Catholics, masturbation, and porn

Ok, let me say, straight off, that I am not an expert on Catholicism.  I am an expert on the human condition and I know the Bible thoroughly, however, I easily get lost in the Jesuitan toils of Vatican II, the magisteriam, and the different Veritas pronouncements of John Paul II.    So if anyone can help me out and correct any misunderstanding’s on  my part, please comment.

I am indebted to the really good Wikipedia article on this subject

 

But, unlike most evangelicals, I will avoid the cheap shots about priests and their sex life.

There are, as far as I can tell, two huge differences between Catholics and Protestants when it comes to sex.  The first is that Protestants can only preach against things that the Bible says, while Catholics use logic and philosophy.   So, the Bible is silent – in fact it is conspicuously silent about masturbation even in places where it is being explicit about other sins that are closely related.   So, protestants have been more reticent to rail against it as a great sin.

The second difference is the “purpose of sex.”    To a Catholic, the purpose of sex is reproduction – having babies.   To have sex when not trying to make babies is, by definition, to be fulfilling lust.

To a Protestant, sex is about intimacy with having babies a close second (or maybe the other way around, anyway, intimacy is way, way up there).  The married couple has sex even when using birth control because the closeness and intimacy of the marriage, itself, is the good being sought.

Therefore, to the Catholic church, any sexual behavior, at all, that does not have a possibility of producing children is lustful.

I had a widower friend who was almost 80 years old.  He married a widow who was a long-time friend and also of advanced age.  This was during the gay marriage debate.  Someone asked the gentleman if this marriage was intended to produce children.  He replied, “Well, brother, I plan to do my part.”

So, by nature, the Catholic position on masturbation is uncompromising.  Even a married couple cannot masturbate together or each other if they are doing so for the purpose of birth control.

Monty Python does a great job of mocking this position in their skit “Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great, if a sperm is wasted, God gets so irate.”  They immediately mock the protestants also, so it is equal opportunity satire.

But there is one area where the Catholics are absolutely an improvement on Protestants: the Artistic Nude.  The Catholic church is not ashamed to show the Virgin Mary’s breast.  They are not afraid to show the naked human form in the Sistine Chapel or anywhere else.  They are not ashamed of the statue of David.

So, having understood the Catholic position that masturbation is a (at least venial) sin, what do I say to my Catholic friends about jacking it to porn.

I’m afraid I’m going to have to say that this is just where the sainted John Paul and I disagree.   The church has done extreme harm to itself and to its members by treating sex as if it were lustful.   This insistence on an unnatural abstinence has caused a lot of problems through the years.  I promised I wouldn’t bring up the priest scandals and I won’t take any cheap shots, but demanding that people become asexual is simply asking for these sorts of problems.   When you demand that a married couple not have sex so much of the time, are you surprised when Catholic men have affairs?

Let me propose an alternate philosophy.  Sex is given by God in order to produce and protect children.  In order to protect that children that are produced, God wanted to make a strong partnership and marriage.  So he made men different from the animals.  A dog only mates during the female’s fertile time, but humans wish to have sex all month long.  This is not sinful, but rather part of God’s plan.   Married couples who are having frequent sex (preferably multiple times a day) are better able to partner together for the protection and encouragement of their children and even their grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Masturbation, mutual and solo, is a natural part of the constant sexual desire.  Some theologians have made the point that solo masturbation is selfish and causes the participant to lose his desire for a closer relationship with his current or future partner.  But this is simply not so.  The more sex a person has, the more they want to have.   Jerking it to porn does not cause a man to want women less, but rather to want them more.  Sex actions produce more sexual desire and vica-versa.

If Catholic men and women were taught that erotica and masturbation were normal, holy, and desirable, then I believe that their marriages would be strengthened.  Another benefit would be that the children would see that their parents were living according to the Church’s teaching and not hypocritically.

More discussion of Rick Warren’s wife’s confession

Several months ago, I linked to an article about Rick Warren’s wife’s confession that she had looked at porn.   I also commented upon the article at the Catholic site that wrote it.

I recently got this reply.

Your link refers to 1 Tim 4. However, 1 Tim 4 warns against those whose cheapen marriage, and that warning seems to me about you as well. Because pornography how it made, who makes it, and how its treats sex, in OUR CULTURE has no redeeming features. Therefore pornography in our culture must be rejected in every way.

Also in the same passages, Paul preaches for ‘purity’. It can only refer to sexual purity.

I also don’t see how Warren’s experience cheapens what you are trying to do. That is a straw man argument. I agree with you that erotica is a very good thing, but I also believe the teachings of the Catholic Church that masturbation is a sin– with the same questioning as Peter who asked. ‘then how can anyone be saved?’. When Paul refers to thanksgiving, he is referring the the Catholic view, he is not in any way supporting porn that was very prevalent in the Roman culture.

I agree that some of your reflections are warranted in that it reflect the view in Protestantism that regards sex as fundamentally dirty. This comes from Luther’s teaching that the physical world is fundamentally corrupted, versus the Cathol ic teaching that matter is good but our relationship to it is tarnished but re-storable, healed by santifying grace (also rejected by Luther).

My site is mainly about evangelical opposition to erotica.  As this writer makes clear, Catholicism teaches even against masturbation.  Now if a man can’t rub one out, then he obviously shouldn’t be looking at porn.  Masturbation and erotica are closely linked.  I talk about this here.

He has two points.

  1. Porn cheapens marriage because of the evilness of the porn industry

This is currently true.  The porn industry considers itself sinful and it treats women as objects to be used and discarded.  Even though at HolyErotica.com I attempt to only import high quality romantic couples erotica, I often link to videos produced by SinfulXXX and LustHD .   What is so strange about these videos is that they are not displaying things that are sinful or lustful.  A couple is perfectly can engage in perfectly holy sex without it being lust.  It is probably true that the couple portrayed are not married or even in a committed relationship, there is nothing about the act or the erotica, itself, that is sinful or lustful.

The problem is that Christians have, in recent decades, turned sex over to the sinners.  This is wrong.  Sex was created by God and is wonderful, holy, and lovely.    Naked women are beautiful and were created by God in his own image (not that God is a woman.  The explanation of this is left as an exercise for the reader).    Erotica should have been – as it was by Solomon and as the Renaissance artists  – done by and about Christians and holy people about holy sex and nudity.  See here, and here, and here.

I remember when I was taking my High School senior picture I saw in the artist’s studio a picture of a nude pregnant wife.  I was horrified and embarrassed.    How could a woman allow herself to be displayed to the public that way?   You see, I had been convinced that nudity was sinful.  I had fallen for the sinful pornographer’s trick.

There is a wonderful post about this by a catholic at patheos.com

2) Masturbation is a sin and so therefore porn is evil.

For a faithful Catholic, I suppose, this is an easy one.  The pope says masturbation is wrong.  We are done.  But, maybe it isn’t quite so simple.  It is, after all, only a venial sin.  A trip to confession and a few Hail Mary’s and all is well.

But for those of us who don’t have to take the Pope’s word for it, the subject isn’t that difficult.  Presumably the New Testament writers (who were all men) knew how to jerk it.    In all of their very specific lists of sins. (Adultery, fornication, lasciviousness…murder, drunkeness…)  they never seem to get around to “wanking.”

“Well they don’t mention smoking either.”  Really?  Is that your argument.  Smoking is new and the biblical authors had never heard of it, but I am confident that Cain and Able knew all about playing with their little peters.  The Bible has time to forbid sex with your aunt, with your cousin, with your step-mother, but never mentions sex with yourself.

Actually it does mention it.

Leviticus 15:16 And if any man’s seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the even.
17 And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even.
18 The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water, and be unclean until the even.

In other words, sex with your wife and masturbation with yourself are mentioned in the same passage, and the same instruction is given for both circumstances.  Take a bath!

 

What a holy and erotic marriage (with porn) is like

Yes,  sex multiple times a day is normal for long-term marriages

According to the “Good Man Project

The majority of couples I’ve interviewed that have been married for greater than five years will have sexual intercourse at the rate of 4 to 12 times per month.

Horse-hockey.  No, I don’t mean that this doctor is incorrect in his assessment.  I mean, that it is horse-hockey that this is normal.  No, it isn’t.   It is also normal for people to have affairs after being married for 5 years.  If they are only have sex 2 to 3 a week, then I would consider an affair inevitable.

I have been married for over three decades.  That statistic should be closer to 2 to 3 times each day.   I mean, there is the “going to sleep” sex, the “morning wood”sex and they “middle of the night in our sleep” sex, besides the afternoon “came home early from work and got horny” sex.    Besides that, you’ve got the living room sex and the kitchen sex.  How do people fit all of that into just 12 times in a month?

Why do married people stop having so much sex?  I’m not sure, but the “being together five years” statement makes me suspicious.  It sounds like the couple are getting bored and stop using stimuli that are related to each other.    I am absolutely confident that men who are only having sex with their wives 4 times a month are masturbating to porn much, much, more commonly than that.

If a man is actually a good man who has taken the appropriate masculine role in his family, then he can change this by bringing his wife in on his sexual habits.  Marriage is about shared sex.

If you don’t know how to do this, then you have to start by getting your wife to accept that you watch porn.  Here is my article about that.

How to tell your wife you watch porn

So, once you have helped your wife understand that erotica is a normal and important part of a holy man’s wife.  You can simply start watching it in front of her.   If she has been raised in the feminized anti-sex church, then she will know that she is supposed to be mad about this.  Weather the storm; be a man.   Offer to have sex with her right then.  If she refuses, rub one out in front of her.

Remember, she is not actually angry on her own behalf.  She is angry because she has been told that she is supposed to be angry.   This is what the other women are telling her she is supposed to do.

Tell her this.   Explain to her, repeatedly, that you are and have been a faithful husband.  You are a godly man who loves her.  You don’t want to have sex with other women and you will not have sex with other women.  Tell her that God and the Bible are on your side. She has the opinions of her girlfriends.  Which one is supreme in your home?  Refer her to the other articles on this this website if she wants to argue about it.

This is not going to be easy.  This is going to take some time.  Probably months.  By kind, be understanding, be loving.  Don’t yell, don’t raise your voice.  BUT DO NOT GIVE IN ON THIS.  You are fighting for the long-term health of your family.

Eventually, your wife is going to make love to you while porn plays in the background.  She will start having more orgasms because, the real fact of ths matter is, it is going to turn her on.  (It is important to use only holy erotica for this. Female-friendly, romantic.    You can find it gathered at HolyErotica.com so you don’t have to go browsing to find it.

This should not be something you do a couple times a week.  Wake up each morning getting wood from erotic pictures.  Go to bed each night after screwing like rabbits while watching erotica.

Eventually, the erotica will be less necessary.  She’ll be jumping your bones in the shower, in the living room.  You will wake up at night to her frigging your leg.

That, my friends, is what a holy marriage looks like.

Porn, Masturbation, Sex, and Intimacy

Intimacy is necessary in life

I have received several feedback questions and comments about masturbation and loneliness.  None of these were from the puritanical crowd.  So I want to address an issue that some readers may find useful.

I believe that masturbation erotic videos/stories/pictures should be a part of a persons sexual life.  In fact, I go further and say that it ALREADY is a part of almost every man’s sexual experience and most women’s.  A problem occurs when there part of the universal sexual experience is considered shameful.

According to the psychologist Erickson, there are several stages of life that are not only universal, but necessary for psychological health.  A baby learns  “Trust vs Mistrust.”   A toddler learns “Autonomy versus Shame.”  A pre-school child learns “Initiative vs Guilt.”  An elementary child learns “Industry versus  Inferiority” and a teen learns “Identity versus Role Confusion”

It is in this “Identity” phase of growth that healthy, mature, and normal masturbation begins and, usually, erotic art is encountered.   When the teen boy encounters erotic material he discovers that he has a certain feeling about girls.  Thoughts of girls make him hard.  Girls in bikinis give him wood.  Girls in tight jeans make his jeans tight.  Thoughts about sex with girls make him cream  his underwear when he is asleep.   Eventually, he discovers that by touching himself he does not have to wait for an erotic dream.  He seeks out erotic material for masturbatory help.

This is normal and healthy.  But, and this is important, this is not the end of his sexual development.  In order to grow into a healthy adult, he must step into Erickson’s next stage “Intimacy versus Isolation”.  He must learn to share this sexual life with another person.  This proceeds in steps.  He first learns how to kiss girls, date girls, treat girls with respect.  He begins to learn that it is not enough to kiss a bunch of girls, but that this experience is best if it is shared with a single, special girl.    The search for a single, special girl with whom he wishes to be completely open with, to hide nothing, to bare his soul as well as his entire body.  To be truly naked, body and soul.  Is frightening and dangerous.  Many mistakes are made.     This search can consume only a few months of high school, or it may consume the next decade of his life.  This is the way it worked for me.  I spotted my soul mate at age 24 and married her 11 weeks later.  We are still together 3 decades later and will be separated only by death.

This new “Intimacy” stage is a universal NEED.  If a man misses out on it, he cannot be whole, he cannot be truly healthy.

Ok, that is not entirely true.  According to Jesus (who never married) it is possible to be a “Eunuch”

Matt 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

These men are called specially by God for some reason that only they know.  However, this I know.  Such a man is a EUNUCH.  That is, he does not desire or want sex at all.  He will not be drawn to porn.   This is fairly rare and if someone is like this and wishes to talk about it with me, then he can hit the “Reply ” or “Contact Us” button.

Now, for the rest of us.   It is a mistake for a young man to get caught in the “Identity” phase of life, when he is just discovering his sexual self, and never step on to the “Intimacy” side of life.

Porn allows a man to delay his development into an intimate person.  This is fine.  In our society a man becomes sexual at least a decade or more before he is ready to be a husband and father.  But it is a mistake for any man to think that he can not ever step into the intimacy of an adult.

Porn has a place in an adult, intimate, man’s life.  It allows him to maintain his sexual desire for his one woman by maintaining a health fantasy life.   But it becomes a problem when it becomes a substitute for intimacy.  The man will end up feeling lonely, isolated, and cut off from humanity.  The result of this are depression and despair.

Why don’t we tell sex addicts to quit sex

Porn is not an addiction
Is the real purpose of the anti-porn crusaders anti-sex?

Sex and porn are not addictions because the treatment for “Sex Addiction” is not to quit sex.

There are two main reasons for people to call people’s sexual behavior an “addiction”.  The first one is to excuse their own behavior.  An example of this is this week’s Harvey Weinstein scandal.  A man caught in predatory behavior declares that he is now seeking treatment for “sex addiction.”

But it is not just the predators of the world who are pushing this agenda.  Most of it is by confused Christian leaders.  I think that the reason they are pushing it is because they feel guilty about their erotic desire and are trying to subsume their desire in fighting against other people having sex.   As I remember someone saying years ago (I don’t remember who) “Democrats view porn after they go to the store and buy it.  Republican view it together in anti-porn group meetings.”

There are addictions in the world.  Alcoholism, opoids, etc.  I am a doctor and I drink alcohol.  I have no problem with occasional moderate use.  But when I have a patient who is an alcoholic I tell them that they have to quit drinking.  I have occasionally, in order to get free parking downtown, gambled enough to get a card at the casino’s.  But I tell gambling addicts that they must not go near the place on any condition.

But there are several behaviors that are often over indulged in that are not addictions.  Overeating is not an addiction. Sleep is not an addiction.  Running is not an addiction.  Work is not an addiction.  Vacation is not an addiction.  The cure is not to stop eating, stop sleeping, stop exercising, stop working or never go on vacation.

But the hidden agenda of the anti-porn people is, let’s face it, to stop having sex.   Do an image search on Google for “quit sex” and this is what you get.

 

Image result for "quit sex"

And dozen’s more like it.

Oh yes, they tell you that sex is supposed to be holy in marriage, but if you read deeper, almost all of these people start making even more rules.  You will find that they often end up in marriages with no sex at all.  You will find that they are usually divorced.

Give up your own ways and start doing things God’s way.  Rejoice in your sexuality.  Watch some beautiful girls screw around, jack off with joy and let your spiritual energies be used in helping others.

How often should christian boys masturbate?

Masturbation frequency
Should you limit your right arm exercise?

Ok, I will confess up front.  I’m actually discussing whether porn is addictive, but I am coming about it the long way.

Dr. David Ley, a clinical psychologist, recently treated a young christian man of 18 who was “addicted to masturbation.”   He masturbated once a week.

(I wonder if he ever splurged and did it twice?)

I had hoped that the Christian world has gotten past the churches trying to destroy their young men this way, but I’m afraid not.  I know that in my day the church made us feel terrible.  I know of one young man in the late ’70’s who would come home to his parents after making out with his girlfriend on her front porch (a girl he married the next year – the baby was born 8 months later).  He would have them get up and pray with him to overcome temptation.  He was being tempted to relieve his blue balls using “Mother Thumb and her 4 sisters.”

No one thought to complement this virtuous young man on his restraint.  No one told him to possibly relieve some of his tension and maybe help him limit his explorations with his girl.   No, his parents continued to instruct him to “overcome his flesh.”  The resulting baby was very beautiful and has grown into a very wonderful and Godly young man.

 

Few churches teach against masturbation anymore.  But I have a question. What is the upper limit for “holy” masturbation in a day?  Is there a limit?  Once a week?  Twice a week?  Once a day?  Can he splurge and go twice  Ok, you don’t want to put a number on it, but let’s see how many times you think is unreasonable.  Three times a day?  Four?  Five?

I am a psychiatrist.  I have treated manic people who were hypersexual.  They masturbated until they raised blisters on their penis.

But my point still holds even for them.  There is a biological limit on how much a person can masturbate.  After a while it just ain’t no more fun.  You can “edge” as long as you want but eventually you are going to bust a nut.  And there is just so many times you can do that till it gets boring.  Ok, so let’s admit that some men can spend a whole day thinking about sex and playing with themselves.  Can they spend EVERY day this way?

No they can’t.  This isn’t “Call of Duty”  Eventually it just gets boring.

MASTURBATION IS NOT  AND ADDICTION BECAUSE IT DOESN’T INCREASE

One of the most important parts of “Addiction” is tolerance.  Yesterday 4 norcos made you feel good.  Today you need 6.  Tomorrow you want 8.  Eventually you need so many to feel good that you take enough to stop your breathing and you die.

But masturbation isn’t like that.  The first squirt of the young man’s week produces a quarter cup.  The next a table spoon.  After while a few drops come out and the resulting orgasm is merely “ok”.   In order to get that first body-shaking seizure-inducing feeling again he is going to have to

Wait!

So masturbation is not addictive.  The sad young man above who believed he was “addicted” to masturbation had simply not choked the chicken to death.

Let’s talk about masturbation some more (please!)

Today, of course, most churches know that masturbation is a normal and healthy part of growing up.  Even Focus on the Family has waved the white flag on this issue.  But for some reason they still want their young men to carry a load of guilt.  James Dobson instructs boys that they can jerk it as long as they don’t “lust” at the same time.  In other words, it should be a purely physical act – kind of like scratching an itch.  No imagination of females should play on the back of closed eyelids.

Amazingly, he is supposed to instantly change his attitude on the night of his marriage.  Suddenly, sex must not be merely scratching an itch, but must be rather be a holy act that is almost entirely about the female.

But let’s be real.  No boy jacks off without imagination.  (If a female reading this thinks that this is not true, ask a man).  So all boys imagine sex while doing “hand to gland combat.”

And – let’s be even more real – today those boys are not simply imagining it on the back of their eyelids.  They are watching porn.

Now let me ask you.  Do they watch porn and NOT jerkoff?

No they do not.  Watching porn and jacking off for the male species is synonymous.    Watching porn without jacking the beanstalk is boooooooring.

So, I ask you.  How much porn can a young man watch?

Do I need to go through this again?  Obviously porn – like masturbation – is self-limiting.  The more you see the less you need to see.    You need a “cooling off period” (or maybe that is a “storing some up” period) before you want to do it again.

Now, some of you may be saying – what about James Dobson’s interview with Ted Bundy the serial killer?  Bundy told Dobson that regular porn got boring so he had to watch more perverted porn, then more perverted until eventually he had to sexually slaughter people in order to feel good.

Ted Bundy was a sociopath who was conning a gullible mark in order to possible get a pardon from President George HW Bush.   This was nonsense.  He was not led to mass murder by porn.  Sociopaths are created at a very young age – usually by extreme neglect and abuse.   Certainly this was true of Bundy’s childhood.

Ask yourself – those of you who have watched porn (that would be EVERY ONE OF YOU MEN)  Did you really find it so boring that you had to watch bestiality in order to shoot your wad?   When you did see the extreme stuff did it really turn you on or did it repel you.  Come on, be honest.

The “escalating nature of porn” is a stupid myth.  No one ever experienced it himself, he just projected his fears onto other men.

Let me (finally) make my point.

Porn is not an addiction because it does not meet the minimum requirement of addiction – an increasing need with decreasing reward.

Christian Men – Jerk it with Joy – And pictures

Guiltless masturbation
Choke your chicken without guilt

Christian men of a certain age were warned against masturbation by our mothers.  One day you and her were in the kitchen and no one else was around,

“You don’t ah… play with yourself,” she whispered.

“No, Mom, no.  Of course not.”

She nodded and accepted your answer.  She never bothered to ask how you knew exactly what she was talking about.  You were consumed with guilt for months and years.  Not only did you commit that terrible sin of jerking off, you compounded it by LYING and we all knew that ALL LIARS HAVE THEIR PLACE IN THE LAKE OF FIRE.

You couldn’t even repent of your sin, because you knew that then you would have to confess to your mother that you had lied.  The sermons were universally agreed on this.

Did any of you actually go and confess to your mother?  I did.  She turned white and went and talked to Daddy.  He then had to have a “talk” with me.  Now, of course, I know that his talk was done tongue-in-cheek.  He was just doing it to please Mom.  He, along with all of the Christian men of his generation, had taken as an article of faith that the thing that they had all done for years was sinful.  That’s why so few of them actually went to church.  We were raised in a church full of women.  Even though the churches now agree that boys can masturbate  (as long as they don’t “lust” while they are doing it) The churches are still full of mostly women, because the church has failed to come to grips with the single simple fact that erotic arousal IS NOT LUST.

Here is the fact.  God created erotica for a purpose.  He wants men to be sexual.  He treats their jackoff sessions as normal part of life.  Erotica is intended to help a young man look forward to and seek marriage.  It is intended to keep a married man desirous of and close to his wife, sexually.  Even porn watched solo brings couples closer together.

So choke your chicken, flog the one-eyed monster, jack the beanstalk, burp the worm.  Enjoy your God-given ability to experience the joys of sex.  It is a God-intended pleasure.

Job 36:11 If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures.
Psalms 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
Psalms 36:8 They shall be abundantly satisfied with the fatness of thy house; and thou shalt make them drink of the river of thy pleasures.

 

I’m a christian who watches porn – as God intended

Christian Men watching porn
All men – especially Christian men – watch porn. There is nothing wrong with that

So you’re a sincere Christian man and you have looked at porn your entire life.  You feel terribly guilty about this.  Your prayers are hindered as a result.  All of the “Men’s retreats” at your church concentrate on one subject and one subject only  – “Pornography Addiction”.   You have tried giving it up multiple times.  You confessed to your pastor and got an “accountability partner.”  After the first couple of times you stopped telling him how you have “fallen” again.  Maybe you even lost him as a friend as a result.

You feel all alone, because your church has placed you on a merry-go-round of eternal guilt.  After decades of trying to beat your “porn addiction” you sense that you will always watch it.  Maybe you even dropped out of church, since you knew that you must not be a Christian.  Christians should be able to overcome at least one addiction!

You have fallen prey to the modern Pharisees. You have been duped into a falsehood.  There is no command in the Bible telling you to avoid erotic stories or images.  In fact, the opposite is true.  The Bible is full of erotica.  It describes and treats masturbation just like it treats sex, pregnancy, and menstruation – as normal parts of a holy life.   The command to avoid pornography is man’s tradition, not God’s command and certainly not Bible.

Here are the links proving that you are a good Christian with whom God is well-pleased.

It is NOT Lust

It is NOT Addiction

It is Healthy

The Taboo on Porn is Man’s Tradition

God wrote Porn

Continue to be a Man

Jerk off with Joy

Here is a website with only Holy Porn for your enjoyment

How a doctor thinks

Drunk looking where the light is better
Looking under the street lamp

This Doctor knows how to actually help his patients.

To many Christian counselors (who rarely bother to actually go get some training) are like the drunk looking for a quarter under the streetlamp.  They know only one “fact” (an untruth) that this man’s “sin” is addiction.  They don’t bother to find out what is going on in his marriage.

Yes, he doesn’t want sex with his wife because he is jacking off so much, but the question isn’t why he likes porn more than his wife, but what is his problem with his wife.  Anyone can hold off porn for 2 days until he is randy and ready for sex with his wife.  He is not willing to do so.  Why?  This is a problem that should be addressed with his doctor.

People don’t realize that we doctors spent over a decade in training for a reason – if everything could be solved by a google search we would all be nurse practitioners.

What is the difference between erotica and pornography?

The greek word “pornio” is interpreted as fornication and can be more loosely translated as simply “sinful sex”. The greek word “eros” refers to sexual arousal. “-graphy” is, simply, writing or printing. So, technically, the difference between erotica is anything that increases sexual desire and pornography is the writing or printing of representations of sinful sex. Pornography, then, is erotica that is about sinful sex. So, by a strict Bible interpretation, pornography would include any depiction of a sex act with 2 or more people that were not married, but any act between married persons would NOT be pornography and would simply be erotica. Meanwhile, depictions of masturbation (which everyone agrees – I hope – is not sinful and does not cause hairy palms or blindness) would also not be porn.

This, of course, is not the definition that anyone in the rest of the world would agree with. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart famously proclaimed that he didn’t know what porn as opposed to erotica was but, “I know it when I see it.” In popular use, erotica is considered sexual depictions that can proclaim to be art, while porn is low-budget erotica. So, Andres Serrano’s “Piss Christ” is erotica, but Playboy TV’s “Adult Film School” in which (most often) married couples make a sex tape is considered porn.

The false dichotomy is silly. The artsy world of elitist high art is not known for being particularly less sinful than Hugh Hefner. Therefore, for the purposes of this facebook group, I will use the words interchangeably. We will probably want to have a discussion about whether depictions of sex between unmarried persons is sinful while depictions sex between married couples is allowed. In that case I will simply use the term married couple porn and porn with unmarried people.