Christian young people and sexual desire

Premarital sex
Does the first time have to be on the honeymoon?

In the article on this website “Unmarried Christians Can Have Sex” my friend (I shall call him “Mark”) makes the argument that neither the Old new New Testament’s condemn premarital sex and that the Greek word “porneo” does not mean “fornication” but rather “prostitution.”

Here is my response.

The world has changed around us.  I don’t only mean that sexual mores have changed.  Of course they have – they always change.  The sexual mores of every culture are slightly different.  The reason that the mores are different is because the situations are different.  In Isaiah 4:1 the Bible says.

Isa 4:1 And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach

This is predicting a time when war has decimated the number of men so much that polygamy becomes necessary.   One of the wonderful things about the eternal Word of God is that it applies in any cultural circumstance, not just one.   So the appropriate interpretation of scripture will apply in the tribal polygamous interior parts of Africa, in Scotland of the 11th century where bride-stealing was normal, in the frontier of America and in the modern western world.

Our world has changed from our parents considerably. First of all, let’s admit I’m talking about WHITE young people here,  I don’t know very much about the minority communities of the time.  In 1950 (white) America a man got a factory job straight out of high school or a white collar job after 4 straight (uninterrupted) years of college.   Either of these jobs could support a wife and 2 to 5 kids.  So people got married at 17 to 24 and stayed married the rest of their lives.  It was fairly easy to preach to these young people that they should be virgins on the night of their marriage because abstaining from sex until that time in a crowd of young people who are raised the same is not that impossible.  A typical Christian and moral young man would kiss his first girl at age 16, start engaging in heavy petting throughout high school, start getting hand jobs from his steady girl friend/fiance in his twenty’s and then get to the mother-lode somewhere around his wedding night (probably a little before).

Of course, there were also a lot of “oop’s”  but these were either taken care of by shotgun weddings (if the boy did the “right thing”) or “homes for unwed mothers” with adoptions for the others.

But marrying at 24 is now a very bad thing according to our culture.  All of the studies show that “young” marriages don’t last.    So can we apply the standards of the 1950’s to today’s young people.

No – we should apply the standards of the Bible – because the Bible is the only word that matters – not the traditions of the current evangelical community – nor the current practice of the world around us.

As my friend states in the accompanying article, the early apostles faced exactly this situation in Acts when the early Christians began to preach to the Gentiles.  The traditions of the Jews were wildly different from the practice of the surrounding pagans, and the surrounding pagans lives were vastly different from God’s righteousness.  So they said this – We will not apply the traditions of our fathers to the Gentiles, but we will apply the traditions of righteouesness – The Gentiles must abstain from Idols – from things strangled – and from fornication.

My friend, Mark, says that this “fornication” here is simply re-stating the first 2 issues.  That fornication means prostitution and the apostles are simply saying that Christians should worship idols, eat idolatrous meat, or patronize whores (or be whores)

But I think that he is putting to narrow of a definition on the greek word “porneos”  – I think that  these non-religious experts explain how the word became to encompass more than pure commercial sex – it started generalizing into slave sex and then generally people who had a lot of sex.  Even in English people will use the word “whoring” to mean more than pure prostitution.  Have you ever heard someone say, “She’s a total whore” or “She’s whores around so much she probably has all the STD’s”.  When people say these things, they don’t mean that the woman is selling it – but rather that she has sex with a lot of different people.

So, I believe that the apostles were saying to the Gentiles.  We believe that it is necessary for you to adopt the sexual behavior taught by the Old Testament.

Now, the Old Testament is actually pretty liberal about sex in comparison to current evangelical sexual mores.  The rule, effectively, is that getting caught having sex before marriage means that the man will have to marry the girl and give her father 50 shekels of silver (a lot of money).

So, in other words, sex is for married people – or at least people soon to get married.

I had some young men in my church a few years ago who had the same current attitude toward sex as the world.  One of them managed to have sex with a dozen or more virgins before he finally got around to one that he liked.  Now, I don’t know about you, but I call that “whoring around.”

On the other hand, I don’t really expect a couple who are not yet in a financial shape to get married, but they are in a long-term dating relationship, to remain perfectly abstinent.  To do so would be to deny nature and expect something from them that nature (and nature’s God) simply doesn’t expect.

Maybe we ought to teach our young people that sex is something to be delayed and, if possible, to be enjoyed with only one person in your life.   At least it ought to be enjoyed only with long-term relationships, not something you jump into on the first or second date – like the current practice of the world is.

Meanwhile – the meaning of the word “ADULTERY” has not changed since God first wrote it with his finger on the stone at Mt. Sinai.

I don’t know – what do you think?

Church fellowship groups – never about men

Man-free and female led
Few men show up

Looked in the church bulletin this morning and saw the same thing that was in every bulletin.  Events this week for the high school teens, the college youth, and the women’s weekly fellowship.

Hmm, do you notice who was left out?  The men, of course.  There was no place for the men to socialize.  There were no hunting, fishing, or four-wheeler/camping trips.  There were no trips to see sports games or monster trucks.

Do you think that men stay home all week and don’t go out with their friends?  Of course not.  The young men are hitting the single’s scenes (They are certainly not showing up to the “college youth” meetings.  Who wants to be sneered at as a sex-addict and probable future “emotional abuser”)

Their are lots of social events that men go to, but none of them are sponsored by the church.  There are soccer groups, bowling leagues, amateur baseball teams.  There are hunting groups, fishing friends, and bars where men can just hang out, drink beer, play cards, and talk about women.  Men get together to go to the rodeo or see wrestling or monster trucks.   None of these are approved by our new female-led churches.  We are more likely to be told that we have to go on “Daniel Fasts” that don’t include meat.  Certainly we can’t drink beer or talk about sports and boobies.

But the fact is that men have always done these things and always will.  The masculine pursuits are as Godly as weight-watchers and diabetes education workshops.  Jesus and his 12 disciples, along with the many other disciples including wives and single women, spent time in the wilderness, resting just before the crucifixion week.  I guarantee you that during that time there was some wine drinking, some wrestling, some races, and I think that the married couples did a lot of humping and the singles flirted.

This is not how the modern church treats its men.  It sneers at sweat, hunting, and bloody sports.  It treats their God-given sex-drive as an addiction.

Oh, by the way, there was one event scheduled that the men were encouraged to go to – Celebrate Recovery.  The church wants them to deal with their “addictions.”

Should Christians watch Game of Thrones nudity? Yes.

Christians looking at Emlia Clarke's naked body
Emilia Clarke has a great body

Looking forward to the Game of Thrones Season Premier tonight, especially the nude parts…..

Predictably, the “Christian” position being preached in the churches today is that Christians can’t watch because of the nudity.  We aren’t allowed to admit that breasts exist or that we like to look at them.

I remember when we couldn’t watch television because of the cursing.  This was always strange.  The Bible contains curse words.  Elijah said that God would kill all of Ahab’s children that “pissed against the wall” – in other words, all the males.  But Elijah didn’t just say “males” he wanted to throw the extra curse because God was really angry and wished to express that angry clearly.

So, also,  the Bible contains many clear descriptions of nudity.  Often those descriptions are explicitly sexual and intended to arouse.   Solomon was clearly a breast man, but he liked legs and butts, so he included those.

Now, the sex in Game of Thrones is rarely marital (except those great Danerys-Drogo scenes (hubba, hubba).  But I think it is noticeable that the fornication and adultery is usually described as poor behavior and consequences follow.  Explicit rape scenes are shown, but they are shown as horrid and deserving of the inevitable consequences.  The Dothraki engage in public orgies, but this is used as an example of their continued bad treatment of women.  And when Danerys makes a pact with the Iron Islands, she explicitly insists that the raping must stop.

The church’s attempt to preach against watching the Game of Thrones is self-defeating.  Here is a series that speaks explicitly to the morality of our time and strongly supports the idea that evil is tempting, but is ultimately self-defeating.  National Review has a great article which argues for this interpretation.

I, of course, don’t believe that the modern evangelical church has the right attitude toward nudity to begin with.  If we would adopt a biblical, instead of a Victorian, attitude, we could start to reach out to the men who are either not attending or just attending nominally, without letting it have any effect on their lives.

#Christianity, #Masculinity, and #Pornography

Holy Men are Erotic
The Masculine Christian

The feminized church can no longer imagine what a masculine Christianity ever was or should be.

David, the man after God’s own heart, was as hypersexual as any man in history.  God rebuked him only for stealing his friend’s wife.  Michelangelo’s famous statue is not a picture of a girly-man.

Paul could preach so strongly that he was stoned.  He did not express “empathy” and he did not “help hurting people.”  He preached the gospel – a gospel that made men so mad that they stoned him.

Jesus did not back down to Pilate.  He did not try to find common ground.  He did not try to understand where Pilate was coming from.  Instead he told him that “for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth.”

When the famous circuit rider of Colorado, Father John L Dyer, had a man come to church and mocking the altar call, he told him, “You came in the door, but you are going out the window.”  This man, called “The snowshoe itinerant” traveled across the continental divide all winter in order to preach the gospel.

Any of these men would not be welcome in today’s church.  They were not sufficiently “nurturing.”  David would have been forced to confess his sex “addiction”  Paul would have been called “divisive.”  Jesus, himself, would have been counseled about how to be more “seeker-friendly”

It is time we took back Christianity.  I don’t think that we can change the church be “becoming involved”  I think we can change the church by standing up on feet, expressing our masculinity without apology or fear and proclaiming that we love Christ, we love being a man, and yes, we like sex.

View the videos on HolyErotica without fear or guilt.  Be a man to your wife.  Be a man in the church.  She will love and respect you the more for refusing to be a hypocrite and the church will learn what it means to see a man.

The Erotic Gaze didn’t start after Al Gore invented the internet

Boys like to look at girls
Looking is not lust. It’s just looking

Great post at Vintage Everyday  “49 Old Photos of Men Staring at Women in the Past” (Hat tip Instapundit )

Despite the wild interpretations of Matt 5:28.  God never intended men to not look at women erotically.  “Be Angry and Sin Not” is an equivalent statement to “Look but don’t touch”

Because we gave the territory of erotic desire over to Larry Flynt and Hugh Hefner, the erotica industry is populated only with people promoting lust, licentiousness, adultery and fornication.  But it shouldn’t be so.  There ought to be thousands of internet sites that are filled with Christian married couples making beautiful sex tapes which other single people and married couples can view.  There is no command in the Bible for the prudishness foisted on us by our Victorian ancestors.  The Bible commands us to flee fornication and flee youthful lusts.  But that doesn’t mean that a young man should flee sexual desire.  In fact, if a young man does not have strong sexual urges, he needs to visit a psychiatrist (like me 🙂 to find out what is wrong.   That desire is what leads him to seek a wife and become a responsible husband.

By making masculinity unholy, the church has driven good men from the church and made others live their lives in unnecessary guilt.

Take back erotica.  Look at sites like HolyErotica and start some sites of your own.  Make some holy sex tapes and share them, or sell them.  Take back sex from the lust-peddlers.

Porn and Big Macs – Nannies all around us

Are you tired of the nannies who keep trying to tell us what is bad for us?  I know that I am.  For some years the vegetarians have been trying to order us to give up meat.  They told us that humans are all supposed to be vegetarians or vegans.  They enlisted the support of nanny-state regulators to stop us from enjoying Big Macs and T-Bones.

Meanwhile, we doctors have to treat the anemia from the B12, Folic Acid, and iron deficiencies of people who allowed the food puritans to give them orders.

Now a segment of the right has jumped into the Nanny business.  Supposedly viewing pornography is now “addiction”.  All of the studies disprove this.   I treat addicts all of the time.  Not once have I had a patient who could not go to work in the morning because he couldn’t stop watching porn.  Not once have I had a man who ended up in the emergency room from porn.  I have treated hyper-sexual people, but they are, without fail, suffering from another psychiatric disease that caused the hypersexuality.  (Bipolar, Mental Retardation, Schizophrenia)

I want you to notice something.  All of these “Porn Addiction” experts ARE NOT PSYCHIATRISTS.  The number one man out there making money off of these false claims (dare I say “fake news”) is Gary Wilson (Your Brain On Porn).  He is not even a scientist.  He has not one peer-reviewed study to his name.  He is an anatomy lab tech is at a 2nd rate state university.

The Psychiatrists have made it clear.  Porn is not an addiction.  There is no “Porn Addiction” diagnosis in the manual.  It doesn’t have the effect on the brain that drugs and behaviors of addiction do.  You do not become desensitized to porn with use, in fact the opposite occurs, the brain responds better with more use.  You are no more “addicted” to porn than a newly wed is “addicted” to sex with his wife.  Nor does use of porn lead one into more perverse sexual behaviors.   The opposite occurs.  The young man sees the perverse behaviors, may even try them out, is repelled by them and returns to more healthy sexual habits as he gets older.  Ted Bundy’s manipulated his dupe “Dr.” James Dobson into becoming an anti-porn activist.   But Dobson has a single child-psychology degree and no post-doctoral research to his name.  Bundy claimed that porn caused his abberant behavior.  If that is true, then why are the 70% of men who admit to using porn and the 99% of men who actually look at it running around killing people.

What is it in humans that causes us to want others to stop having fun.  Is it resentment that if I can’t have fun, then no one else should be able to?  Because Mama made me eat my vegetables, I have to make sure everyone eats nothing but vegetables.  Because Mama didn’t want me to “play with myself” then I must make sure that no one ever flogs the one-eyed snake?

Watch out, don’t use psych labels on others to behave badly yourself

A woman describes her sad story of being married to a narcissist

My heart goes out to her.  I am a psychiatrist who deals with narcissists on a regular basis and they are very, very difficult people.

But I am also a little wary.  People getting divorced almost always discover that their spouse had a personality disorder.

So, I want to give a word of warning to ladies reading this. Don’t be quick to make a psych diagnosis of your husband. Personality disorder diagnoses are easily given and often wrong – even by experts. They are also used as justification for mistreatment.

For example, a woman who struggles with Borderline Personality traits could write everything in the article and believe it all to be true, when the fact might be that she is the one with the personality disorder traits and is projecting her poor coping skills onto him.

In fact, every Borderline woman (and that is hundreds) that I have treated has told almost exactly this story – including the “Emotional Abuse” part.

NOTE: I AM NOT CLAIMING THAT THE AUTHOR IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.

I am saying that before you use the popular label “narcissist” to justify leaving your husband, consider the possibility that you may be the one in need of cognitive behavior modification

Remember When Interracial Marriage Was Forbidden By God

30 years ago today in Loving v Virginia, the Supreme Court ended bans on interracial marriage.

Do you remember how “Evil” black/white marriages used to be?  I am ashamed to say that I used to have some racist friends.  I told one of them, one time, that there was nothing wrong with it.  He blew up.  “It is Worse than Adultery”  No Christian could marry a (N-word).  God would bar the gates of heaven against such abominations.  They even had Bible to back them – Cain’s Mark, Ham’s curse, etc.

We now know that people didn’t get these opinions from the Bible, but from their traditions.  The Bible is very explicitly Anti-Racist and Anti-Sexist (“With God there is neither Greek nor Jew, Male nor Female” – Galations)

But people use the Bible to back up their opinions, not vice-versa.

So also the modern opinion of porn is not from the Bible, but from Victorian tradition.  It would be foreign to the writers or readers of either the Old or New Testaments.

Loose Lips (and Language) Sink Ships, Countries, and Marriages

So many people are saying that we are in a “Civil War” in the United States.   NO WE AREN’T and if we were then that would be terrifying and we ought to do everything in our power to make peace.

At Shiloh – just one battle of the Civil War – there were over 23 THOUSAND casualties.  That’s 9/11 times 7.  Come on, folks.  Let’s tighten up our language a bit before we start a LITERAL war.

Similarly, I wish my anti-Porn Christian friends would tighten up their language about “Addiction”  You don’t just toss around words like that loosely.  Porn is rarely an “Addiction”.   Addictions cost people their lives. I deal with Addicts every day.  They have lost everything with DUI’s, they stole from the Mothers, they couldn’t stop themselves even when it meant jail and even after and while they were IN jail.    Binge Eating disorder (food addiction) turns people in to thousand pound invalids inhaling whole bags of chips.

The only reason that porn causes breakups is because these “PornAddict” and “YourBrainOnPorn” advocates are telling women to break up with their husbands because of his “Addiction”.  If these frauds had left the family alone, then they would be close, intimate, and be having hot sex until they died.

Loose lips sink ships, and countries, and marriages.

Tighten up your language people.

R.I.P Batman, survived by his wife Catwoman (pant, pant)

To those of us of a certain age, there is only one REAL Batman, all the rest were merely imitating him.

Batmans wife CatWoman delivers a eulogy

Fortunately the REAL catwoman is going to be around for a long time to… ah… comfort us. (pant, pant)