Is this true?

No it is not.  He is lying about EVERY SINGLE STUDY.


#1 Neuroscience of internet pornography addiction

Let’s see what this article says

It quotes the consensus of the Psychiatric research right now.

“Excessive use of the Internet not involving playing of online games (e.g., excessive use of social media, such as Facebook; viewing pornography online) is not considered analogous to Internet gaming disorder, and future research on other excessive uses of the Internet would need to follow similar guidelines as suggested herein.”

And then says that the newer studies indicate that Facebook, porn and other excessive uses could also be linked to Internet Gaming Disorder

In other words, this article is NOT stating that porn USE is addictive, but rather that porn CAN be addictive just as Internet Gaming, Facebook and twitter can be addictive.

The article specifically differentiates between HEALTHY men who view porn and UNHEALTHY men who are addicted.   It specifically compares it to other addictions like alcohol and gambling addiction.  That moderate use is NOT unhealthy.

He is lying about this study


#2 Sex Addiction as a Disease: Evidence for Assessment, Diagnosis, and Response to Critics (2015)

He states that this study takes on criticisms of Sex Addiction and debunks them.  And it does, but it does so in a way that he doesn’t want to admit

“Research on addictive behaviors, such as food addiction, gambling addition, and internet addiction, has continued to reveal that there are many common mechanisms. In fact, the brain reward circuitry exists to motivate people biologically to eat (food) and procreate (sex) to ensure individual and collective survival. ”

In other words, this article is stating that people CAN be addicted to sex just like they CAN be addicted to food, the internet, or gambling.  We don’t tell people that if they eat food then they are an addict, so also we shouldn’t tell me that if they see porn they will become an addict

#3 Neurobiology of Compulsive Sexual Behavior: Emerging Science (2016).

He quotes an article “proving” that some people have compulsive sexual behavior….. So what?  Immediately stop having sex or else!!!!!!!

I could go on, but the intellectual dishonesty is getting on my nerves.  I should hit one more, though.   The study mentioned in #1 that it “Critiques” is actually study #9.  Now, which is the one he wants us to pay attention to — #1 or #9.  I thought that all “agreed” and there was no study contradicting it.

Finally, the author is pulling the “Scientific Consensus” argument out of his bag.  Like the Global Warmists he tells the uneducated that we Scientists have decided and “The Science is Settled”  The problem with his statement is that these articles are arguing against one another and against the current consensus that Sex Addiction doesn’t exist.  If scientists are all in agreement, why are they critiquing one another’s studies.

I have seen a lot of Christians taking God’s name in vain by using his name to command us all to cease looking at erotica.  But this author changes his tactic and takes the name of Science in vain.  Maybe it’s not a sin, but it is more dishonest because everyone can read the Bible but only a few people can see his scientific lying.

Porn is not Addiction


Porn is no more an “addiction” than food, sugar, coffee or marital sex.  I say this not as a matter of opinion, but as a psychiatrist and a scientist.


People think “addicted” means anything that we use on a regular basis that is difficult or impossible to stop.   And, yes, by this definition porn is an addiction.  Christian men the world over have tried to resist this “tempation” and failed.  If you find a Christian who is declaring his victory, then you and he both know he isn’t victorious, he is just on hiatus.

But addiction requires something more than a need.  Because, as I said before, by this definition coffee, sugar, marital sex, food, and even sleep itself would be addiction.  Yes, there are people (for example diabetics) so addicted to sugar that they continue to use it despite the fact that it is literally killing them.

Addiction requires something else besides regular use, “Continued use DESPITE persistent or recurring social or interpersonal problems caused or made worse by use”

And here is where porn does not meet the definition for most men.  Oh yes, porn does cause difficulty in a marriage with a ball-busting woman raised in the modern feminized church.  But the problem, in that case, is not him, but her.  She is the one who is addicted to her self-righteousness that goes to women’s meetings where they discuss “intimacy issues” and get themselves aroused and then go home to a husband who does not have such a stimulus.  Instead, he goes to men’s meetings where his sexuality is attacked and insulted.  Where he is told to give up red meat and eat only gluten-free food and be a proper little eunuch.

In the normal course of of a healthy and Godly marriage, the man looks at porn 1 to 6 times each week, becomes aroused and makes love to his wife however many times each week that they find time and opportunity to do so.  It doesn’t cause a problem.  He is not unable to attend to his financial, career, or marital duties as a result of his porn use.

Therefore he is not addicted.

Now, I do have patients who look at porn and masturbate all day long, but this is rare and almost universally associated with mental retardation.  It can also be associated with extreme depression, but the problem goes away when you fix the depression.

I do find, however, any number of men who have driven themselves into a depression by the guilt placed upon their sexual behaviors, not by God, and not by the Bible, but rather by the men’s traditions or their church or their wife.

Why is the #WarOnPorn so popular?


Because it is a #WarOnMen

Let’s start with the “Undeniable Fact of Life”  All men look at nekkid wimmen.

This includes the most faithful Christian husband out there.  All studies say the same.  A man’s belief or lack of belief in God has no effect on his porn viewing habits.  Trying the “Pray away the porn” will never be successful.

If that is so, then why are all of these Christian wives working so hard and why is every Christian Men’s meeting at church take anti-porn agenda as their major goal.

Because Satan has snuck into our society a hatred of masculinity.  Every masculine attribute – hairy chests, hunting Bambi, working in a greasy mechanic’s garage, and, yes, looking at and talking about sex has been treated with disdain.  Now our Christian women gather in their women-only groups in their 80% women church with all of the other divorced women in the church and talk about how the problem is the MEN.

But the fact is, that men have quit trying to please these women.  They have retreated into perpetual bachelorhood where stripper bars, easy women, and porn meets their sexual needs.

The #WarOnMen has redefined porn as cheating and the result is men who have no choice but to cheat, since all of them (that is ALL of them) look at porn although most of them intended to be faithful husbands.

Thank God my wife likes my manhood (both literally and figuratively)

Why I couldn’t conquer my #PornAddiction

Watching Porn

For 40 years I tried to conquer my “Porn Addiction”  I would occasional confess all to my wife, other times sneak out to the magazine wrack. At times I made it whole months before falling back.

I finally realized why I couldn’t conquer it.  God won’t help you avoid that which he has created you to enjoy.

I am a psychiatrist and I deal with people’s addictions all of the time.  In order for something to be an addiction it has to have a significant negative effect on a person’s life.

But the fact is that the only negative effect porn has on a person’s life is the effect that is CREATED BY THE SHAME-ON-YOU attitude of OTHER PEOPLE.

Let me give an example.  Coffee and Sugar are “addictions” if you define them only as the brain having a certain dopamine reaction to their consumption.  If you imaged my brain, you would find that my wife is my “addiction” in the sense that I can’t stand not being with her, I would go into a severe withdrawal depression if she died.

When I married her, there was a lot of opposition from her family.  It caused a lot of difficulties between them.  But that did not make our love an “addiction” because the harm to our life was not from our love itself, but from other people’s reaction to it.

Similarly, when our Christian society gets over its unbiblical opposition to eroticism, then we will find out that porn is rarely an “addiction” at all.

For Holy Porn

So this article is how  porn has destroyed the lives of the actors and actresses.  I agree, many people have been destroyed by participating in porn.  But why is this?  Is it because erotica is bad, or is it because Christians have turned over this powerful tool to the sinners.

The Netflix movie “When porn Ends”  explores what happens in the lives of the porn actors and actresses.  Some of them have bad lives.

But WHY do they have bad lives.  Because the porn industry is “sinful” that is, the Christian churches have decided that you cannot be a Christian and be erotic (or masculine).

What if, just what if, we actually lived the life of the early Christians and Jews.  What if we had their attitude toward sex.  That sex within marriage was not only good, it was also not something to be hidden.  That seeing nudity (or being naked in public, like they often were) was not “public indecency”

Could Christian married couples make films that inluded porn and erotica, that showed them in holy sex.  Couldn’t we have a film that depicted married sex (without editing) as holy, that treated adultery (which could be depicted on scene with married actors) as something that would lead to sorrow and death.  Couldn’t we have #HolyPorn

Yes, right now that is not in existence.  But it could be, and it could be done quickly by any young Christian filmmaker who wanted to make a name for himself.

God wrote Porn

It’s time for all of these anti-porn Christians to admit that the Bible is full of “porn” (meaning erotica).

Oh, didn’t you love the Children’s song.  “His Banner over me is Love”

Um, folks.  A banner is on a um, pole.  So, the lover took his love into the “banqueting” room and provided her a “banner” to eat.

Then note this passage.

Song of Solomon 5:4 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.  I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock. I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself.

The Myrrh, here folks is not an herb, and the hole of the door is not made of wood.

And those references to Lily’s and gardens of lilies.  Folks, he wasn’t talking about flowers.


Losing both sides of the masculinity Debate

Heat Street has this article out

It is frustrating that this article is a surrender to both sides of the masculinity debate.

On the one side, we have boys being told to “not treat girls like sex objects.”

Hate to tell you this, but the reason that boys treat girls like sex objects is because they have cojones.  Until we create a race of people who sexless men, boys will always use the nearest girl for his masturbatory fantasy.  The horror of expecting boys to not think about girls as sex objects is happening on both sides of the “culture war”.  James Dobson expects boys to jerk off without thinking about girls.  On the other side, the Social Justice Warriors want boys to not be boys at all, but little eunuchs who only provide sperm down at the bank for properly informed lesbian couples to use to create “Heather has two mommies” properly socialized families.

On the other side, boys are allowed to use terms like “THOT” (that ho over there) because they are not being taught that you can sexually desire a female and still treat her with respect.

I don’t know about you, but I think Jesse Jane, Carter Cruise, and Riley Reid (if you don’t want to look at nekkid women, don’t do a google search on those names) deserve to be treated with respect just like my wife and daughter.  My Mama taught me never to use insulting terms about ANY woman.

To love and erotically desire women and still treat them with respect is the essence of masculinity.

The emasculating wife

Here is another example of a woman trying to make her husband a girl.  It’s not enough to have a faithful husband who loves her with all of her heart, works hard, supports the family, raises the kids, goes to church, loves God and would never, ever cheat on her, either in his heart, mind, or body.  No, he has to deny his manhood and cut off his balls for her.  He has to pretend that he doesn’t like looking at nekkid wemmin

It’s sad that the church backs this.  It is the biggest reason why the churches are empty of men above the age of 13.  Thank God my wife wants me to be a man.

Wifey Wednesday: Is Porn Cheating?


Church Ladies: Stop Feminizing Christ

Church Lady

The church was full last Sunday.  HUNDREDS of people worshiping God.

And DOZENS of men.

Why have the men abandoned church?  I submit that American evangelical religion has been feminized.  When the church gets around to preaching Normal behavior of men has been criminalized.

Going fishing with a cooler of beer and talking about women is sinful; looking at naked women is the “number one sin issue facing the church today.”  But a women’s “retreat” discussing “intimacy issues” with a wine and cheese social afterwards is “a good example of how the church can relate to the modern family.”

We can get a special church meeting together to discuss the “health” issues of weight loss, but when is the last time that the church organized a trip to a cage fight.  But I’ll guarantee you that men doing Mixed Martial Arts training are pretty damn healthy.

This Christian blogger condemns the Bible and himself at the same time

Here’s another example of a poor guy who is trying to overcome his regular porn habit by being spiritual about how other people shouldn’t do it.

Here’s his anti-porn argument.  After explicitly including audio, visual, text, pictures, or animation he says

“using porningraphy we are bringing people and activities outside of a Godly marriage into our sex lives, which God has bounded by marriage and love”

How nice that he has added a new command to the Bible. The Bible says nothing about not hearing, seeing, talking about, or drawing sex scenes or the human body.  In fact, in contradiction to this it clearly talks about all of these things, itself.  Solomon is a great sinner this way. But not just Solomon, but GOD HIMSELF becomes a pornographer by his argument, since, remember, all scripture is GOD-BREATHED. But not just Solomon but even Moses becomes a pornographer “And Adam Knew His Wife”  A useless bit of information since it states that Eve got pregnant.

The “Knight” then makes a little better of an argument.  “Much of what is depicted in porn is expressly forbidden by God. ”  Ok, then. We didn’t like ungodly books, so we encouraged some Christians to write Godly books. We got Grace Livingston Hill, Janette Oke etc etc.

But no, the Knight declares, this isn’t good enough because even if we watch a Godly married couple having sex we are somehow committing adultery with them.  Why, because of what is going on in OUR minds.  And here is where the Knight condemns himself.  He states that the man watching porn thinks

“I wish I was there with her, I wish my spouse would do that, I wish my spouse was that fit…”

That’s pretty amazing that he has read my mind this was, because the fact is that I DON’T THINK ANY OF THESE THINGS.   Oh yes, I admire a fine figured woman and I appreciate a beautiful actresses face.  I even admire a guy who has a fine-chiseled chest.  But I don’t want to dump my wife (or my wife to dump me) to get these things.

On the other hand, this guy sure knows a lot about what a man is thinking when he watches porn.. I wonder how he figured that all out…

Let’s face it, because he has ( and don’t lie, DOES ) porn on a not irregular basis. Oh I’m sure he feels very, very guilty about it.   He spends a lot of his time being very judgmental about porn as a result.   Maybe he ought to give up his attempts to stop watching porn and spend more time trying to love his wife.

He then goes onto advice about how to overcome this problem in himself.  Notice that all of his actions are physical. He puts filters on his computer, he goes and confesses at celebrate recovery.  If he really believed that God was so against porn, don’t you think God would help him overcome.

The fact is that God does not lead us into temptation that we can’t bear.  The fact that so many (let’s face, every male with very rare pathological exceptions) Christians cannot live above this “sin” should prove something – even if the Bible’s explicit endorsement of erotic literature in Song of Solomon wasn’t enough.


Remember, Honey, I’m still a guy

I'm Still A Guy

One of the most annoying modern movements of today is the emasculation of men.  I would be less annoyed about it if only it weren’t the Christian women who are the worst at it.

God created men.  He likes masculinity.  He likes a men to get dirty, greasy, to mow their lawns shirtless and sweaty.  To act like Tommy Lee Jones when they are challenged.

And you know what.  Men like to look at naked women.  Always have, always will.  And God doesn’t mind that at all.