Why Christian Erotica is about holiness and not fornication

The purpose of Christian Erotica is to increase Christian Marital Sex and Intimacy

I was recently contacted by a young man who wanted me to help him find a way to have internet sex with women.  He didn’t want to find a girlfriend and he wasn’t searching for a wife, he just wanted to have meaningless and faceless sex.

I didn’t help him.  Because that is not what this site and it’s companion site HolyErotica.com is about.

I maintain these sites (even though I make no money and actually spend money on them) because I believe in Christian marriage, Christian sex, and  Christian intimacy.

Like all men, I dreamed of sex from a very young age.  I asked God to please not return in the rapture before I could have sex.  I was a virgin horn dog.  But I didn’t get to kiss a girl until well after high school.   The girls probably sensed the hormones coming off of me and ran for their lives.

Because I needed sex so much, I sought desperately for a wife.  I found a great one.    It turns out that she was just as much of a horny virgin as I was.   Otherwise she would never have married a broke college student.

You see, marriage is almost never a practical idea, just a good one.    The reason that we got married is because that was the only holy way to get lots and lots of sex.

And it did us well.  Marriage is never practical but it is very good for people.  It is not practical for a man to have to work long hours because he has responsibilities, but “it is not good for a man to dwell alone.”   It is not practical to have a baby with his wife, but it is good for him, his wife, and their child.

The purpose of Holy Erotica is not to provide an alternative to seeking a wife or to having sex with your wife.  It is intended to help you be more sexual with the wife that God intends you to have.   For single men, it is intended to make you want a wife more and too seek one out.  “He that FINDETH a wife findeth a good thing.”  And FINDING requires SEARCHING.  Porn with masturbation does not DECREASE a man’s desire for a woman.  It doesn’t “drain his balls” and “give him relief.”  Did you honestly think it did?  It makes him want a woman.  If he is a Christian, it makes him want a wife.

Having said all of that.  I know that almost all of the readers are yelling at their computer screen – “BUT THAT ISN’T THE WAY IT WORKS ANYMORE”   I know that.  I am a psychiatrist and I hear stories daily that would give you nightmares.  I know that this is not 1950 anymore.  I realize that people can find sex easily.  They can buy it  within a few hours and with a little more effort they can use the online apps to find hookups.  Quality sex robots are only months away.

Here is the key, the Bible was not written in 1950.  The ancient world had pervasive sexuality also.  Slaves had no rights and could be used at will.  Temple prostitutes were cheap.   Privacy was non-existent and nudity abounded.    Yet Paul tells the Corinthians “Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.” (I Cor 6:15)  In the midst of the Vegas of the ancient world.    God expected people to live like they were in 1950’s America.

I like sex.  I like to watch videos about sex, read stories about sex, and look at pictures of sex and sexy people.    This has done me well, because I have a great wife who I can be sexually intimate with.  We are close and become closer because of all of the sex that we have.  This is the purpose of erotica, this is the purpose of sex, and this is the purpose of marriage.

On sexual harassment and “immodest clothes”

Sexy workplace attire
Oh my! She’s a WOMAN!

Rush Limbaugh’s undeniable truth of life:  “The Women’s movement was formed to give ugly women access to the mainstream”

Instapundit notes that democrat Congresswoman Kaptur of Ohio has decided that women are dressing too immodestly in the workplace and this is why they are being harassed.

The fact is that, no matter where you draw the line, some women are going to be more attractive and dress more “immodestly” than others, and these women will get more positive attention than others.  The people who resent this the most are the other (especially ugly) women.

Congresswoman Kaptur (D-Ohio). For example

The muslims in sharia countries get erections when they see a woman’s bare face.  So, I am sure that the women of Afghanistan gossip about the young beautiful wife who wears her burqas too tight.

I know this is so because I used to belong to a strict evangelical church where the women were required to wear loose, long skirts and long sleeves.  There were still “immodest” girls who pushed the line by wearing high heels or who wore their long hair in particularly attractive styles. Who enforced the dress code most strongly?  The other women.

Science: Christian Erotica Makes Marriages Stronger. Christian Men Should Watch Porn

Couples watching porn
Yes you should watch porn together

Since the new legalists have switched from Biblical to Scientific arguments, I thought that I would begin to let everyone know what the science ACTUALLY says, instead of what the legalists try to tell you it says.

This article that I will explain today is so old that it doesn’t even show up on the academic online searches.  The link will take you to a photocopy of a TYPEWRITTEN paper.   It was published in 1970.   It is so simple, clear, and common-sensical that I’m not surprised that the legalists don’t ever quote it.

So the researcher asked a simple question – How does initiation of porn watching affect stable middle-class, moderately conservative, religious married couples.  So he ran some ads in Palo Alto, CA asking for married couples who wished to fill out some questionaires for money.  He ended up with 83 couples.  No one knew that this was a study about pornography.

So this was a group of people to whom no pornographic videos were available (this is 1970)  only magazines such as Playboy were available.  Few men would sneak into the sleazy adult theatres, so the skin magazines were effectively the only erotica available to conservative men.

So these people were randomly sorted in to groups 15 couples watched nothing but just filled out surveys about their marriage.  68 couples were divided into 2 groups that watched either erotic or non-erotic films.

The couples who watched films were in four groups.  In some only the men watched erotica while their wives watched documentaries, in others the couple watched together without comments from the researchers.  In the third, the couple watched the film after being told that it was likely to improve their relationship.  Finally, the fourth group watched general-interest documentaries.

There were 7 films shown, Themes covered by these films included heterosexual activity, female masturbation, Lesbian activity, male homosexual activity, group sexual activity, and sadomasochism.

The results are so predictable as to be boring.

  1. Couples who were introduced to pornographic films started having more sex
  2. After 8 weeks the frequency of the porno-viewing couples sex decreased to baseline levels – they got bored with the porn.
  3. The couples who were divided into porn-viewing and non-porn viewing had some trouble with the wives getting upset that their husband’s were getting turned on by the films
  4. People who watched the porn became more tolerant of porn watching
  5. People who didn’t watch porn became less tolerant toward porn watching
    1. This was especially pronounced among the women
  6. The non-heterosexual porn turned everyone off.
  7. At the end of the experiment. Everyone had the same amount and the same kind of sex that they had before the experiment.

Now – is any of this surprising?

Wives think that porn-watching (of heterosexual sex) is terrible, terrible until they actually see it with their husband.   Then it turns them on and causes them to have more marital sex. Afterwards, they – and their husbands – get bored with seeing it all the time and return to their baseline behavior.  However, they decide that they may want to see some in the future if they want to get especially turned on.

Couples who have been taught to have legalistic scruples again porn get very upset if they find out that others are getting to watch.  They want to stop anyone else from having fun either.  These censorship desires disappear as soon as they see porn themselves.

Normal heterosexual couples do not become swingers because they see swinger films.  They do not turn into bi-sexuals because they see lesbian or homosexual films.  They turn out to like the romantic sex films (films of couples like themselves) the most.

What does this tell us 50 years later?

Firstly, PORN IS NOT ADDICTIVE.  People who watch porn without feeling guilty about it get bored with it shortly.

Secondly, all of the preaching against porn -all of the men’s retreats – all of the promise-keepers seminars – all of the “your brain on porn” pseudo-science articles – were wasted effort.  That same effort could have gone into producing beautiful and holy erotica that couples could watch whenever they wished in order to revive flagging sex lives.

Finally, we already knew this 50 years ago.  Why did they churches determinedly continue to destroy the christian faith of their men?

I think it is because Mommy made them feel bad about playing with themselves at age 12 and they are still projecting their guilt onto others the rest of their lives.

What science says about pornography and couples

The anti-erotica forces have been trying to use “science” to preach their moralistic crusade.   But mixing the opinions of moralism and the facts of science leads to bad morals and bad science.

This study published this year in “Current Opinion Psychology” tells what the science says.  It is a compilation of all of the current research, and it also suggests what areas are in need of more research.   Unless you have a subscription to a medical library, you won’t be able to read all of this article, so I will quote relevant passages.

Firstly, the people who are going out to prove how bad pornography is for people are doing bad science.  The previous studies state conclusions that aren’t supported by the facts.

While acknowledging that very few studies had assessed the impact of pornography exposure and relationship processes, Manning nonetheless unequivocally agreed with Zillmann’s conclusions a few years later. Of the limited research focusing on the associations between exposure to pornography and relationship processes within dyads, however, the empirical evidence is not so conclusive, with results suggesting both negative and positive influences of pornography use on romantic relationships

Secondly, studies that are LOOKING for the harm of pornography are not producing accurate results.

The majority of research concerning the effects of pornography on relationships assumes, assesses, and subsequently confirms, that pornography is detrimental to relationships. Adopting a ‘harm focused’ approach at the outset of a study places critical limits on what can be learned about the typical impact of pornography on the couple. The assumption of harm will either confirm or fail to confirm negative effects, and by virtue of not measuring non-negative outcomes will necessarily tell us nothing about the occurrence of neutral or positive effects that may also occur. Harm-focused rationales that underlie such investigations are also at odds with observations reported by persons who live in relationships in which pornography is used, which typically suggest that pornography users and their partners  perceive more relationship benefits than harms associated with pornography use.

Most research has not actually measured the impact on the couple’s love-life – instead, only trying to focus on how the individual FEELS about his own use of pornography.  Since this feeling is determined by the constant harping he hears about how evil pornography is, his feelings are not are good guide to whether or not he has been harmed by his viewing of pornography.

Although it is true that romantic relationships involve individuals, typically two at one time , relationship processes cannot be tested by focusing on the thoughts, feelings and behaviours of one individual. Rather, relationships need to be understood in terms of the mutual influence that exists between these individuals over time . Research therefore needs to focus on the links between pornography consumption by one or both partners (alone and/or jointly) on interpersonal processes and relationship outcomes, preferably over time, to best document the negative, neutral, and positive associations of pornography consumption within the dyad.

Finally, the couple research that is being done shows that the effect on porn on relationships is pretty complex, but to simplify it, couples in which the female has not been taught to despise her husband for porn viewing find that their relationship improves – but if the church is trying to enforce an unnatural ascetism on the couple, then the relationship is harmed.

Correlational research by Daneback et al. found that couples in which one partner used pornography reported higher levels of ‘dysfunction’ and a slightly elevated ‘erotic climate’; couples in which both used pornography, though not necessarily together, reported relatively low levels of ‘dysfunction’ and a greater ‘erotic climate’; and couples that did not use pornography at all had average scores on these two clusters of variables. Other correlational studies involving intact dyads have noted that the frequency of men’s pornography use may be associated with lower sexual and relationship fulfilment among couple members while frequency of women’s pornography use may be associated with increased sexual and relational fulfilment among couple members. Taken together with non-dyadic studies of perceived impacts of pornography on the couple relationship, such findings suggest that pornography use can have a range of possible effects on the relationship that are not exclusively negative.

In short, the harm of pornography does not come from the viewing of pornography, but rather from the unnatural expectations placed upon men by the puritans in the church.