Sex and porn are not addictions because the treatment for “Sex Addiction” is not to quit sex.
There are two main reasons for people to call people’s sexual behavior an “addiction”. The first one is to excuse their own behavior. An example of this is this week’s Harvey Weinstein scandal. A man caught in predatory behavior declares that he is now seeking treatment for “sex addiction.”
But it is not just the predators of the world who are pushing this agenda. Most of it is by confused Christian leaders. I think that the reason they are pushing it is because they feel guilty about their erotic desire and are trying to subsume their desire in fighting against other people having sex. As I remember someone saying years ago (I don’t remember who) “Democrats view porn after they go to the store and buy it. Republican view it together in anti-porn group meetings.”
There are addictions in the world. Alcoholism, opoids, etc. I am a doctor and I drink alcohol. I have no problem with occasional moderate use. But when I have a patient who is an alcoholic I tell them that they have to quit drinking. I have occasionally, in order to get free parking downtown, gambled enough to get a card at the casino’s. But I tell gambling addicts that they must not go near the place on any condition.
But there are several behaviors that are often over indulged in that are not addictions. Overeating is not an addiction. Sleep is not an addiction. Running is not an addiction. Work is not an addiction. Vacation is not an addiction. The cure is not to stop eating, stop sleeping, stop exercising, stop working or never go on vacation.
But the hidden agenda of the anti-porn people is, let’s face it, to stop having sex. Do an image search on Google for “quit sex” and this is what you get.
And dozen’s more like it.
Oh yes, they tell you that sex is supposed to be holy in marriage, but if you read deeper, almost all of these people start making even more rules. You will find that they often end up in marriages with no sex at all. You will find that they are usually divorced.
Give up your own ways and start doing things God’s way. Rejoice in your sexuality. Watch some beautiful girls screw around, jack off with joy and let your spiritual energies be used in helping others.
Ok, I will confess up front. I’m actually discussing whether porn is addictive, but I am coming about it the long way.
Dr. David Ley, a clinical psychologist, recently treated a young christian man of 18 who was “addicted to masturbation.” He masturbated once a week.
(I wonder if he ever splurged and did it twice?)
I had hoped that the Christian world has gotten past the churches trying to destroy their young men this way, but I’m afraid not. I know that in my day the church made us feel terrible. I know of one young man in the late ’70’s who would come home to his parents after making out with his girlfriend on her front porch (a girl he married the next year – the baby was born 8 months later). He would have them get up and pray with him to overcome temptation. He was being tempted to relieve his blue balls using “Mother Thumb and her 4 sisters.”
No one thought to complement this virtuous young man on his restraint. No one told him to possibly relieve some of his tension and maybe help him limit his explorations with his girl. No, his parents continued to instruct him to “overcome his flesh.” The resulting baby was very beautiful and has grown into a very wonderful and Godly young man.
Few churches teach against masturbation anymore. But I have a question. What is the upper limit for “holy” masturbation in a day? Is there a limit? Once a week? Twice a week? Once a day? Can he splurge and go twice Ok, you don’t want to put a number on it, but let’s see how many times you think is unreasonable. Three times a day? Four? Five?
I am a psychiatrist. I have treated manic people who were hypersexual. They masturbated until they raised blisters on their penis.
But my point still holds even for them. There is a biological limit on how much a person can masturbate. After a while it just ain’t no more fun. You can “edge” as long as you want but eventually you are going to bust a nut. And there is just so many times you can do that till it gets boring. Ok, so let’s admit that some men can spend a whole day thinking about sex and playing with themselves. Can they spend EVERY day this way?
No they can’t. This isn’t “Call of Duty” Eventually it just gets boring.
MASTURBATION IS NOT AND ADDICTION BECAUSE IT DOESN’T INCREASE
One of the most important parts of “Addiction” is tolerance. Yesterday 4 norcos made you feel good. Today you need 6. Tomorrow you want 8. Eventually you need so many to feel good that you take enough to stop your breathing and you die.
But masturbation isn’t like that. The first squirt of the young man’s week produces a quarter cup. The next a table spoon. After while a few drops come out and the resulting orgasm is merely “ok”. In order to get that first body-shaking seizure-inducing feeling again he is going to have to
So masturbation is not addictive. The sad young man above who believed he was “addicted” to masturbation had simply not choked the chicken to death.
Let’s talk about masturbation some more (please!)
Today, of course, most churches know that masturbation is a normal and healthy part of growing up. Even Focus on the Family has waved the white flag on this issue. But for some reason they still want their young men to carry a load of guilt. James Dobson instructs boys that they can jerk it as long as they don’t “lust” at the same time. In other words, it should be a purely physical act – kind of like scratching an itch. No imagination of females should play on the back of closed eyelids.
Amazingly, he is supposed to instantly change his attitude on the night of his marriage. Suddenly, sex must not be merely scratching an itch, but must be rather be a holy act that is almost entirely about the female.
But let’s be real. No boy jacks off without imagination. (If a female reading this thinks that this is not true, ask a man). So all boys imagine sex while doing “hand to gland combat.”
And – let’s be even more real – today those boys are not simply imagining it on the back of their eyelids. They are watching porn.
Now let me ask you. Do they watch porn and NOT jerkoff?
No they do not. Watching porn and jacking off for the male species is synonymous. Watching porn without jacking the beanstalk is boooooooring.
So, I ask you. How much porn can a young man watch?
Do I need to go through this again? Obviously porn – like masturbation – is self-limiting. The more you see the less you need to see. You need a “cooling off period” (or maybe that is a “storing some up” period) before you want to do it again.
Now, some of you may be saying – what about James Dobson’s interview with Ted Bundy the serial killer? Bundy told Dobson that regular porn got boring so he had to watch more perverted porn, then more perverted until eventually he had to sexually slaughter people in order to feel good.
Ted Bundy was a sociopath who was conning a gullible mark in order to possible get a pardon from President George HW Bush. This was nonsense. He was not led to mass murder by porn. Sociopaths are created at a very young age – usually by extreme neglect and abuse. Certainly this was true of Bundy’s childhood.
Ask yourself – those of you who have watched porn (that would be EVERY ONE OF YOU MEN) Did you really find it so boring that you had to watch bestiality in order to shoot your wad? When you did see the extreme stuff did it really turn you on or did it repel you. Come on, be honest.
The “escalating nature of porn” is a stupid myth. No one ever experienced it himself, he just projected his fears onto other men.
Let me (finally) make my point.
Porn is not an addiction because it does not meet the minimum requirement of addiction – an increasing need with decreasing reward.
Christian men of a certain age were warned against masturbation by our mothers. One day you and her were in the kitchen and no one else was around,
“You don’t ah… play with yourself,” she whispered.
“No, Mom, no. Of course not.”
She nodded and accepted your answer. She never bothered to ask how you knew exactly what she was talking about. You were consumed with guilt for months and years. Not only did you commit that terrible sin of jerking off, you compounded it by LYING and we all knew that ALL LIARS HAVE THEIR PLACE IN THE LAKE OF FIRE.
You couldn’t even repent of your sin, because you knew that then you would have to confess to your mother that you had lied. The sermons were universally agreed on this.
Did any of you actually go and confess to your mother? I did. She turned white and went and talked to Daddy. He then had to have a “talk” with me. Now, of course, I know that his talk was done tongue-in-cheek. He was just doing it to please Mom. He, along with all of the Christian men of his generation, had taken as an article of faith that the thing that they had all done for years was sinful. That’s why so few of them actually went to church. We were raised in a church full of women. Even though the churches now agree that boys can masturbate (as long as they don’t “lust” while they are doing it) The churches are still full of mostly women, because the church has failed to come to grips with the single simple fact that erotic arousal IS NOT LUST.
So choke your chicken, flog the one-eyed monster, jack the beanstalk, burp the worm. Enjoy your God-given ability to experience the joys of sex. It is a God-intended pleasure.
Job 36:11 If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures.
Psalms 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
Psalms 36:8 They shall be abundantly satisfied with the fatness of thy house; and thou shalt make them drink of the river of thy pleasures.
So you’re a sincere Christian man and you have looked at porn your entire life. You feel terribly guilty about this. Your prayers are hindered as a result. All of the “Men’s retreats” at your church concentrate on one subject and one subject only – “Pornography Addiction”. You have tried giving it up multiple times. You confessed to your pastor and got an “accountability partner.” After the first couple of times you stopped telling him how you have “fallen” again. Maybe you even lost him as a friend as a result.
You feel all alone, because your church has placed you on a merry-go-round of eternal guilt. After decades of trying to beat your “porn addiction” you sense that you will always watch it. Maybe you even dropped out of church, since you knew that you must not be a Christian. Christians should be able to overcome at least one addiction!
You have fallen prey to the modern Pharisees. You have been duped into a falsehood. There is no command in the Bible telling you to avoid erotic stories or images. In fact, the opposite is true. The Bible is full of erotica. It describes and treats masturbation just like it treats sex, pregnancy, and menstruation – as normal parts of a holy life. The command to avoid pornography is man’s tradition, not God’s command and certainly not Bible.
Here are the links proving that you are a good Christian with whom God is well-pleased.
To many Christian counselors (who rarely bother to actually go get some training) are like the drunk looking for a quarter under the streetlamp. They know only one “fact” (an untruth) that this man’s “sin” is addiction. They don’t bother to find out what is going on in his marriage.
Yes, he doesn’t want sex with his wife because he is jacking off so much, but the question isn’t why he likes porn more than his wife, but what is his problem with his wife. Anyone can hold off porn for 2 days until he is randy and ready for sex with his wife. He is not willing to do so. Why? This is a problem that should be addressed with his doctor.
People don’t realize that we doctors spent over a decade in training for a reason – if everything could be solved by a google search we would all be nurse practitioners.
The greek word “pornio” is interpreted as fornication and can be more loosely translated as simply “sinful sex”. The greek word “eros” refers to sexual arousal. “-graphy” is, simply, writing or printing. So, technically, the difference between erotica is anything that increases sexual desire and pornography is the writing or printing of representations of sinful sex. Pornography, then, is erotica that is about sinful sex. So, by a strict Bible interpretation, pornography would include any depiction of a sex act with 2 or more people that were not married, but any act between married persons would NOT be pornography and would simply be erotica. Meanwhile, depictions of masturbation (which everyone agrees – I hope – is not sinful and does not cause hairy palms or blindness) would also not be porn.
This, of course, is not the definition that anyone in the rest of the world would agree with. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart famously proclaimed that he didn’t know what porn as opposed to erotica was but, “I know it when I see it.” In popular use, erotica is considered sexual depictions that can proclaim to be art, while porn is low-budget erotica. So, Andres Serrano’s “Piss Christ” is erotica, but Playboy TV’s “Adult Film School” in which (most often) married couples make a sex tape is considered porn.
The false dichotomy is silly. The artsy world of elitist high art is not known for being particularly less sinful than Hugh Hefner. Therefore, for the purposes of this facebook group, I will use the words interchangeably. We will probably want to have a discussion about whether depictions of sex between unmarried persons is sinful while depictions sex between married couples is allowed. In that case I will simply use the term married couple porn and porn with unmarried people.