Seven things for Christians to do after they jack off to porn

The anti-erotica legalists are almost all women.  But occasionally a man who has been indoctrinated to hate himself writes something.  Today I will link to one of these poor souls.

According to this pH D at Moody Bible Institute, this is what you do after watching porn.  He is wrong, but because he is a man, he actually understands a couple things.

  1. Recognize it is Satan’s fault (LOL)
  2. Fight Self-hatred (induced by your shame because of what other people told you)
  3. Fight the haze (Don’t relax, because you must be always tense to be a christian)
  4. Guard others (apparently you are now an incipient rapist, just waiting to anally rape anyone)
  5. Confess to friend (so he can feel better about HIS porn use)
  6. Use your clarity for good. (Apparently, now that your balls are empty, you can use your frontal lobe again)
  7. Know your God (pray and pray until you get horny the next time)

Poor, sad, deluded man.  His whole life is about porn.  He lives in between his porn use episodes in a haze of shame, confession, trying to find new restrictions that will stop him next time, anguished prayer and self-flagellation, and then, inevitably, the next porn episode.

How much better would it be if he simply accepted the Bible standard.  Erotic desire is the natural and holy part of life.  Instead of trying to force himself to not have testicles, he could have rejoiced in it, shared this part of his life with his wife, and spent his freed-up energy to help his fellow man.

Why Christian Erotica is about holiness and not fornication

The purpose of Christian Erotica is to increase Christian Marital Sex and Intimacy

I was recently contacted by a young man who wanted me to help him find a way to have internet sex with women.  He didn’t want to find a girlfriend and he wasn’t searching for a wife, he just wanted to have meaningless and faceless sex.

I didn’t help him.  Because that is not what this site and it’s companion site HolyErotica.com is about.

I maintain these sites (even though I make no money and actually spend money on them) because I believe in Christian marriage, Christian sex, and  Christian intimacy.

Like all men, I dreamed of sex from a very young age.  I asked God to please not return in the rapture before I could have sex.  I was a virgin horn dog.  But I didn’t get to kiss a girl until well after high school.   The girls probably sensed the hormones coming off of me and ran for their lives.

Because I needed sex so much, I sought desperately for a wife.  I found a great one.    It turns out that she was just as much of a horny virgin as I was.   Otherwise she would never have married a broke college student.

You see, marriage is almost never a practical idea, just a good one.    The reason that we got married is because that was the only holy way to get lots and lots of sex.

And it did us well.  Marriage is never practical but it is very good for people.  It is not practical for a man to have to work long hours because he has responsibilities, but “it is not good for a man to dwell alone.”   It is not practical to have a baby with his wife, but it is good for him, his wife, and their child.

The purpose of Holy Erotica is not to provide an alternative to seeking a wife or to having sex with your wife.  It is intended to help you be more sexual with the wife that God intends you to have.   For single men, it is intended to make you want a wife more and too seek one out.  “He that FINDETH a wife findeth a good thing.”  And FINDING requires SEARCHING.  Porn with masturbation does not DECREASE a man’s desire for a woman.  It doesn’t “drain his balls” and “give him relief.”  Did you honestly think it did?  It makes him want a woman.  If he is a Christian, it makes him want a wife.

Having said all of that.  I know that almost all of the readers are yelling at their computer screen – “BUT THAT ISN’T THE WAY IT WORKS ANYMORE”   I know that.  I am a psychiatrist and I hear stories daily that would give you nightmares.  I know that this is not 1950 anymore.  I realize that people can find sex easily.  They can buy it  within a few hours and with a little more effort they can use the online apps to find hookups.  Quality sex robots are only months away.

Here is the key, the Bible was not written in 1950.  The ancient world had pervasive sexuality also.  Slaves had no rights and could be used at will.  Temple prostitutes were cheap.   Privacy was non-existent and nudity abounded.    Yet Paul tells the Corinthians “Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.” (I Cor 6:15)  In the midst of the Vegas of the ancient world.    God expected people to live like they were in 1950’s America.

I like sex.  I like to watch videos about sex, read stories about sex, and look at pictures of sex and sexy people.    This has done me well, because I have a great wife who I can be sexually intimate with.  We are close and become closer because of all of the sex that we have.  This is the purpose of erotica, this is the purpose of sex, and this is the purpose of marriage.

Religion versus Christianity

During Jesus’ ministry, he was not the most HOLY person around.  Christianity is not like today’s Republican politics, where the person who can claim to be the most conservative wins the prize.   Christianity consists of loving Christ and growing in health together with him.

Today’s Pharisee position is that erotica is wrong.  This is the “holy” position.  It doesn’t matter that the Bible doesn’t back that position.  All that matters is that being against erotica is Religious and Holy.

But if a man truly wants to be in tune with Christ, he should stop trying so hard to fight against the erotic nature that God intended him to have.  Instead of fighting this “temptation” he ought to shape it and mold it into the image of Christ.   He should encourage his erotic nature to direct itself toward females and in particular one female – his current or future wife.  “Porn” (more properly called Erotica) is a natural and holy part of that.

Lying in order to support a “Christian” position

Christian White Lies
Lying in the defense of the faith is not Christian and not “white”

In this article a wife defends divorcing her husband because he was “addicted” to porn.  What’s more, she dedicates the rest of her life to writing and convincing other women to divorce their husbands for being men.

But to her sin of taking the Lords name in vain she adds another sin: Hypocritical Lying

Here’s what she says about “porn addiction”

A 2011 article on the neuroscience of pornography in the journal of Surgical Neurology International summarized the research and concluded, “Just as we consider food addiction as having a biologic basis, with no moral overlay or value-laden terminology, it is time we looked at pornography and other forms of sexual addiction with the same objective eye.”

This seems to add the confirmation of science to her contention that watching porn is an “addiction.”  However, if you actually click the link and discover what the article is saying, it is talking about pedophilia, not porn.   The article was making the point that the pre-frontal cortex can be changed by behaviors and not only by chemicals.  It does NOT make the point that pornography is addictive.   In fact, the American Psychiatric Association and all of the other scientific groups have gone out of their way to say that pornography use is NOT addictive.  They have published multiple articles on this and many studies.

So why does this wife tell this lie?  Because she wanted to divorce her husband and wanted to have a “holy” reason to do so.

According to my understanding, the only adultery in that wife’s marriage was her.  It is a shame that our churches are led by this sort of evil.

Guest Article: Unmarried Christians Can Have Sex

Below is a guest article by a contributor who contacted me about this website.  He and his wife are pastors of an evangelical church.   In his opinion (which I don’t necessarily share) premarital sex is not a sin and we have forced a lot of Christian young people out of the church by demanding that they keep a command which is not in the Bible.

For my response to this, see the following post  Christian Young People and Sexual Desire

—————

“Show it to me in the Word!”

That’s what my pastor said that Christians should say whenever someone told them that they must or must not do something.  I was a young Christian, a teenager who had just given his life to the Lord a few short days before, attending church for the first time and hungry for the things of God.  As Christians, he said, we were given great liberty in what we could do, but there were many misguided or ignorant people who would want to infringe on our liberty by telling us that something was a sin.  That’s when we should say, “Show it to me in the Word!” because if the Scriptures were silent on something, then we as Christians were free to do as we pleased.

As it happened, at almost the same exact time that I became a Christian, I got my first real girlfriend.  Susie didn’t understand my new faith, but it was a wonderful feeling to have someone to kiss and cuddle and simply to understand my life as a teenager.

Susie wanted to have sex, and so did I:  there was nothing wrong with my hormones.  Physically I was ready and in fact, I had been waiting a couple of years for a girl to come along who was available and cooperative.  Now I had one, and I would have happily have given her my virginity if it wasn’t for what I kept hearing at church:  premarital sex was wrong.  It was a sin, sex was only for married people.

So I went right to my pastor.  “Show it to me in the Word!”

The pastor didn’t even pause.  He smiled and opened up his Bible.  He told me I had the right attitude about checking everything out by the Word, and then showed me a few Scriptures:  “Flee fornication!” (1st Co. 6:18) was the first of many, including “abstain from fornication” (1st Th. 4:3), “The body is not for fornication” (1st Co. 6:13) and many others.  Fornication, he explained unnecessarily, was sex between two unmarried people, which is exactly what I was contemplating with Susie.  The clincher was the Jerusalem Council in Acts 15, where the apostles and early leaders of the church got together to determine the rules that were binding on the new church.  They gave Christians great liberty, laying down only three or four (depending on how they were counted):  to abstain from idol worship, and from blood and the meat of animals that had been strangled, and from fornication.  (Acts 15:20, 29)  The pastor advised me to give up my non-Christian girlfriend and above all, to flee fornication.

This wasn’t the answer I wanted, but that is what the Word said and I accepted it.  Not long afterwards, Susie and I broke up.  I also bewildered the cashier at McDonalds when I asked if the cows they used had been strangled;  she looked at me as if I had just arrived from another planet, which was approximately the way Susie had looked at me when I said we couldn’t have sex.

Pastor John had given me a list of scriptures to look up for myself, and I found that the King James word “fornication” was translated as “unchastity” or “immorality” in other translations.  That gave some Christians I knew enough grounds to condemn almost anything else, from Playboy magazine to oral sex, as forbidden, but in my mind the Scriptures thundered in Pastor John’s preaching voice:  “Flee fornication!”

I dated several Christian girls over the next couple of years, and I was still a virgin when I entered my sophomore year of college and met the girl who would become my wife.  Our physical relationship developed rapidly, so rapidly, in fact, that as we started to see no way of avoiding sex, that is, fleeing fornication, without breaking up or getting married.  We couldn’t bring ourselves to break up and as for getting married, there were issues.  We came from very different Christian traditions (my church routinely called hers a cult) and besides, we were too young, still teenagers in fact.  We loved God, prayed and read scripture together, went to each others’ churches, argued about religion and sex, made out passionately, and one night, after months of delaying the inevitable, we joyously gave each other our virginities with my shiny new engagement ring on her finger.

It was a wonderful, transcendent experience.  The only thing I had to compare with it was the day I prayed to accept Jesus and He met me with a demonstration of his presence that left me overwhelmed, barely able to stand.  I had just given my virginity to the girl I loved, and it was amazing.  The feeling of the presence of God was again overpowering.  Colors seemed brighter, all I could do was to praise God for the joy and wonder of this amazing thing he had created and this amazing girl I had just shared the experience with.  I never felt closer to God.

The problem was, we had just committed sin!  That’s what it said in the Bible,  and that’s what both of our churches taught.  So now we were in the position of having to repent of the most marvelous experience of our young lives.

We couldn’t do it.  We tried;  we both tried very hard, but it when I prayed, it was as if God suddenly left the room.  What was wrong?  Was God so angry with me that he wouldn’t even hear my prayer of repentance?  Or was he trying to tell me that he wouldn’t hear my prayer because I had no reason to repent?

For Connie the answer was clearer.  I called her the morning after, to find out that she like me had spent the night in prayer and repentance.  But God had spoken to her.  “He said that sex is a blessing, not a sin, and you don’t repent of a blessing!”

After that night, Connie and I continued to have sex whenever we could, and never felt a bit guilty about it.  God had spoken, and that was enough.

Or was it?  After all, the assertion that God had spoken to us was subjective and seemed to contradict the clear direction of his Word.  If we went to our pastor, we knew what he would say:  we were deluded, we were only trying to justify sin, the Word of God takes priority over any feelings or so-called “words from God” that we might have.  So we didn’t tell the pastor or anyone else;  we just continued doing what we were doing and were blissfully happy about it.

Intellectually, though, I was bothered.  Why did the Bible say one thing, and our experience and prayer and the inner witness of the Holy Spirit all say another?  It was a contradiction I couldn’t reconcile.  For the first time I understood why so many Christian kids leave the church when they run into something in life they can’t reconcile with the Word.  For whatever reason, it never occurred to us to stop going to church.  We loved God, we loved his Word, we loved the church, and there was no contradiction for us to hold hands in the third row back, listening to a sermon on purity, knowing full well that we had shagged each other silly the previous night and fully intended to do it again as soon as we got home.  I still wanted to be a preacher or missionary some day, and Connie still wanted to be married according to the ritual of her faith.

Then one day I found a book in the university library.  It was a bound volume of Baptist theological journals from the 1950s, just the thing that a nerdy, intellectual Christian kid with a call on his life might pick up.  In fact, I can’t imagine anyone else ever leafing through such a volume for fun, but that was the way I was back in those days – or else, as you might believe, God was leading me to a certain article.

The article in question was a detailed word study of “porneia,” which is the Greek word often translated as “fornication.”  That got my attention, and I read the article carefully, minutely, and repeatedly.  The first big point was this, and I’m going to give it its own paragraph and bold letters to make sure that no one misses the point:

Porneia – the word translated as “fornication” or “unchastity” or “immorality” — does NOT, repeat, NOT mean “premarital sex!”

I’ll repeat that.  Porneia does not mean “premarital sex.”

Instead, porneia has a specific meaning.  It means “prostitution.”

The translators of the King James Bible knew this.  When it translated the related words “pornos” and “porne,” which mean, respectively, a man or a woman who commit porneia, “porne” was never translated “fornicator:” it was always “harlot” or “whore.”  And “pornos” was translated as “fornicator” only half the time:  the rest of the time the word was translated as “whoremonger!”

Furthermore, there was an even more specific meaning of the word.  In the twentieth century, I had come to think of prostitutes as the sad women who shivered in revealing clothing on the sidewalks near the hotels downtown, trying to make a few dollars to feed a family or buy a fix.  But prostitution in that meaning of the word was unknown to the early Christian world.  Instead, the kind of prostitution that Paul and the Jerusalem Council both condemned so forcefully, was of a different character entirely.  In the eastern Mediterranean of the first century, prostitution was a religious obligation!

Pagan temples of the ancient world had deities that promoted fertility, the fertility of the fields that all depended on.  Keeping the fertility deities happy was serious business;  if the crops failed, people starved.  These deities were worshiped by having sex:  many cultures have festivals where worshipers have sex in the fields in an effort to encourage the gods to give abundant crops.  Priestesses in temples allowed men to perform such an act of worship in exchange for an offering to the temple, although it may be sheer cynicism to suggest that many men may not have been thinking primarily about crop yields and appeasing the gods when they visited temple prostitutes.

That was the kind of prostitution that Paul was familiar with, that flourished throughout the Eastern Mediterranean world and especially in Corinth where Paul admonished the early Christians to flee fornication.

Sex is indeed a holy act, an act of worship – my experiences with Connie had proven that much to me.  To take a holy act such as sex and bend it toward worshiping idols – that was the sin that so bothered the writers of the Bible.

So since the word translated “fornication” doesn’t mean simple premarital sex, what does it say in the Bible?  Show it to me in the Word!

There were actually other stories in the Bible that seemed to say that God approved of sex, even premarital sex.  We had put those stories aside because the clear message of scripture had seemed to be “flee fornication!” but now we took a closer look at some of the other stories.

There is the story of Ruth.  Ruth is a young widow at a time when a woman without a father or husband to provide for her could be in dire circumstances.  A wealthy landowner named Boaz, who was a relative of Ruth’s late husband, seems to be the answer to the problem, if only he would take more than a passing look at Ruth.  How would Ruth get the attention of Boaz, to make him take an interest in her?

Here is what Ruth’s widowed mother-in-law, Naomi, suggested:  “Wash therefore, and anoint yourself, and put on your best clothes and go down to the threshing floor;  but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking.  But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies;  then, go and uncover his feet and lie down; and he will tell you what to do.”  (Ruth 2:3-4, RSV)

So that is what Ruth did;  and it is recorded that when Boaz awakened in the night to find Ruth, he spread his cloak over her, thanked her for her kindness in coming to the bed of an older man such as himself (as someone who is now a little on the older side himself, I could appreciate such kindness also!) and observed that Ruth was a “woman of noble character.” (3:11, NIV)

Does the Bible really say that a woman of noble character would sneak into the bedroom of a man she barely knew?  Not only is that exactly what it says, but Ruth is extolled as one of the great women of Bible history, the grandmother of King David and one of the  women listed in the lineage of Jesus!

But it could be said that Boaz and Ruth could have slept together that night without sex.  That is true, the Bible doesn’t specifically say what went on under that cloak, even though the very idea of an unmarried couple sharing a bed is enough to make most modern preachers think twice about letting the couple teach Sunday school.  God’s ideas are very different from man’s.

Then there is the Song of Solomon, an erotic love poem that is so potent in its imagery that generations of theologians interpreted it as an allegory when they couldn’t ignore it altogether.  On a non-allegorical level, and read literally, it is too explicit for most Christians to be comfortable.

The Song of Solomon is a story of a young couple, a girl known as the Shulammite, a title that suggests that she was of the household of Solomon.  I think a reasonable guess is that she was Solomon’s daughter or granddaughter.  Solomon is not her lover;  a literal reading of the poem suggests that the object of her affection is a young shepherd boy.  How young?  Perhaps shockingly so; one scholar who studied Hebrew customs of the time suggested that the boy is about 15 and the girl “not a day over 13-1/2”[1]!  At face value, it is a love song of two unmarried teen lovers “persuading each other that they should sleep together.”[2]  The boy admires and praises his fiancee’s breasts and vulva[3] (Song of Solomon 7:1-3).  Oral sex is alluded to in 2:3 and 7:2, his fingers slip into her opening at 5:4, and at 7:8 she finally climbs his palm tree, to speak poetically.  And this, two scholars note with wonder, is done without guilt and with the apparent blessing of God![4]

But, of course, the Song of Solomon is only an allegory of Christ’s love for the Church, right?

So let’s look at another story, one that is familiar to every Christian, told at every Advent Season:  the story of Mary and Joseph: the story of a young, unmarried and very pregnant couple, traveling a long way from home and refused room at the inn.  I emphasize “unmarried” because the Bible does:  the word “espoused” in the King James Version at Luke 2:3 is better rendered in other versions as “engaged,” or “betrothed.”

Some commentators have tried to soften the fact that they were unmarried by emphasizing that they were betrothed, a word that meant something rather more than simply being engaged would today.  Yet, these same commentators insist, sex was still off-limits until the actual wedding day.  Just because the ring is on the finger doesn’t mean the panties can come off.

The problem with this theory of betrothal and chastity is that it is not well-supported in scholarship.  But rather than get into the game of dueling footnotes, I’d rather say this:  Show it to me in the Word!

The Word says:  “Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.  Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.”  (Matthew 1:18-19, NIV)

There is a lot to unpack her.  First, although the couple were engaged or betrothed, Joseph is called “her husband.”  That’s an interesting translation, although most versions will use it:  the Greek word literally means “her man.”

Second, Joseph didn’t want to expose Mary to public disgrace.  But consider this:  what is the public disgrace Joseph is shielding Mary from?  The fact that she is pregnant and therefore, presumably, had premarital sex?  This cannot be the case, because it is soon going to be obvious to everyone that Mary is pregnant and she would be subject to public disgrace anyway.  The real problem is that Mary is pregnant and Joseph is not the father – the scripture clearly says that this was “before they came together.”  Since the only people on earth who know that Joseph cannot be the father are Mary and Joseph themselves, the public disgrace would be if Joseph publicly accuses Mary of cheating on him.  But Joseph is a righteous man who won’t do that to Mary, and decides to put her away quietly.

In other words: the sin was not that Mary had (as would be presumed) had premarital sex;  the sin was that Mary had broken her covenant with Joseph and had sex with someone else.  The fact that Joseph would contemplate breaking the engagement with Mary without causing a scandal, indicates that for engaged couples to have premarital sex and fall pregnant as a result, was neither scandalous nor particularly unusual.

Although I wonder what would have happened if Mary and Joseph told their modern-day pastor that it was OK because they had been told in an angelic visitiation.  He would have said they were deluded, or merely trying to justify their sin, and that the Word of God takes priority over any so-called “words from God!”  But God’s ideas are very different from man’s.

For a betrothed woman to fall pregnant was not scandalous or unusual.  Premarital sex simply wasn’t considered a sin under such circumstances !

So in conclusion:  one cannot argue against premarital sex based on the scripture verses that warn Christians against fornication (or whatever word is used to translate “porneia”) because fornication does not mean premarital sex.  In fact, there are several biblical passages in which premarital sex is permitted, and in the case of the Song of Solomon, it is even presented in positive terms.

Martin Luther was one of the great Christian leaders to study the scriptures and come to this same conclusion himself.  Sex between two persons “in anticipation of betrothal” – that is, before they were even engaged!  “cannot be reckoned fornication,” he said.[5]

In short:  there is nothing in the Bible that forbids premarital sex.  If anyone disagrees, I’ll respond the way my first pastor taught me:  “Show it to me in the Word!”

[1]Lawrence J. Friesen, Sexuality:  A Biblical Model in Historical Perspective (D. Min thesis, Fuller Theological Seminary, 1989), 28.

[2]Helmut Gollwitzer, Song of Love:  A Biblical Understanding of Sex (Philadelphia:  Fortress, 1979), 18.

[3]According to G. Lloyd Carr, The Song of Solomon:  An Introduction and Commentary (Leicester, England & Downers Grove, Illinois:  Inter-Varsity Press, 1984), 157, the phrase translated in the NIV as “graceful legs” refers to the labia and the Hebrew “sarr” or “navel” (NIV) refers to the vulva.

[4]Friesen 173, Gollwitzer 29-30.

[5]In Mark Ellingsen, “Luther on Human Sexuality,” Dialog 32 (Winter 1992):69-75, 72.

Christian young people and sexual desire

Premarital sex
Does the first time have to be on the honeymoon?

In the article on this website “Unmarried Christians Can Have Sex” my friend (I shall call him “Mark”) makes the argument that neither the Old nor New Testament’s condemn premarital sex and that the Greek word “porneo” does not mean “fornication” but rather “prostitution.”

Here is my response.

The world has changed around us.  I don’t only mean that sexual mores have changed.  Of course they have – they always change.  The sexual mores of every culture are slightly different.  The reason that the mores are different is because the situations are different.  In Isaiah 4:1 the Bible says.

Isa 4:1 And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach

This is predicting a time when war has decimated the number of men so much that polygamy becomes necessary.   One of the wonderful things about the eternal Word of God is that it applies in any cultural circumstance, not just one.   So the appropriate interpretation of scripture will apply in the tribal polygamous interior parts of Africa, in Scotland of the 11th century where bride-stealing was normal, in the frontier of America and in the modern western world.

Our world has changed from our parents considerably. First of all, let’s admit I’m talking about WHITE young people here,  I don’t know very much about the minority communities of the time.  In 1950 (white) America a man got a factory job straight out of high school or a white collar job after 4 straight (uninterrupted) years of college.   Either of these jobs could support a wife and 2 to 5 kids.  So people got married at 17 to 24 and stayed married the rest of their lives.  It was fairly easy to preach to these young people that they should be virgins on the night of their marriage because abstaining from sex until that time in a crowd of young people who are raised the same is not that impossible.  A typical Christian and moral young man would kiss his first girl at age 16, start engaging in heavy petting throughout high school, start getting hand jobs from his steady girl friend/fiance in his twenty’s and then get to the mother-lode somewhere around his wedding night (probably a little before).

Of course, there were also a lot of “oop’s”  but these were either taken care of by shotgun weddings (if the boy did the “right thing”) or “homes for unwed mothers” with adoptions for the others.

But marrying at 24 is now a very bad thing according to our culture.  All of the studies show that “young” marriages don’t last.    So can we apply the standards of the 1950’s to today’s young people.

No – we should apply the standards of the Bible – because the Bible is the only word that matters – not the traditions of the current evangelical community – nor the current practice of the world around us.

As my friend states in the accompanying article, the early apostles faced exactly this situation in Acts when the early Christians began to preach to the Gentiles.  The traditions of the Jews were wildly different from the practice of the surrounding pagans, and the surrounding pagans lives were vastly different from God’s righteousness.  So they said this – We will not apply the traditions of our fathers to the Gentiles, but we will apply the traditions of righteouesness – The Gentiles must abstain from Idols – from things strangled – and from fornication.

My friend, Mark, says that this “fornication” here is simply re-stating the first 2 issues.  That fornication means prostitution and the apostles are simply saying that Christians should not worship idols, eat idolatrous meat, or patronize whores (or be whores)

But I think that he is putting to narrow of a definition on the greek word “porneos”  – I think that  these non-religious experts explain how the word became to encompass more than pure commercial sex – it started generalizing into slave sex and then generally people who had a lot of sex.  Even in English people will use the word “whoring” to mean more than pure prostitution.  Have you ever heard someone say, “She’s a total whore” or “She’s whores around so much she probably has all the STD’s”.  When people say these things, they don’t mean that the woman is selling it – but rather that she has sex with a lot of different people.

So, I believe that the apostles were saying to the Gentiles.  We believe that it is necessary for you to adopt the sexual behavior taught by the Old Testament.

Now, the Old Testament is actually pretty liberal about sex in comparison to current evangelical sexual mores.  The rule, effectively, is that getting caught having sex before marriage means that the man will have to marry the girl and give her father 50 shekels of silver (a lot of money).

So, in other words, sex is for married people – or at least people soon to get married.

I had some young men in my church a few years ago who had the same current attitude toward sex as the world.  One of them managed to have sex with a dozen or more virgins before he finally got around to one that he liked.  Now, I don’t know about you, but I call that “whoring around.”

On the other hand, I don’t really expect a couple who are not yet in a financial shape to get married, but they are in a long-term dating relationship, to remain perfectly abstinent.  To do so would be to deny nature and expect something from them that nature (and nature’s God) simply doesn’t expect.

Maybe we ought to teach our young people that sex is something to be delayed and, if possible, to be enjoyed with only one person in your life.   At least it ought to be enjoyed only with long-term relationships, not something you jump into on the first or second date – like the current practice of the world is.

Meanwhile – the meaning of the word “ADULTERY” has not changed since God first wrote it with his finger on the stone at Mt. Sinai.

I don’t know – what do you think?

New Study: Preaching against Porn “Addiction” makes it WORSE not better

Preaching against porn
Feel Bad About Yourself – That is true holiness

Preachers do their people no favors by preaching against pornography.   A new peer reviewed study published in “Addiction” magazine shows that men who have been taught that pornography perceive themselves to be addicted even when they are not.   This perception continues to dog them and cause problems in their lives.  So their lives are made worse – not by their viewing pornography – but rather because they have been taught that what they are doing is wrong.

Not surprisingly, this terrible feeling of guilt that the church has imposed on these men does not help them “overcome” their addiction.   Nor does 12-step programs or any of the other “addiction” treatments.  The reason that none of these programs or treatments work is because THEY ARE NOT ADDICTED.  Treating men’s fullfillment of their normal erotic desires as an addiction is like treating an overweight person for diabetes.  He doesn’t lose any weight, but he can die from your treatment.

In this study, they studied people who had viewed porn in the past six months.   They asked the subjects how much porn they viewed, about their religious views, whether they felt like porn was a sin, and whether they felt like they were addicted to porn.   Not surprisingly, the religious people who believed that porn was sinful also believed that they were addicted.  The subjects who didn’t think it was sinful didn’t believe that they were addicted.   By the normal standards of “addiction” (significantly negatively influenced their lives) the unreligious people didn’t display any problems in their lives.

Then six months later they asked the same people about their porn habits and about their feelings of addiction.   The religious people were WORSE not better.  They perceived themselves to be addicted at a far higher level than the non-religious ones.

In short, preaching against men looking at erotic images does not help them.  It makes them feel worse about their lives while not giving them any help to “overcome”    The reason it doesn’t help them overcome is because it is

 

Why Christian Men Aren’t Getting Married

This man is not welcome in the church

Great article at fox news.  Hat tip Instapundit.

Firstly, Christian men aren’t getting married because there are so few single Christian men.

When is the last time you saw a Christian single man at church?  Was he available?  Of course not.  He was grabbed up.  There are few single men at the church because the church makes no attempt to reach them.  Oh yes, the women are trying to reach them and bring them to church with them.  But the men don’t show up, and are not being sought, by the church.  When the grace of God reaches down and touches a young man, and he shows up to church, then the feminized church will drive him away.   Masculinity, sweat, hunting, fishing, competing, are all treated as a vaguely distasteful necessity of having men at the church.  But the “real” Christian men will be feminized.  They will have great “listening” skills and their gestures will be comfortably familiar to females.  When the church later discovers that they are homosexual, they will be shocked.

The only “men’s” program at the church is the program for families.  The singles groups are full of women and the lessons are all about dieting, diabetes education, communication, and recovery from “emotional abuse” of their ex-boyfriends and husbands.

If a man is a real man, if he likes beer and naked women.  If he has a beard and a likes to look at women’s boobs, then he will be shunted to a Promise Keeper’s group to be properly educated out of his gender.

And, God help us, if these men like sex, if they like to look at naked women, if they go online to look at pornography and erotica, then they must be disciplined, they must be discipled, the must be cured of their “Porn Addiction”

Are you surprised that masculine men don’t want anything to do with Christ?

And it is a shame, because Jesus and his disciples were men’s men.  They could stand up in front of the Sanhedrin and tell them that they would obey God rather than men.  They could work all night, naked, on a boat in the middle of the sea of Galilee, even if they caught nothing.

Christian men aren’t getting married because the church has decided it doesn’t want Christian single men, it just wants properly schooled girly-men.

What “Christians” will do when faced with an argument they can’t answer

When faced with a question they can’t answer, here is how some “Christians” react

So, someone reading this site didn’t like what I said.  So, instead of answering with a reasoned argument, they went through all of the posts and found an image that they thought I had improperly used, contacted the picture owners and attempted to get me fined.

Since this site is free, makes no money, and actually costs me money, this is an attempt to shut me down.

It didn’t work.  I inline link – not copy – images.  So no copyright infringement exists.

But what is so sad is that this person, who identifies himself or herself as a servant of Christ, would rather anonymously punish someone who disagrees rather than discuss.  It is the tactics of Hell and not of Heaven.  It is the tactics of repression and not the tactics of American freedom.

I suspect that this person would quote Matt 5:28 about looking on a woman with lust but didn’t seem to read 3 verses above

Mat 5:23-24 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;  Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

But this supposed Bible believer didn’t even have the courage to leave a comment before trying to call the courts down on me.  This is a sad commentary on the state of today’s church.  Opinions have taken the place of Bible, hatred has replaced love, and attacks the place of reasoned debate.

Forbidding to marry and commanding to abstain from meats

Abstention is not holy
Asceticism is not holiness

I Tim 4:1-5 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth. For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving:  For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.

One of the most common methods of false holiness is asceticism, the attempt to look more holy than others by denying normal and Godly desire.

The medieval Catholics practiced this by forbidding their priests to marry and stopped them from eating meat on Friday and during Lent.   This allowed them to feel holy even while their were slaughtering babies, stealing from their neighbors, keeping mistresses, etc.

So also, today, our modern church movement has decided that it has to make up some new rules to make them feel holy.  Now, note, one of the most common sins in the pew today is probably fornication.  Unmarried couples are openly shacked up together.  Dating couples are assumed to be sleeping together.  Yet, the church ignores these sins and instead preaches against the boyfriend’s “addiction” to porn.

Turning to fake science, they believe that the man’s sleeping with his girlfriend doesn’t harm his brain, but somehow looking at erotica will.  Even though, the Bible clearly forbids the first and promotes the second.

This is not a new phenomenon.  Paul said that in the latter times people would depart from the faith and instead preach other doctrines – doctrines of devils.    Just because it is “forbidding” does not make it holy.  God is not a God of forbidding, but a God of pleasure.  When we take pleasure in the proper place (in our marriages, and in imaginations about marriages) then life is holy and pure.   When we add in our own commands – morphing the gospel into legalism and pharisaism – then we live lives of bondage and guilt.

So rejoice with the wife of thy youth.  Let your fountain be blessed as your watch erotica.  Enjoy the pleasures that God gave you and tell the legalists to go read their bible more and preach a false chastity less.

#Christianity, #Masculinity, and #Pornography

Holy Men are Erotic
The Masculine Christian

The feminized church can no longer imagine what a masculine Christianity ever was or should be.

David, the man after God’s own heart, was as hypersexual as any man in history.  God rebuked him only for stealing his friend’s wife.  Michelangelo’s famous statue is not a picture of a girly-man.

Paul could preach so strongly that he was stoned.  He did not express “empathy” and he did not “help hurting people.”  He preached the gospel – a gospel that made men so mad that they stoned him.

Jesus did not back down to Pilate.  He did not try to find common ground.  He did not try to understand where Pilate was coming from.  Instead he told him that “for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth.”

When the famous circuit rider of Colorado, Father John L Dyer, had a man come to church and mocking the altar call, he told him, “You came in the door, but you are going out the window.”  This man, called “The snowshoe itinerant” traveled across the continental divide all winter in order to preach the gospel.

Any of these men would not be welcome in today’s church.  They were not sufficiently “nurturing.”  David would have been forced to confess his sex “addiction”  Paul would have been called “divisive.”  Jesus, himself, would have been counseled about how to be more “seeker-friendly”

It is time we took back Christianity.  I don’t think that we can change the church be “becoming involved”  I think we can change the church by standing up on feet, expressing our masculinity without apology or fear and proclaiming that we love Christ, we love being a man, and yes, we like sex.

View the videos on HolyErotica without fear or guilt.  Be a man to your wife.  Be a man in the church.  She will love and respect you the more for refusing to be a hypocrite and the church will learn what it means to see a man.

I’m a christian who watches porn – as God intended

Christian Men watching porn
All men – especially Christian men – watch porn. There is nothing wrong with that

So you’re a sincere Christian man and you have looked at porn your entire life.  You feel terribly guilty about this.  Your prayers are hindered as a result.  All of the “Men’s retreats” at your church concentrate on one subject and one subject only  – “Pornography Addiction”.   You have tried giving it up multiple times.  You confessed to your pastor and got an “accountability partner.”  After the first couple of times you stopped telling him how you have “fallen” again.  Maybe you even lost him as a friend as a result.

You feel all alone, because your church has placed you on a merry-go-round of eternal guilt.  After decades of trying to beat your “porn addiction” you sense that you will always watch it.  Maybe you even dropped out of church, since you knew that you must not be a Christian.  Christians should be able to overcome at least one addiction!

You have fallen prey to the modern Pharisees. You have been duped into a falsehood.  There is no command in the Bible telling you to avoid erotic stories or images.  In fact, the opposite is true.  The Bible is full of erotica.  It describes and treats masturbation just like it treats sex, pregnancy, and menstruation – as normal parts of a holy life.   The command to avoid pornography is man’s tradition, not God’s command and certainly not Bible.

Here are the links proving that you are a good Christian with whom God is well-pleased.

It is NOT Lust

It is NOT Addiction

It is Healthy

The Taboo on Porn is Man’s Tradition

God wrote Porn

Continue to be a Man

Jerk off with Joy

Here is a website with only Holy Porn for your enjoyment

Why #Christian #Pornography is healthy for men and couples

Porn is Healthy For Couples
A Husband is drawn closer to his wife when he views Erotica

So, it is my position that Christian men can view what is considered pornography (wrongly called, it should be erotica) without being wrong.   I say this for three reasons.  Firstly, holy erotica is God-ordained and inspired.  Secondly, it is healthy.  Thirdly, sincere holy men have been looking at “dirty” art for thousands of years without our religion being destroyed.

Firstly,  Erotica is God-ordained.   The Bible includes everything necessary for a Christian life.  God knew that people would be angry at life’s injustices, so he put in the book of Job.  He knew that people would question him, so he put in many of the Psalms and the book of Habakkuk.  He knew that people would feel hopeless as they approached old age, so he put in the book of Ecclesiastes.  Proverbs is filled with miscellaneous advice on thousands of important subjects.

And God knew that single people should be reminded how wonderful married love is, and he knew that married people would need to encourage their sexual desire so that it would not become humdrum.  So he put in the play of the Song of Solomon that includes nudity, erotica, and explicit sexual imagery.  Solomon had this play performed live in his court – in short – he had live sex shows, since video hadn’t been invented yet.  God included this “porn” (actually erotica) in his Bible for a reason.  That reason is to inform us that in our railing against adulter and fornication we should not forget that marital sex was invented by God for the pleasure of his people.

Secondly, Erotica is healthy.  Despite what you read about from non-physician, non-psychiatrist, pseudo-experts like “YourBrainOnPorn” Gary Wilson; studies do NOT show that your brain is harmed by viewing erotica.  In fact, a recent study showed that couples who overcome the imposed guilt of the legalistic churches were drawn closer together, even if the erotica was viewed alone.  If brains were truly damaged so badly by porn, then the 70% of men who ADMIT that the view porn regularly and the 29% who lie about it would be wandering the streets waiting to murder and rape women.   And yet, most marriages seem to survive and thrive in spite of these poor husbands’ brains being destroyed.  We would like to provide a study showing that marriages survive more when men view porn, but we can’t find any men who don’t watch porn.   The “Porn Addiction” so much quoted by these pseudo-experts simply doesn’t exist, which is why the psychiatrists did not include it as a diagnosis in the newly released Diagnostic Statistical Manual 5(DSM5).  Vegetarians want to define bacon as an addiction, and the new puritans want to define erotica as an addiction.  Neither is.

Thirdly, sincere Christian men are already viewing porn.  Yes, I know, Christians sin all the time.  But if the Holy Spirit is really guiding ANY Christians and God hates porn so much, then SOME of them should be overcoming.  Yet the studies show that there is no difference between the porn viewing habits of proclaiming Christians and non-believers.  That is because God is not helping men to overcome an act that he never forbade.

The church, dominated the dear sisters who don’t understand the biological desire that God gave all men  keep trying to accomplish the impossible.  The natural result is a church empty of men.  Pastors who counsel marital couples when the husbands porn “addiction” is discovered actually destroy the marriage.

Oh what peace we often forfeit, Oh what needless pain we bear.  All because we do not trust that Jesus, the eternal word of God, actually knew what he saying when he said:

Prov 5:19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Things Most Surely Believed

Hot girl believes in Jesus
Christians believe in Jesus

Lu 1:1 Forasmuch as many have taken in hand to set forth in order a declaration of those things which are most surely believed among us,

To listen to the sermons and read the web pages of the modern evangelical church, you would think that the principles of the gospel are freedom from “addictions” and helping people overcome their “hurts”.

Not long ago I passed a small church with a sign out front that said, “We help hurt people.”   I thought, yeah, you probably do.  People come to you for help and you help to hurt them.

I once attended a church in the Texas panhandle who thought that the principles of the gospel were to keep the women in “modest” apparel – long baggy dresses with long sleeves.  To keep their hair long and uncut.  To keep them from wearing jewelry which might gain attention.  In short, to keep women as uglified as possible in order to keep the men of the church from lusting after them.

This worked as well as you might imagine.  The pastor snuck off to Lubbock to look at porn and purchase prostitutes.  He slavered after the young wives of the church, committed adultery with them, and broke up their marriages.  He felt guilty about these things, of course.  He went to other pastors in towns to confess his sins in order to attempt to use “accountability” to recover from his “addiction.”  It didn’t work.  – Of course, it didn’t work.   Making up your own gospel never does.

The principles of the gospel – those things “most surely believed” are not the things MOST IMPORTANT TO US.  Just because we have been raised in the prudish Victorian principles of anti-erotica, and just because our God-given biology forces us to behave in opposition to these unscriptural principles, does not mean that these are the things MOST IMPORTANT TO GOD.

God cares about the gospel.  Jesus came to tell us God’s word.  He didn’t come to back up the Pharisees in their traditions.  The Gospel of Jesus is about dying for our sins, being resurrected for our regeneration, promising us that he will return for our hope of the resurrection.  The sins that he wishes to deliver us from are Adultery, Fornication, Hatred, Murder, Rioting, Drunkeness (Galations 5:19-20) not “addictions.”  He came to give us the source of the fruits of the Spirit – Love, Joy, Peace, etc.  We help people overcome their addictions (the true addictions, I mean) because they prevent the fruits of the spirit from being expressed in their lives.  But the centrality of the Gospel is not MEN but GOD.  It is about Jesus and our relationship to him.

The Church must return to preaching the gospel instead of being a self-help group guided only by Pop Psychology that has no source in either the gospel or science.

Erotica – or what today we inaccurately call porn – is, as God showed us in the Song of Solomon, part of a healthy lifestyle.   If we are guided by Scripture, the we would be promoting Holy Erotica (as I do in my website HolyErotica.com)

Today’s church is being seduced, like the foolish Galations so long ago, into believing a gospel of works.  That living a Christian life means living and talking about Jesus, not running around talking about the most current fad to preach against.

Porn and Big Macs – Nannies all around us

Are you tired of the nannies who keep trying to tell us what is bad for us?  I know that I am.  For some years the vegetarians have been trying to order us to give up meat.  They told us that humans are all supposed to be vegetarians or vegans.  They enlisted the support of nanny-state regulators to stop us from enjoying Big Macs and T-Bones.

Meanwhile, we doctors have to treat the anemia from the B12, Folic Acid, and iron deficiencies of people who allowed the food puritans to give them orders.

Now a segment of the right has jumped into the Nanny business.  Supposedly viewing pornography is now “addiction”.  All of the studies disprove this.   I treat addicts all of the time.  Not once have I had a patient who could not go to work in the morning because he couldn’t stop watching porn.  Not once have I had a man who ended up in the emergency room from porn.  I have treated hyper-sexual people, but they are, without fail, suffering from another psychiatric disease that caused the hypersexuality.  (Bipolar, Mental Retardation, Schizophrenia)

I want you to notice something.  All of these “Porn Addiction” experts ARE NOT PSYCHIATRISTS.  The number one man out there making money off of these false claims (dare I say “fake news”) is Gary Wilson (Your Brain On Porn).  He is not even a scientist.  He has not one peer-reviewed study to his name.  He is an anatomy lab tech is at a 2nd rate state university.

The Psychiatrists have made it clear.  Porn is not an addiction.  There is no “Porn Addiction” diagnosis in the manual.  It doesn’t have the effect on the brain that drugs and behaviors of addiction do.  You do not become desensitized to porn with use, in fact the opposite occurs, the brain responds better with more use.  You are no more “addicted” to porn than a newly wed is “addicted” to sex with his wife.  Nor does use of porn lead one into more perverse sexual behaviors.   The opposite occurs.  The young man sees the perverse behaviors, may even try them out, is repelled by them and returns to more healthy sexual habits as he gets older.  Ted Bundy’s manipulated his dupe “Dr.” James Dobson into becoming an anti-porn activist.   But Dobson has a single child-psychology degree and no post-doctoral research to his name.  Bundy claimed that porn caused his abberant behavior.  If that is true, then why are the 70% of men who admit to using porn and the 99% of men who actually look at it running around killing people.

What is it in humans that causes us to want others to stop having fun.  Is it resentment that if I can’t have fun, then no one else should be able to?  Because Mama made me eat my vegetables, I have to make sure everyone eats nothing but vegetables.  Because Mama didn’t want me to “play with myself” then I must make sure that no one ever flogs the one-eyed snake?

A #Porn Site for Christians to use #HolyErotica .com

The holy beauty of the female form

I have just launched HolyErotica.com.  It   I have launched this site for the purpose of providing Christians with depictions of pure, loving, and holy sex.  Here is my mission statement for the site.


What is “Holy Erotica”

Holy Sex is between a husband and a wife.   God intended men (and women) to be excited by the thought of sex.  He intended us to be excited about beautiful bodies and the thought of sex with them.  There is nothing wrong and everything right about us enjoying written and visual depictions of sex.   But these depictions should either be depictions of holy sex or if the sex is unholy, then the depiction ought to include an unattractive end result of sin – which is sorrow, pain, and death.

 

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God created he him; male and
female created he them.

 

Sex should be beautiful, pure, loving, and kind.  It should not involve more than two people.  It should not include humiliation, bondage or pain.  Both people involved in the erotic depiction should appear to love one another and enjoy the act.

 

Song of Solomon 8:7 Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.

 

Good art depicts the ideal, the perfect.  So Holy Erotica will show perfect sex.  Of course, in real life perfection does not exist, but that doesn’t mean I want to see imperfection.  I don’t watch romantic movies where they live unhappily ever after and I don’t watch porn that has pimpled, ugly, fat, and old people.  If I wanted to see an old fat guy having sex I would put a mirror on my bedroom ceiling.

 

Our imaginations were intended to be on holy and pure things.  So the videos on this site will show pure sex, between two people or one person with their own self, in its most pure form.

 

Phillippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

 

I know that most porn is produced by unmarried partners, but the sex act, itself is holy.  Just as a beautiful meal can be consumed by a glutton, so also the holy act of sex can be participated in by sinful people.  In my mind, the sex depicted is presumed to be marital  – I don’t ask for marriage certificates.

 

I Corinthians 10:27-28 If any of them that believe not bid you to a feast, and ye be disposed to go; whatsoever is set before you, eat, asking no question for conscience sake.  But if any man say unto you, This is offered in sacrifice unto idols, eat not for his sake that shewed it, and for conscience sake: for the earth is the Lord’s, and the fulness thereof:

 

If, in the depiction, the participants state that they are unmarried, then that video will not be intentionally on this site.

 

So, the “porn” (really erotica) on this HolyErotica.com site are going to be either solo or between (presumably) married couples who love one another and are mutually enjoying the act.  If there is any gagging, “make her swallow”, spanking, BDSM, anal, gang-bangs or other humiliating acts, and (of course) underage sex, then it is by accident and I would appreciate being contacted and informed of my oversight.

Despite the claims of the “porn addiction” crowd, I have viewed porn for over four decades without any desire to “escalate” to depraved acts.  I love sex with my wife as much today as I did on our marriage day when we gave our virginity to each other.  We both enjoy it a lot more than we did that night because we have gained some skills in the intervening decades – some of those skills were gained by watching “porn.”

 

Whatsoever things are pure. Not all porn is holy, but some is

God intended us to enjoy erotic images and video
Beautiful, pure, and holy sex

I take the position that Christians should watch porn.  But in saying this, I do not defend the position that all porn is good.  In fact, the vast majority of the porn on the internet is junk.  It is full of hatefulness, degradation, gang bangs and adultery.  Anyone who loves God knows that these things are evil.

My statement that “I like porn” is similar to the statement “I like sex.”  It is not a defense of every act of sex, or even most acts of sex, that take place.

A quote from CS Lewis’ Screwtape Letters is appropriate:

Never forget that when we are dealing with any pleasure in its healthy and normal and satisfying form, we are, in a sense, on the Enemy’s [God’s] ground. I know we have won many a soul through pleasure. All the same, it is [God’s] invention, not ours. He made the pleasures: all our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden. Hence we always try to work away from the natural condition of any pleasure to that in which it is least natural, least redolent of its Maker, and least pleasurable. An ever-increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure is the formula…. To get the man’s soul and give NOTHING in return–that is what really gladdens [Satan’s] heart.

There is a small amount of porn out there, beautiful couple porn and individual person porn, that celebrates the beauty and wonder of sex as God intends it.  Two  people who love one another have committed themselves to create a family will then celebrate that union in rapturous, orgasmic joy and pleasure.   To watch this rapturous joy and vicariously experience in ourselves is to participate in God’s plan or pleasure and to be brought closer to each other and God.  This is why he allowed us into the sexual experiences of Solomon and his Shunnamite wife.

I believe my favorite erotic clip of all times is this scene from “The Neon Bull”.  (Warning, this clip shows explicit sex). I see a husband making love to the mother of his child.  Watching this sort of erotica does not lead me to (as the “porn addiction” advocates claim) see more depraved porn.  In fact, depraved sex has never appealed to me.  I have never wanted to humiliate my wife with sex.  I have never wanted to “split her open”, “make her gag”, “make her swallow” or “make her” do anything else.  Sex is not a matter of “using” one another at all, except in the sense that I want my wife to use ME for her pleasure and vica-versa.  Occasionally, when I am sated and not particularly needing sex, I enjoy watching my darling enjoy herself with my body.

When I watch this pure sort of erotica, it makes me a better husband, it makes me a better man.  I become more loving, I seek to reach the ideal that the erotica

Now, watching the other stuff does not have the same effect.  It can make me more selfish, it can make sex with my wife less loving, less pure, less unselfish.

Of course what we watch affects us.  It should.  That is why God told us,

“Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

I am not pleased with how much effort that I have to make to find these pure and holy erotic scenes.  I wish that someone would create a website that contained links to only these items.    What do you think?

Rick Warren’s wife on porn. Sincerely wrong

Commanding to abstain from God-created pleasure
Thou shalt not enjoy thyself

Rick Warren’s wife recently admitted to occasionally viewing porn.  Because she is part of the evangelical movement she has to call this occasional use “addiction to porn” even though what she is describing is no more addiction to porn than a vegetarian’s occasional McDonald’s burger is an addiction to meat.

What is happening in the evangelical community is that the traditions of the Victorian age have become internalized until most Christians don’t even realize that we are encourged, not forbidden, to view erotica.   As a result, sincere Chritians are spending much of their spiritual energy on an ascetic attempt to “deny the flesh” instead of serving God.

Paul dealt with the same impulse in the early church when he said that “forbidding to marry and commanding to abstain from meats” was a doctrine of devils.  (I Tim. 4:3)

The flesh and erotica was created by God, and were intended to be enjoyed by men and women.  Christians sexual actions and their erotic thoughts are to be enjoyed either solo or within the boundaries of marriage, because it is within those limits that human beings can best live a holy, healthy, and fulfilled life.

Commanding to abstain from erotica is not Christian anymore than commanding to abstain from meats was Christian in the first century.

 

Telling your wife that you watch porn

So you have used porn for years secretly.  Your wife has caught you a few times and you sincerely promised to never do it again.  But a few weeks/months later, you saw a link and… well.  There you were.

Then you started wondering why all men look at porn no matter how religious, Christian, or sincere they are.  What if the reason you keep doing it again is because God never intended you to stop.  There is no “way of escape” because there is no “temptation.”

So you want your wife to understand and (fantasy) maybe even join you.

There are lots of websites telling you how to confess to your wife but you didn’t come here to find that out.

I’m a psychiatrist and the art of psychiatry is the skill of getting people to act in their own best interest even when they don’t want to.  We do this by realizing their perceptual distortions and helping them overcome them.

Everyone, not just schizophrenics, have perceptual distortions.  Remember when we used to read comic strips (I know, dinosaur age)  Cathy had a perceptual distortion about her weight.  Much like an anorexic

Now you think that only sick people think that way, but you are wrong.  Everyone does this.  I recently got a hair cut and the hair falling in my lap was grey.  This is strange, because the hair I see in the mirror is brown.  I have to actually cut off a piece and look at it separately before I can perceive it’s true color.  I once dyed it and was confused because it didn’t change color (in my mirror) while everyone else laughed at my attempt to look younger.

So your wife thinks that she is fat and ugly.  When she looks in the mirror her baby stretch marks stand out like beacons.  Her breasts sag like a tribal woman in National Geographic.  Her hair is a straggly mess of grey that should belongs in the Salem Witch Trials and her butt is a dimpled mess.

Now you don’t see her that way (or you shouldn’t – if you do, then some family counseling is in order – more in a later post).  You see her through eyes of love.   Those stretch marks are from your babies that nursed at those lovely breasts.  You have mounted that butt with joy uncountable times.

This is why your wife has such a violent (literally sometimes) reaction to the thought of you viewing porn.  She thinks that you are wishing to be out of your marriage, to be able to “hit that.”  She thinks that you are “lusting in your heart” that you want to sneak off and “get a piece” of that pretty young thing.

Your job is to get her to see it through another lens – through the lens of romantic chick flicks on the Hallmark channel.  When Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman and Sully make out, is she thinking – “Oh, I wish I could kiss that manly tomahawk-wielding hunter in buckskins with long wavy hair”.

Quinn kissing Sully. Porn For Wives
If only my husband looked like that

No, of course not, she is seeing herself as Dr. Quinn and you are her Sully.  That’s why you take her to the theater and sit through chick flix right?  For the sex afterwards.  Yeah, I know you do and YOU know you do.

Ok, so in this feminized society where masculinity is hated, and normal men’s erotic desires are despised, how do you convince your wife to go against the Christian culture that pervades your life.

Don’t try to argue your side.  That will only lead to many long arguments which you may or may not win, depending on your marriage dynamics.  You need to tell her how you see her while not giving up your masculinity.

For example.  Let’s say that your wife has watched Game of Thrones with you (even though she makes you fast forward through the good parts).  Someday, when she is naked, stare at her breasts for a long time, lick your lips, play with a nipple and say, “You know, you look like Daenarys Stormborn but with LOTS bigger boobies.”

Now, you are going to get a rise out of her.  She is going to ask what you are doing looking at Danni’s tits.  You reply, “Hey, I’m a guy, I like titties. Wanna make love?”  She’ll continue to argue, you just keep touching her and telling her how turned on she makes you and asking for immediate sex.  Tell her that you are a man, show her your erection and prove it.  Even if this ends with, “I’m not have sex with you if you are thinking about other women” You have begun to make your point.

Then, a few days later,  after you have had great sex and are cuddling together, you say,

“God, that was hot, I just feel like I fucked <famous pornstar>”
“Who is that”
“A pornstar”

Yes, she is going to hit you.  Be prepared.  You’re playing the long game here.  She is going to be angry that you just confessed to watching porn.  Make sure that you are prepared; don’t lose your temper; don’t raise your voice; just don’t.  Your line is “I’m a guy, aren’t you glad that I’m a man and like girls.  I sure like you.  You turn me on and I love having great sex with you.  You’re the only porn star that I have ever made love to. Let’s have sex again.”

You might even ask her, “You’re so hot, can I take some pictures of you to beat-off to when I’m at work.”  If she lets you do this, then make sure and call her from work and tell her that you are jacking-off to her pictures.

Her line of attack will be to try to get you to promise to stop it.  Tell her, “Ok, if that’s what you want.”  But then say that she knows and you know that you will just do it again – no matter how hard you try.  Ask her if she wants to know when you look at porn the next time.  Then say, “I need you to drain my balls, right now, let’s have sex.”

She will try to get you to get “help” from “mindfulness” or “porn addiction”  snake oil “experts” like Gary Wilson.   This is your line in the sand.  Tell her these guys are doing just as much porn as anyone else and they are not experts and do not have a cure.  And then drop it and return to telling her how sexy she is.  “Let’s have sex.”

Now, you used a porn actresses name on purpose.  That name is going to drive her nuts.  SHE IS GOING TO LOOK THAT NAME UP AND WATCH IT. I hope that you didn’t use a name of someone you actually liked, because even after you win the day THAT actress is going to be off the table.  You won’t be able to watch anything with her in it ever again.  Ok, yes, I may have made that mistake.

So this argument is going to go on for weeks and months.  Hold the line without getting mad.  Your line is that God made you like this. You like looking at naked women.  You are a man and isn’t she glad of that.  And (the ultimate argument terminator) she is turning you on by talking about sex this way, “Let’s have sex.”

Watch out, don’t use psych labels on others to behave badly yourself

A woman describes her sad story of being married to a narcissist

My heart goes out to her.  I am a psychiatrist who deals with narcissists on a regular basis and they are very, very difficult people.

But I am also a little wary.  People getting divorced almost always discover that their spouse had a personality disorder.

So, I want to give a word of warning to ladies reading this. Don’t be quick to make a psych diagnosis of your husband. Personality disorder diagnoses are easily given and often wrong – even by experts. They are also used as justification for mistreatment.

For example, a woman who struggles with Borderline Personality traits could write everything in the article and believe it all to be true, when the fact might be that she is the one with the personality disorder traits and is projecting her poor coping skills onto him.

In fact, every Borderline woman (and that is hundreds) that I have treated has told almost exactly this story – including the “Emotional Abuse” part.

NOTE: I AM NOT CLAIMING THAT THE AUTHOR IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.

I am saying that before you use the popular label “narcissist” to justify leaving your husband, consider the possibility that you may be the one in need of cognitive behavior modification

Remember When Interracial Marriage Was Forbidden By God

30 years ago today in Loving v Virginia, the Supreme Court ended bans on interracial marriage.

Do you remember how “Evil” black/white marriages used to be?  I am ashamed to say that I used to have some racist friends.  I told one of them, one time, that there was nothing wrong with it.  He blew up.  “It is Worse than Adultery”  No Christian could marry a (N-word).  God would bar the gates of heaven against such abominations.  They even had Bible to back them – Cain’s Mark, Ham’s curse, etc.

We now know that people didn’t get these opinions from the Bible, but from their traditions.  The Bible is very explicitly Anti-Racist and Anti-Sexist (“With God there is neither Greek nor Jew, Male nor Female” – Galations)

But people use the Bible to back up their opinions, not vice-versa.

So also the modern opinion of porn is not from the Bible, but from Victorian tradition.  It would be foreign to the writers or readers of either the Old or New Testaments.

Loose Lips (and Language) Sink Ships, Countries, and Marriages

So many people are saying that we are in a “Civil War” in the United States.   NO WE AREN’T and if we were then that would be terrifying and we ought to do everything in our power to make peace.

At Shiloh – just one battle of the Civil War – there were over 23 THOUSAND casualties.  That’s 9/11 times 7.  Come on, folks.  Let’s tighten up our language a bit before we start a LITERAL war.

Similarly, I wish my anti-Porn Christian friends would tighten up their language about “Addiction”  You don’t just toss around words like that loosely.  Porn is rarely an “Addiction”.   Addictions cost people their lives. I deal with Addicts every day.  They have lost everything with DUI’s, they stole from the Mothers, they couldn’t stop themselves even when it meant jail and even after and while they were IN jail.    Binge Eating disorder (food addiction) turns people in to thousand pound invalids inhaling whole bags of chips.

The only reason that porn causes breakups is because these “PornAddict” and “YourBrainOnPorn” advocates are telling women to break up with their husbands because of his “Addiction”.  If these frauds had left the family alone, then they would be close, intimate, and be having hot sex until they died.

Loose lips sink ships, and countries, and marriages.

Tighten up your language people.

The War On Naked Women

Church lady hates naked women
Put your clothes on girl

Rush Limbaugh’s undeniable truth of life says that feminism was created in order to give ugly women access to the mainstream.

I think that it’s not just the Feminists, but the church ladies also.  Not because they are ugly, but because they all THINK that they are ugly and every other woman is prettier.  They feel this way because they have been taught to uglify themselves in the name of Christ.

How else can you explain why churches hate erotic women so much when the Bible clearly likes them.  Solomon REALLY liked them.  David certainly enjoyed his housetop view.  Neither of these men were rebuked for the erotic thoughts, but for the action of stealing what was not theirs.  In fact, God approved of David’s sexual appetite. (II Sam 12:8)

Let me be clear, God is against fornication, adultery, prostitution, pimping, etc.  But he is not just neutral toward erotica, he actively promoted it.  The church ought to have the hottest women around.  The church ought to be filled with slavering men, waiting to marry one of these hotties.

The Freedom of Christ

Freedom from anti-erotica ordinances

Col 3:20 Wherefore if ye be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances,  (Touch not; taste not; handle not;  Which all are to perish with the using;) after the commandments and doctrines of men? Which things have indeed a shew of wisdom in will worship, and humility, and neglecting of the body; not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh.

The evangelical world is so consumed with making new commandments to destroy masculinity, that they cannot seem to concentrate on preaching things like the gospel of Jesus.

The commandment to not look at erotica, read about sex , or enjoy nude women comes from men and not from God.  The Bible is full of positive descriptions of sex and nude women.  Nudity was common in the ancient world.  Christians were nude in public when they were baptized.  Peter was nude when he worked.  The ladies that Paul preached to at the river were naked while they washed their clothes (poor people didn’t have multiple sets of clothing). Slaves were naked and “ashamed” of their nudity not because of sexual modesty but simply for their poverty.  No one had a problem with this hatred of sex.

The early church preached strongly again fornication.  Jesus and the disciples expected men to be faithful in their actions and in their minds.  Christian men didn’t seek opportunities (or desire to seek opportunities) to cheat.  But neither were they expected to never think about sex or look at the abundant erotic art that surrounded them.  The rich people were not commanded to strip the erotic murals from their houses.  (Check out the pictures from the ruins of Pompeii)

Seek those things which are above.  Stop  digging around to find something holy and natural with which to condemn your brethren.

Porn has no escape because it isn’t a temptation

Porn has no escape because it isn't a temptaion
Where is the way of escape for Porn

Undeniable fact of life – All Christian men have used porn.  Most of these men also felt guilty about it and tried to resist the “temptation.”

Where was the way of escape. (I Cor. 10:13)

Oh, yes, I know, good Christian men sin all of the time.  But if the Bible is true, then SOME Christian men should be able to resist at least MOST of the time.  But this is not the case.

Maybe the reason that there is no way of escape is because there is no temptation.  God won’t help you to overcome a temptation to violate the commandments of MEN.

#Mindfulness answer to #PornAddiction? This Psychiatrist says “NO”

Addiction is not a mood disorder
Mindfullness doesn’t cure addiction

The snake-oil salesmen of the “Christian” world are trying to cure men’s “Porn Addiction” with “Mindfulness”

No, No, No.

What is going on is a deceitful set of profit-seeking frauds (like Mark Wilson ) are attempting to latch onto the newest buzzwords (#Mindfulness, #Addiction, #Porn, and #PornAddiction) to make a buck off of sincere people who just want to serve God and live a good life.

Mindfulness is a technique of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that seeks to help people overcome mood disorders.  These Mindfulness Based Therapy (MBT) techniques have been proven to be particularly effective in Borderline Personality Disorder , Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), they can also have some effectiveness in depressive disorders.

The only way that MBT techniques work for addiction is by reducing the depression and mood disorders that underlie the addiction.

In other words, addicts use drugs, or gambling, or food or …whatever… in order to make themselves feel better when they are anxious or depressed.  So if they are BOTH depressed and addicted, the MBT will help with the depression and so also help with the addiction.

This study shows how this works

But Mindfulness is NOT USEFUL TO CURE ADDICTION by itself.

Let me explain why.  MBT teaches the patient to pay attention to the PRESENT state of his own mind and correct his beliefs and attitudes about that state of mind.

For example, in panic disorder, the patient experiences frequent periods of horrifying panic.  Their heart races, they sweat, they believe they are going to die.   Mindfulness teaches them to say, “I am now entering a state called panic.  I feel like I am going to die, but this feeling is not true.  In a few minutes I am going to feel better, my heartbeat will return to normal and I will feel fine.”  In short, the fact that they are paying attention to their state of mind, instead of the fear, reduces the fear.

Now, let’s apply this to addiction.  The addict begins to experience withdrawals.  Mindfulness says, “I am now entering a state called withdrawal, my heart is racing, I am sweating, and I will continue feeling bad until I get a fix.”  Is this really going to work?  No.

The treatment for addiction is, in fact, the opposite.  The recovering addict must pay attention to the HOPE for the FUTURE, not the PRESENT.  “In a few months, in a few years, I am going to be a better person, I will be proud of myself, therefore I will put off the temptations of the PRESENT for the FUTURE hope.”

Now, let’s apply to this “Sex” or “Porn” addiction.  Firstly, it doesn’t exist.  Sex is self-limiting.  After having received the “fix” of an orgasm, the “addict” has a certain amount of recovery period.  If he/she then repeats the sexual experience it is less rewarding, etc.  Finally after 5, 6, 10, whatever successive experiences he no longer wishes to have sex for some longer period of time.   This is the OPPOSITE of addiction.

Well, you say, what about serial adulterers/ child molesters/rapists etc.  These are entirely different situations and they have little to do with “addiction.”  They are personality disorders.  They do not hit the same areas of the brain and have completely different treatments (for example, divorce, prison and the electric chair)

Finally, “Porn Addiction”.  Like “Sex Addiction” it doesn’t exist.  Oh yes, there are men who sit all day and do nothing but porn, but the reason that they are doing this is not because they can’t get away from it, but rather that they are depressed, anxious, or bored to tears.

Ok, so what about the guy who can’t stop using porn even though his wife is watching him like a prison guard and threatens to divorce him the next time she catches the browser history uncleared.

This guy is no more “addicted” to porn than a concentration camp survivor is addicted to food.   He is being imprisoned away from the Godly desires that God implanted in him.   Instead of cutting off his balls, he needs to grow some and instruct his wife in Godly doctrine.

What REAL experts say about #porn

In Moderation Porn is Healthy

Huge amounts of destructive guilt is imposed upon healthy sincere Christian men for normal, Godly behavior – looking at and reading erotica, and despite what Grandma said, masturbation will not grow hair on your palms or strike you blind.

The guilt is unnecessary.  There is nothing wrong with textual and visual erotica.

  • God, himself, told us that sex is healthy and part of normal married life.
  • Masturbation is healthy and part of every man’s and most women’s lives.
  • Reading and looking at erotica is healthy and part of every man and woman’s life.

God told us this by giving instructions about what to do after masturbating and married sex (exactly the same thing – take a bath) (Lev 15:16-18).

God wrote erotica in the Song of Solomon with explicit descriptions of the female and male bodies and many depictions of sex acts, including fellatio, cunnilingus, and masturbation.

Christians and Jews in the ancient world were surrounded by and often created visual art depicting the nude form and sex acts, and yet there is no instruction to avoid seeing OR OWNING any of these pieces of art.

Gary Wilson (@YourBrainOnPorn) is a fraud, not a doctor, not a psychologist, not an expert

NOT a doctor

Peter warned against men who “through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you”.  The newest form of this treachery is in the Christian “Mindfulness” counselors who want to get paid in order to “cure” sincere Christian men’s “Porn Addiction”

The number one guy out there pushing this “Your Brain On Porn” is Gary Wilson.  Who is this guy?  Is he a doctor?  A Psychologist? NO

https://www.reuniting.info/peace_between_the_sheets/about_author

He is “adjunct faculty at Southern Oregon University, he taught anatomy and physiology labs.”  In other words, he was a minor tech in the anatomy lab at a 3rd rate state university.  Any medical student in the country knows more than him.  He has never been trained on how to evaluate studies for quality, or how to form a Clinical Based Evidence (CBE) question.

When deciding to become the leading “expert” of “Your Brain On Porn” he didn’t even bother to go back to school and get a doctoral degree in neurology or Psychology or Psychiatry.  No, “Gary’s passion is neuroscience, and he spends many hours scanning the Web and integrating the latest discoveries.”

I spent over a decade of my life becoming a psychiatrist so that I could help individuals.  But Gary became an “expert” for millions of people by using Google.  He does no original research.  A search of the National Institutes of Health reveal he has never published a single peer-reviewed article

National Institutes of Health search

This man is a fraud who makes money off of the guilt he imposes of sincere Christian Men

 

#Pornography decreases crime.

I know it will rain on some people’s parade, but pornography does not increase sex crimes.  In fact the opposite is true

Porn Decreases Sex Crimes

A study published in 2010 in “Archives of Sexual Behavior” showed that when porn became available in the Czech republic after decades of being outlawed the incidence of sex crimes went DOWN not up.  This echoes the same trend found in other countries like Denmark and Japan

When you compress men’s natural desires to view sex, the resultant explosion is not good for them or anyone else

Scientists do not believe “Your Brain On Porn” nonsense

 

Follow this link to see the it proven – Nonsense

People with higher libidos look at more porn – Who knew.

The studies supposedly “proving” porn addiction did not do before and after studies.  They just looked at people who viewed more porn and compared them with people who viewed less.  They discovered that WOW, people who looked at porn more liked sex.

Duh.  And this is wondeful fact is supposed to cause Christians to make up a new sin why?

 

Forget facts, My mind is made up #PostTruth

Just read NRO’s Jonah Goldberg’s eagerly awaited “G-File” for the week.  (@JonahNRO).  Jonah is always fun to read because he has an almost Jane Austin ability to make a phrase both insightful and funny.

But it is a shame that I already knew what I was going to read.  Because Jonah, like everyone else in America, already have their (our) minds made up.  The hearing this week didn’t change anyone’s opinions.  We all just took out the parts that supported our pre-existing opinions and used them to support.  My twitter feed (@EdLongshank) has both liberals and conservatives (since porn is bipartisan 🙂 and no one said yesterday, “Eureka, If I had known this I would have had a different opinion”

On other subjects that I have debated – Porn (this blog), Young Earth Creationism/Evolution, Medical Herbal remedies, Vaccinations – I have rarely met anyone who actually cared about the evidence.  More likely the would take William Jennings Bryan position (“The people of Nebraska are for free silver, so I am for free silver, I will come up with the reasons later”)

This has not always been so.  There was a day when a man could say – “Every man thinks he is right on everything, but experience teaches him that he is wrong on some.  He knows not which” (I don’t remember the source of this quote).  But few men ever says that anymore.   I have changed my mind on every one of the controversial issues listed above, but I know of few others who have.

I used to think that people believed things because they thought that they were true – otherwise they would not “believe” them.  I said this to a young patient the other day and she looked confused.  In her world belief is not a matter of truth, but of choice.  If you choose to “believe” something that you don’t BELIEVE IS TRUTH, then evidence is meaningless.

This is why the president’s new meme “FAKE NEWS” doesn’t mean untrue facts, it means “statements that I don’t like”

I won’t get into who started this.  I noticed it first during the OJ Simpson trial and it got worse during the Clinton years, but it was probably around before then.

I hate to be all apocalyptic and say, “THE END IS NIGH” but I think that it may be.

A “Christian” lying in defense of his #WarOnPorn

The studies quoted by Gary Wilson do not support the conclusions that he comes to.  His dishonesty is sad because he likely believes his conclusion and believes that he is serving God by his falsehood.  But God doesn’t need a liar to win his battles.

His conclusion is that porn USE is equivalent to ADDICTION and makes addictive changes in the brain.  This is simply not true.

 

Let’s go through his studies.  He states that EVERY study supports his conclusions and NO study contradicts it.   Is this true?

No it is not.  He is lying about EVERY SINGLE STUDY.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/brain-scan-studies-porn-users


 

#1 Neuroscience of internet pornography addiction

Let’s see what this article says

It quotes the consensus of the Psychiatric research right now.

“Excessive use of the Internet not involving playing of online games (e.g., excessive use of social media, such as Facebook; viewing pornography online) is not considered analogous to Internet gaming disorder, and future research on other excessive uses of the Internet would need to follow similar guidelines as suggested herein.”

And then says that the newer studies indicate that Facebook, porn and other excessive uses could also be linked to Internet Gaming Disorder

In other words, this article is NOT stating that porn USE is addictive, but rather that porn CAN be addictive just as Internet Gaming, Facebook and twitter can be addictive.

The article specifically differentiates between HEALTHY men who view porn and UNHEALTHY men who are addicted.   It specifically compares it to other addictions like alcohol and gambling addiction.  That moderate use is NOT unhealthy.

He is lying about this study


 

#2 Sex Addiction as a Disease: Evidence for Assessment, Diagnosis, and Response to Critics (2015)

He states that this study takes on criticisms of Sex Addiction and debunks them.  And it does, but it does so in a way that he doesn’t want to admit

“Research on addictive behaviors, such as food addiction, gambling addition, and internet addiction, has continued to reveal that there are many common mechanisms. In fact, the brain reward circuitry exists to motivate people biologically to eat (food) and procreate (sex) to ensure individual and collective survival. ”

In other words, this article is stating that people CAN be addicted to sex just like they CAN be addicted to food, the internet, or gambling.  We don’t tell people that if they eat food then they are an addict, so also we shouldn’t tell me that if they see porn they will become an addict


#3 Neurobiology of Compulsive Sexual Behavior: Emerging Science (2016).

He quotes an article “proving” that some people have compulsive sexual behavior….. So what?  Immediately stop having sex or else!!!!!!!


I could go on, but the intellectual dishonesty is getting on my nerves.  I should hit one more, though.   The study mentioned in #1 that it “Critiques” is actually study #9.  Now, which is the one he wants us to pay attention to — #1 or #9.  I thought that all “agreed” and there was no study contradicting it.

Finally, the author is pulling the “Scientific Consensus” argument out of his bag.  Like the Global Warmists he tells the uneducated that we Scientists have decided and “The Science is Settled”  The problem with his statement is that these articles are arguing against one another and against the current consensus that Sex Addiction doesn’t exist.  If scientists are all in agreement, why are they critiquing one another’s studies.

I have seen a lot of Christians taking God’s name in vain by using his name to command us all to cease looking at erotica.  But this author changes his tactic and takes the name of Science in vain.  Maybe it’s not a sin, but it is more dishonest because everyone can read the Bible but only a few people can see his scientific lying.

Porn is not Addiction

NOT

Porn is no more an “addiction” than food, sugar, coffee or marital sex.  I say this not as a matter of opinion, but as a psychiatrist and a scientist.

 

People think “addicted” means anything that we use on a regular basis that is difficult or impossible to stop.   And, yes, by this definition porn is an addiction.  Christian men the world over have tried to resist this “tempation” and failed.  If you find a Christian who is declaring his victory, then you and he both know he isn’t victorious, he is just on hiatus.

But addiction requires something more than a need.  Because, as I said before, by this definition coffee, sugar, marital sex, food, and even sleep itself would be addiction.  Yes, there are people (for example diabetics) so addicted to sugar that they continue to use it despite the fact that it is literally killing them.

Addiction requires something else besides regular use, “Continued use DESPITE persistent or recurring social or interpersonal problems caused or made worse by use”

And here is where porn does not meet the definition for most men.  Oh yes, porn does cause difficulty in a marriage with a ball-busting woman raised in the modern feminized church.  But the problem, in that case, is not him, but her.  She is the one who is addicted to her self-righteousness that goes to women’s meetings where they discuss “intimacy issues” and get themselves aroused and then go home to a husband who does not have such a stimulus.  Instead, he goes to men’s meetings where his sexuality is attacked and insulted.  Where he is told to give up red meat and eat only gluten-free food and be a proper little eunuch.

In the normal course of of a healthy and Godly marriage, the man looks at porn 1 to 6 times each week, becomes aroused and makes love to his wife however many times each week that they find time and opportunity to do so.  It doesn’t cause a problem.  He is not unable to attend to his financial, career, or marital duties as a result of his porn use.

Therefore he is not addicted.

Now, I do have patients who look at porn and masturbate all day long, but this is rare and almost universally associated with mental retardation.  It can also be associated with extreme depression, but the problem goes away when you fix the depression.

I do find, however, any number of men who have driven themselves into a depression by the guilt placed upon their sexual behaviors, not by God, and not by the Bible, but rather by the men’s traditions or their church or their wife.

Why I couldn’t conquer my #PornAddiction

Watching Porn

For 40 years I tried to conquer my “Porn Addiction”  I would occasional confess all to my wife, other times sneak out to the magazine wrack. At times I made it whole months before falling back.

I finally realized why I couldn’t conquer it.  God won’t help you avoid that which he has created you to enjoy.

I am a psychiatrist and I deal with people’s addictions all of the time.  In order for something to be an addiction it has to have a significant negative effect on a person’s life.

But the fact is that the only negative effect porn has on a person’s life is the effect that is CREATED BY THE SHAME-ON-YOU attitude of OTHER PEOPLE.

Let me give an example.  Coffee and Sugar are “addictions” if you define them only as the brain having a certain dopamine reaction to their consumption.  If you imaged my brain, you would find that my wife is my “addiction” in the sense that I can’t stand not being with her, I would go into a severe withdrawal depression if she died.

When I married her, there was a lot of opposition from her family.  It caused a lot of difficulties between them.  But that did not make our love an “addiction” because the harm to our life was not from our love itself, but from other people’s reaction to it.

Similarly, when our Christian society gets over its unbiblical opposition to eroticism, then we will find out that porn is rarely an “addiction” at all.