How to prepare your wife for the porn conversation

Do you want a strong marriage. Don’t keep secrets, especially this secret

I recently heard a man who had been married for over 40 years talk about how he had to clear his internet browsing history to keep his wife from finding out that he looked at erotica.  When I asked why he didn’t tell her, he said, “Duh, because I don’t want her to leave me.”

Oh, come on, don’t give me that.  You’re telling me that a wife who has loved her husband and put up with his ups and downs for 4 decades is going to leave him, not because he STARTS to look at pictures of pretty girls, but because HE HAS BEEN ALL ALONG.    Why would she do that?

Secondly, are you going to tell me that she doesn’t already know?   Give me a break.  I’ve been married 30 years.  I can assure you that any attempt to keep any behavior, especially one that I regularly engage in, a secret from her is futile and foolish.  Guys, you know, and I know, and she knows everything that you regularly do.  A wife that has been with you that long can read you like police read license plates.

I am not suggesting that you blurt it out all at once, tonight.  First, she must get used to the idea that you and every other man she knows (including that suuuuuper spiritual pastor of hers) looks at porn all the time.

So here is how you make her face this obvious fact.  Every time you come across an article like this one that tells how many pastors, how many men, how many Christians watch porn you tell her about it and laugh.

“Look, honey, did you see that 57% of pastors admit that they watch porn on the sly.   I can’t believe that 43% would lie that way.”

She will act horrified at first.  “I don’t believe that all the pastors look at that trash.”

Then give her a knowing look.  “Yes, my darling, I hate to tell you this.  But they do.”

If she wants to pursue this then she will ask you directly.  “Are you saying that all men look at porn.”

Say, “Well, maybe girly men don’t look at naked women.  They look at men.”

Huff, Huff, “Have you?”

“Have I what?”

“Looked at porn.”

“Baby,” grab your crotch, “I got balls, I can prove it.”


“You are making me horny looking at my balls that way.  Let me show them to you naked.”

You get the idea.  Convince her that every man WITH BALLS looks at porn.  Don’t be afraid to use the “No true Scotsman.” fallacy.  This is one case where it actually works.

Now, the important thing to do here is stop discussing porn and start discussing your balls.  Make every discussion about porn turn on how masculine you are.  How much she likes sex with you.  How much she wants your RIGHT NOW.

Now, don’t be ashamed to watch HBO series like Game of Thrones with her.  When the sex scenes come up start touching your wife.  She will act angry and say, “DON’T YOU TOUCH ME AFTER LOOKING AT HER.”

You’re reply is, “I’m horny, let’s have sex.”

The key is to make associate erotica with masculinity, and particularly with YOUR masculinity.


This is key.  She may act like she is going to refuse you sex.  Hold you ground.  Masturbate when she can see you and know that you are jerking it.  If she gets mad, then ask her to have sex.

The fact is that she married a man.   BE A MAN!   Be the man that she wants.   Every time she asks the question “Do you watch porn.” You reply. “I’ve got balls.  I’m a man.”

If she tries to tell you that so-and-so is a man “Josh McDowell, James Dobson, your pastor” and “he doesn’t watch porn.”  Then answer, “Then how come he knows so much about it?”

Because we are men, we know that other men are looking at naked women.  Women know this to, but they try to stay in denial.  Take this denial away from them.  Make them face your masculinity.

Meanwhile, be sweet, be kind.  DO NOT YELL!

Did you hear me.  DO NOT YELL!

I repeat myself. DO NOT YELL!

If you yell, then you have lost the masculinity argument.  You have admitted that men can’t control themselves.  Porn will just be another example of how evil you are instead of how evidence of how masculine, sexy and desirable you are.

Don’t be like that poor little beat rooster who was still sneaking around after 40 years.

Be a man.  Run your house with holiness, Godliness, and honesty.