Fight Self-hatred (induced by your shame because of what other people told you)
Fight the haze (Don’t relax, because you must be always tense to be a christian)
Guard others (apparently you are now an incipient rapist, just waiting to anally rape anyone)
Confess to friend (so he can feel better about HIS porn use)
Use your clarity for good. (Apparently, now that your balls are empty, you can use your frontal lobe again)
Know your God (pray and pray until you get horny the next time)
Poor, sad, deluded man. His whole life is about porn. He lives in between his porn use episodes in a haze of shame, confession, trying to find new restrictions that will stop him next time, anguished prayer and self-flagellation, and then, inevitably, the next porn episode.
How much better would it be if he simply accepted the Bible standard. Erotic desire is the natural and holy part of life. Instead of trying to force himself to not have testicles, he could have rejoiced in it, shared this part of his life with his wife, and spent his freed-up energy to help his fellow man.
Song of Solomon is, of course, so full of sex that Christian mothers have been telling their sons to skip that part every since Queen Victoria first set her diminutive derriere on the throne. What about David, that great man after God’s own heart. Well, we all know about him and rooftops. But what about when he danced naked before the Lord and God COMPLEMENTED him for it.
II Sam 6:20 Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!
(Yes, Yes, I know, he had a linen ephod on. So if you are ok with men gyrating in public in boxer shorts, then I guess Janet Jackson and her super-bowl show wasn’t so bad after all)
But let’s go on. Because the Old Testament can easily be dismissed. Let’s jump forward to Jesus – our Messiah who everyone thinks was such a prude.
Mt 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
So did Jesus have a big problem with public nudity? This is the only scripture to back this up and it doesn’t talk about erotic desire at all, but only lust. Christians who are so careful to say that “Sex does NOT equal lust” suddenly can’t spot the difference.
But there are other scriptures that show the Jesus didn’t nearly have the problems that we think. Certainly the disciples didn’t. In John 21, we find out that even after Jesus’ resurrection, the disciples worked all night on a fishing boat, uh, NAKED.
But what about the women? How did Jesus feel about boobies?
Luke 23:29 For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.
Apparently, “paps” were a pretty good sight for our Lord!
BUT THAT WASN’T LUSTFUL I can hear you shouting.
THAT’S MY POINT. I shout back.
The early church had no huge problem with nudity. In fact the people were baptized nude in mixed groups. In fact, the only shame of nakedness was that it was the condition of the poor people and the slaves and was therefore a “shame” But note that the shame of nakedness had nothing to do with sex.
So, we see, our attitude about nudity is really just a comment upon our prosperity. We have gained space to have sex privately, money to buy multiple sets of clothes, and have mistaken our money for Godliness.
In fact, the church is exactly where the book of the Revelation said it would be.
Revel 3:17-18 Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked: I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see
There is one question we need to answer then. Why did Adam and Even cover themselves?
Good question, and deserving of a good answer. Which I will provide tomorrow.
So, someone reading this site didn’t like what I said. So, instead of answering with a reasoned argument, they went through all of the posts and found an image that they thought I had improperly used, contacted the picture owners and attempted to get me fined.
Since this site is free, makes no money, and actually costs me money, this is an attempt to shut me down.
It didn’t work. I inline link – not copy – images. So no copyright infringement exists.
But what is so sad is that this person, who identifies himself or herself as a servant of Christ, would rather anonymously punish someone who disagrees rather than discuss. It is the tactics of Hell and not of Heaven. It is the tactics of repression and not the tactics of American freedom.
I suspect that this person would quote Matt 5:28 about looking on a woman with lust but didn’t seem to read 3 verses above
Mat 5:23-24 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
But this supposed Bible believer didn’t even have the courage to leave a comment before trying to call the courts down on me. This is a sad commentary on the state of today’s church. Opinions have taken the place of Bible, hatred has replaced love, and attacks the place of reasoned debate.
I Tim 4:1-5 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth. For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving: For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.
One of the most common methods of false holiness is asceticism, the attempt to look more holy than others by denying normal and Godly desire.
The medieval Catholics practiced this by forbidding their priests to marry and stopped them from eating meat on Friday and during Lent. This allowed them to feel holy even while their were slaughtering babies, stealing from their neighbors, keeping mistresses, etc.
So also, today, our modern church movement has decided that it has to make up some new rules to make them feel holy. Now, note, one of the most common sins in the pew today is probably fornication. Unmarried couples are openly shacked up together. Dating couples are assumed to be sleeping together. Yet, the church ignores these sins and instead preaches against the boyfriend’s “addiction” to porn.
Turning to fake science, they believe that the man’s sleeping with his girlfriend doesn’t harm his brain, but somehow looking at erotica will. Even though, the Bible clearly forbids the first and promotes the second.
This is not a new phenomenon. Paul said that in the latter times people would depart from the faith and instead preach other doctrines – doctrines of devils. Just because it is “forbidding” does not make it holy. God is not a God of forbidding, but a God of pleasure. When we take pleasure in the proper place (in our marriages, and in imaginations about marriages) then life is holy and pure. When we add in our own commands – morphing the gospel into legalism and pharisaism – then we live lives of bondage and guilt.
So rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let your fountain be blessed as your watch erotica. Enjoy the pleasures that God gave you and tell the legalists to go read their bible more and preach a false chastity less.
Look, if you want to make a biblical or religious argument against porn, by all means do so. I encourage you to comment and we will discuss it. But if you want to make a scientific argument, you ought to at least look at the science, and it does not say what the new pharisees are proclaiming.
Because we gave the territory of erotic desire over to Larry Flynt and Hugh Hefner, the erotica industry is populated only with people promoting lust, licentiousness, adultery and fornication. But it shouldn’t be so. There ought to be thousands of internet sites that are filled with Christian married couples making beautiful sex tapes which other single people and married couples can view. There is no command in the Bible for the prudishness foisted on us by our Victorian ancestors. The Bible commands us to flee fornication and flee youthful lusts. But that doesn’t mean that a young man should flee sexual desire. In fact, if a young man does not have strong sexual urges, he needs to visit a psychiatrist (like me 🙂 to find out what is wrong. That desire is what leads him to seek a wife and become a responsible husband.
Lu 1:1 Forasmuch as many have taken in hand to set forth in order a declaration of those things which are most surely believedamong us,
To listen to the sermons and read the web pages of the modern evangelical church, you would think that the principles of the gospel are freedom from “addictions” and helping people overcome their “hurts”.
Not long ago I passed a small church with a sign out front that said, “We help hurt people.” I thought, yeah, you probably do. People come to you for help and you help to hurt them.
I once attended a church in the Texas panhandle who thought that the principles of the gospel were to keep the women in “modest” apparel – long baggy dresses with long sleeves. To keep their hair long and uncut. To keep them from wearing jewelry which might gain attention. In short, to keep women as uglified as possible in order to keep the men of the church from lusting after them.
This worked as well as you might imagine. The pastor snuck off to Lubbock to look at porn and purchase prostitutes. He slavered after the young wives of the church, committed adultery with them, and broke up their marriages. He felt guilty about these things, of course. He went to other pastors in towns to confess his sins in order to attempt to use “accountability” to recover from his “addiction.” It didn’t work. – Of course, it didn’t work. Making up your own gospel never does.
The principles of the gospel – those things “most surely believed” are not the things MOST IMPORTANT TO US. Just because we have been raised in the prudish Victorian principles of anti-erotica, and just because our God-given biology forces us to behave in opposition to these unscriptural principles, does not mean that these are the things MOST IMPORTANT TO GOD.
God cares about the gospel. Jesus came to tell us God’s word. He didn’t come to back up the Pharisees in their traditions. The Gospel of Jesus is about dying for our sins, being resurrected for our regeneration, promising us that he will return for our hope of the resurrection. The sins that he wishes to deliver us from are Adultery, Fornication, Hatred, Murder, Rioting, Drunkeness (Galations 5:19-20) not “addictions.” He came to give us the source of the fruits of the Spirit – Love, Joy, Peace, etc. We help people overcome their addictions (the true addictions, I mean) because they prevent the fruits of the spirit from being expressed in their lives. But the centrality of the Gospel is not MEN but GOD. It is about Jesus and our relationship to him.
The Church must return to preaching the gospel instead of being a self-help group guided only by Pop Psychology that has no source in either the gospel or science.
Erotica – or what today we inaccurately call porn – is, as God showed us in the Song of Solomon, part of a healthy lifestyle. If we are guided by Scripture, the we would be promoting Holy Erotica (as I do in my website HolyErotica.com)
Today’s church is being seduced, like the foolish Galations so long ago, into believing a gospel of works. That living a Christian life means living and talking about Jesus, not running around talking about the most current fad to preach against.
One of the most arguments against christian married couples enjoying porn together is that the artificial perfection of the women and couples in porn will make the couple unsatisfied with the imperfections in each other.
This argument does not stand up to examination. Firstly, that is not the experience of couples who watch porn. Secondly, this argument isn’t used in any other situation. Thirdly, imagining the ideal is precisely what Christians and Jews have taught as the proper behavior for thousands of years.
Let’s take these one at a time.
Couples who watch porn do not experience decreased desire for each other.
The anti-porn advocate selectively quotes from the “question” part of the study that asks whether erotica-viewing will reduce marital desire. He then leaves out the results of the study – which contradicts his pre-determined conclusion. After studying 34 couples who were tested after viewing erotic and non-erotic stimuli. Here is what the authors wrote.
Participants viewing both the erotic and exciting films reported equivalent increases in excitement; however, the erotic film was rated as slightly more generally arousing and increased participant's desire to be close to their partner...viewing erotic films led to more positive evaluations of one's own sexual behaviors.
In short, the study states that couples who watched erotica – whether singly or alone – desired each other more. Of course they did. They got turned on by the fantasy and wanted some of the real thing from each other.
But why is this. Shouldn’t the fantasy make the reality less desirable? No
We use fantasy models all the time
Remember the wax fruit craze of the ’70’s. My mother put out a bowl of wax fruit as decoration. Did you ever try to bite into it? Well, I did. Mom was not happy. I discovered that models rarely taste as good as they look. Nevertheless, those perfect-looking waxed fruits did whet my desire for real fruit. If something can LOOK that good, surely somewhere there is something that TASTES that good.
When I go to the department store to buy clothes, I am surrounded by mannequins modelling those clothes. I know perfectly well that there are no male bodies with perfect abs like that outside of Hollywood (I’ll give you Chris Hemsworth). I certainly don’t look that nice. Yet I buy those polo shirts anyway. The store knows that showing me the ideal will increase my desire for the everyday.
When I watch Grey’s Anatomy with my wife, she knows perfectly well that I will never approach the manly perfection displayed
But I have gotten my bones jumped a few times after the episode!
Christians believe in Platonic Ideals
My point is that healthy brains are perfectly capable of distinguishing between the ideal and the prosaic. In fact, that is the way our brain works. We name things by the ideal. When Adam named the animals, he didn’t name them for ranges of attributes. (Four legged animal that eats grass, chews cud, and gives milk – coming in a range of colors and sizes) but rather for an ideal (this cow is larger than usual, with black and white spots instead of uniform brown).
As Judea-Christian philosophers, we believe that heaven contains the models of things that exist on earth. The perfect marriage is Christ and the Church. Contemplating this perfect love does not cause me to love my wife less, but more.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
So also, contemplating the perfect sex causes me to love sex with my wife more
I know that the sex models aren’t actually that perfect. That a guy cannot maintain an erection that long, that my wife isn’t going to moan that excitedly. That we aren’t both going to have simultaneous orgasms very often. I certainly know that I am not endowed with that many inches.
But that doesn’t keep me from using the inches that God endowed me with to please her and make her as happy as any porn star ever thought of being.
I take the position that Christians should watch porn. But in saying this, I do not defend the position that all porn is good. In fact, the vast majority of the porn on the internet is junk. It is full of hatefulness, degradation, gang bangs and adultery. Anyone who loves God knows that these things are evil.
My statement that “I like porn” is similar to the statement “I like sex.” It is not a defense of every act of sex, or even most acts of sex, that take place.
A quote from CS Lewis’ Screwtape Letters is appropriate:
Never forget that when we are dealing with any pleasure in its healthy and normal and satisfying form, we are, in a sense, on the Enemy’s [God’s] ground. I know we have won many a soul through pleasure. All the same, it is [God’s] invention, not ours. He made the pleasures: all our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden. Hence we always try to work away from the natural condition of any pleasure to that in which it is least natural, least redolent of its Maker, and least pleasurable. An ever-increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure is the formula…. To get the man’s soul and give NOTHING in return–that is what really gladdens [Satan’s] heart.
There is a small amount of porn out there, beautiful couple porn and individual person porn, that celebrates the beauty and wonder of sex as God intends it. Two people who love one another have committed themselves to create a family will then celebrate that union in rapturous, orgasmic joy and pleasure. To watch this rapturous joy and vicariously experience in ourselves is to participate in God’s plan or pleasure and to be brought closer to each other and God. This is why he allowed us into the sexual experiences of Solomon and his Shunnamite wife.
I believe my favorite erotic clip of all times is this scene from “The Neon Bull”. (Warning, this clip shows explicit sex). I see a husband making love to the mother of his child. Watching this sort of erotica does not lead me to (as the “porn addiction” advocates claim) see more depraved porn. In fact, depraved sex has never appealed to me. I have never wanted to humiliate my wife with sex. I have never wanted to “split her open”, “make her gag”, “make her swallow” or “make her” do anything else. Sex is not a matter of “using” one another at all, except in the sense that I want my wife to use ME for her pleasure and vica-versa. Occasionally, when I am sated and not particularly needing sex, I enjoy watching my darling enjoy herself with my body.
When I watch this pure sort of erotica, it makes me a better husband, it makes me a better man. I become more loving, I seek to reach the ideal that the erotica
Now, watching the other stuff does not have the same effect. It can make me more selfish, it can make sex with my wife less loving, less pure, less unselfish.
Of course what we watch affects us. It should. That is why God told us,
“Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)
I am not pleased with how much effort that I have to make to find these pure and holy erotic scenes. I wish that someone would create a website that contained links to only these items. What do you think?
I grew up with the typical Christian upbringing. Which means that as a young teen, I sometimes went to the supermarket, hung around the magazine wrack, hid the playboy in a Sports magazine and looked at naked girls. I felt horribly guilty after I had done this, of course. Because I knew that I had “sinned.”
The Bible says that all have sinned, but does it say that all have sinned in exactly the same way? So what Christian American boy will tell you that he didn’t do this? The liars.
I spent much of my Christian teenage years feeling guilty about sex. About 19 years old or so I managed to stop feeling guilty about masturbation. But my guilt about my eyes accidentally straying to those girls in tight jeans continued until marriage. Even after that, I managed to keep myself in a constant state of weepy repentance by picking up a “dirty” magazine from the convenience store every year or so. Eventually my wife caught me, of course (they always do). And then my guilt was exacerbated by seeing how badly she was hurt. Then I was shamed because she took this “sin” to the pastor so that I could get “help” with my “addiction.”
So, all in all, I have had as good of a life as any sincere American Christian male. Others who were not blessed with a wife like mine, had to deal with their spouse using their “sin” to win arguments. “Well, I may have wrecked your car, but you looked at porn!” Some had wives who used this as an excuse to accomplish the wrecking of the marriage that the wife intended to do all along.
Of course, there may be a few Christian men whose wives haven’t caught them yet.
Then there are those sincere Christian men who have never looked at…. hahahahaha. Sorry, I couldn’t finish that sentence without laughing. No there are a few boys who don’t jack off – but they can be cured with a testosterone shot.
I finally realized that I and every other Christian male were losing this battle because God didn’t intend for us to go without erotica. In fact, God created erotica. This was his intent all along. God likes love and sex. He intends his people to be aroused by thinking about naked people. He created boys to think about bobbies and butts. He knows we think about having sex. He also knows that the more we think about sex, the more we have sex. He knows that boys are rubbing one out and he approves.
Contrary to what you see in the Christian literature out there, a husband and wife who view porn do not cease to have sex with each other, and they do not start having sex with other people. There are no longitudinal histories which show such a finding. The studies that are published with the intention of “proving” porn causes sin are all “cross-sectional.” These studies only prove correlation and not causation. People with higher sex drives watch more porn and have more sex. This is a “duh” finding.
God wants young men to watch porn and masturbate. In so doing, they learn about sex without committing fornication. If they are taught to respect girls and love them, then they will treat the porn as a promise of what they will get when they get married. This is how I used porn before I was married, even though I felt guilty about it. If we produced holy porn, then they would learn how to love women. This sort of erotica exists, although it is outnumbered by the porn that humiliates women.
God wants young girls to watch “chick flix” and learn how good men romance good women. They can watch sweet porn and see how they will one day make love with their husband.
Couples who watch porn either singly and together become erotically excited and have more sex. Despite what the preachers tell you, they do not become estranged from each other.
Now, there is one way in which porn will estrange a couple – if the wife is counseled by the church to fight her husband’s “addiction.” He will rightly resent her holier-than-thou attitude. He will continue to act according to the biological mandates that God created him with, and the result is, eventually, a church-caused divorce.
But God’s ideal is a couple who enjoy erotica both together and separately. A couple who can laugh a sex jokes together and jump in bed and make wild love – or tender love – or just have maintenance sex, preferably 10 to 20 times a week.
Now, there are some people who claim that this doesn’t happen. They have told and listened to horror stories (that the church created) about the “dangers” of porn that they simply don’t believe that a Solomon-like erotic love like this can exist. But I can tell you that it can and does. Once my wife and I surrendered the false traditions that we were raised with, we began living it. I once estimated that we have had sex between 10 and 20 thousand times in our lives. Both of us were virgins when we married and have never had sex with anyone else.
God’s plan is erotic love, erotic art, erotic speech, erotic masturbation, and erotic sex between two people who love one another.