Why don’t we tell sex addicts to quit sex

Porn is not an addiction
Is the real purpose of the anti-porn crusaders anti-sex?

Sex and porn are not addictions because the treatment for “Sex Addiction” is not to quit sex.

There are two main reasons for people to call people’s sexual behavior an “addiction”.  The first one is to excuse their own behavior.  An example of this is this week’s Harvey Weinstein scandal.  A man caught in predatory behavior declares that he is now seeking treatment for “sex addiction.”

But it is not just the predators of the world who are pushing this agenda.  Most of it is by confused Christian leaders.  I think that the reason they are pushing it is because they feel guilty about their erotic desire and are trying to subsume their desire in fighting against other people having sex.   As I remember someone saying years ago (I don’t remember who) “Democrats view porn after they go to the store and buy it.  Republican view it together in anti-porn group meetings.”

There are addictions in the world.  Alcoholism, opoids, etc.  I am a doctor and I drink alcohol.  I have no problem with occasional moderate use.  But when I have a patient who is an alcoholic I tell them that they have to quit drinking.  I have occasionally, in order to get free parking downtown, gambled enough to get a card at the casino’s.  But I tell gambling addicts that they must not go near the place on any condition.

But there are several behaviors that are often over indulged in that are not addictions.  Overeating is not an addiction. Sleep is not an addiction.  Running is not an addiction.  Work is not an addiction.  Vacation is not an addiction.  The cure is not to stop eating, stop sleeping, stop exercising, stop working or never go on vacation.

But the hidden agenda of the anti-porn people is, let’s face it, to stop having sex.   Do an image search on Google for “quit sex” and this is what you get.

 

Image result for "quit sex"

And dozen’s more like it.

Oh yes, they tell you that sex is supposed to be holy in marriage, but if you read deeper, almost all of these people start making even more rules.  You will find that they often end up in marriages with no sex at all.  You will find that they are usually divorced.

Give up your own ways and start doing things God’s way.  Rejoice in your sexuality.  Watch some beautiful girls screw around, jack off with joy and let your spiritual energies be used in helping others.

Why Christians should be for “Toxic Masculinity” and porn

The essence of being a man includes rescuing women and children in a flood, it includes hunting and fishing, backpacking, and, yes, watching porn.  Hurricane Harvey this week has shown us that the manly virtues are not things that can be quickly thrown away.

Yes, I know that the feminizing movement is active in the church.  It wants to redefine manliness to be estrogen-laden males.  it wants us to vacuum the floor and to communicate fully our inner lives.  But when we need real men, it is not these beta-males who show up.

When the feminizing movement showed up in the church, it did not directly attack courage, instead it told boys that they shouldn’t fight back – even if attacked or defending a weaker person.   It didn’t directly attack hunting or fishing, instead it told husbands that they ought to “spend more time with their family.”  But men have been spending time with their boys for many centuries – by hunting and fishing.  It didn’t tell men to stop having sex with their wives, it just attacked their erotic desires – called it lust – and tried to convince men that the only Godly sexual desire involved candlelit dinners and long walks in the twilight.

But Godly sexual desire also includes pure physical desire, pure desire to grab their wives sexual parts and go to slurping and humping.  There is nothing, absolutely nothing, ungodly about this.

Yes, there is also a place for romantic, sweet, and tender lovemaking.  But there is nothing inherently more Godly and holy about tender and sweet versus hot and fervent.  I dare you to find any scripture that even hints differently.

Christian men should be encouraged to be manly.  To want sex – early, late, and often.  The best way to encourage this is by depicting sex to them and not placing a guilt-trip on them for liking it.

Should Christians watch Game of Thrones nudity? Yes.

Christians looking at Emlia Clarke's naked body
Emilia Clarke has a great body

Looking forward to the Game of Thrones Season Premier tonight, especially the nude parts…..

Predictably, the “Christian” position being preached in the churches today is that Christians can’t watch because of the nudity.  We aren’t allowed to admit that breasts exist or that we like to look at them.

I remember when we couldn’t watch television because of the cursing.  This was always strange.  The Bible contains curse words.  Elijah said that God would kill all of Ahab’s children that “pissed against the wall” – in other words, all the males.  But Elijah didn’t just say “males” he wanted to throw the extra curse because God was really angry and wished to express that angry clearly.

So, also,  the Bible contains many clear descriptions of nudity.  Often those descriptions are explicitly sexual and intended to arouse.   Solomon was clearly a breast man, but he liked legs and butts, so he included those.

Now, the sex in Game of Thrones is rarely marital (except those great Danerys-Drogo scenes (hubba, hubba).  But I think it is noticeable that the fornication and adultery is usually described as poor behavior and consequences follow.  Explicit rape scenes are shown, but they are shown as horrid and deserving of the inevitable consequences.  The Dothraki engage in public orgies, but this is used as an example of their continued bad treatment of women.  And when Danerys makes a pact with the Iron Islands, she explicitly insists that the raping must stop.

The church’s attempt to preach against watching the Game of Thrones is self-defeating.  Here is a series that speaks explicitly to the morality of our time and strongly supports the idea that evil is tempting, but is ultimately self-defeating.  National Review has a great article which argues for this interpretation.

I, of course, don’t believe that the modern evangelical church has the right attitude toward nudity to begin with.  If we would adopt a biblical, instead of a Victorian, attitude, we could start to reach out to the men who are either not attending or just attending nominally, without letting it have any effect on their lives.

Why Christian Men Aren’t Getting Married

This man is not welcome in the church

Great article at fox news.  Hat tip Instapundit.

Firstly, Christian men aren’t getting married because there are so few single Christian men.

When is the last time you saw a Christian single man at church?  Was he available?  Of course not.  He was grabbed up.  There are few single men at the church because the church makes no attempt to reach them.  Oh yes, the women are trying to reach them and bring them to church with them.  But the men don’t show up, and are not being sought, by the church.  When the grace of God reaches down and touches a young man, and he shows up to church, then the feminized church will drive him away.   Masculinity, sweat, hunting, fishing, competing, are all treated as a vaguely distasteful necessity of having men at the church.  But the “real” Christian men will be feminized.  They will have great “listening” skills and their gestures will be comfortably familiar to females.  When the church later discovers that they are homosexual, they will be shocked.

The only “men’s” program at the church is the program for families.  The singles groups are full of women and the lessons are all about dieting, diabetes education, communication, and recovery from “emotional abuse” of their ex-boyfriends and husbands.

If a man is a real man, if he likes beer and naked women.  If he has a beard and a likes to look at women’s boobs, then he will be shunted to a Promise Keeper’s group to be properly educated out of his gender.

And, God help us, if these men like sex, if they like to look at naked women, if they go online to look at pornography and erotica, then they must be disciplined, they must be discipled, the must be cured of their “Porn Addiction”

Are you surprised that masculine men don’t want anything to do with Christ?

And it is a shame, because Jesus and his disciples were men’s men.  They could stand up in front of the Sanhedrin and tell them that they would obey God rather than men.  They could work all night, naked, on a boat in the middle of the sea of Galilee, even if they caught nothing.

Christian men aren’t getting married because the church has decided it doesn’t want Christian single men, it just wants properly schooled girly-men.

Porn use decreases adultery

Use porn to stop adultery
Porn use decreases adultery

According to the popular view.  Porn use causes an increase in infidelity and bad sexual behavior.  It is wrong.

According to Megan McCardle, writing in Bloomberg,  Having an affair is going out of style.

She writes

And yet, when you peer closer at the data, it turns out that extramarital sex is changing before our very eyes. While the overall rate of people reporting extramarital flings is the same, the demographics of the people who report the adultery are changing dramatically. And not necessarily in the direction you might think.

The millennials, with their Tinder and their sexting and their God-knows-what-they-get-up-to-on-those-interwebs, are not driving this trend. It’s the baby boomers, with their Jimi Hendrix box sets and their Viagra prescriptions and their dog-eared copy of “The Joy of Sex” that they thought they’d lost four moves ago. People under the age of 55 are actually having markedly less extramarital sex than people in that age group did in the 1990s. But people over the age of 55 are busy making up for their missed action.

Think about what this means.  The same generation X that has decided that porn is not a problem has decided that adultery is.  It is not that porn has not changed their behavior – of course what you watch changes your behavior.  More women engaged in lesbian sex before marriage, more anal sex, and more genital grooming, but when this generation of men and women got married, they decided to stay faithful.

Why, I am sure that the “your brain on porn” advocates told us that they would all become sex-addicts, that watching porn would cause them to become more and more addicted, that their brains would shrink, that they would lose the ability to control their sexual desires….

It seems that the opposite has happened – as real scientists told us that it would – that these people would become more discriminating about sex, that they would be able to enter marriage without the passion of unresolved sexual tension, that they could therefore stay married longer and be more faithful during their marriage.

But I didn’t have to wait for science to tell me this (though I am a psychiatrist and I make sure that my opinions are always informed by science).  The Bible told me this a long time ago.  God told me that erotica was part of normal and holy life, he inspired Solomon to write it for me to enjoy.   He also told me that erotica ought to point toward and idealize marital love.  That is why I created the Holy Erotica site, so that Christians could take back erotica from the sinners.

If more people would make sites like this, more Christian couples would make erotica for others to enjoy, then we would not find lesbianism and anal sex increasing, instead you would find Christian marriages lasting longer and being stronger.

 

Science “falsely so called”. Christian PseudoScientists against porn

Don’t use Science to promote your presupposition

1Ti 6:20 O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called:

One of the most frustrating things to watch is the Christian PseudoScientists pretend that science backs their anti-porn crusade.  You can see this in the fake scientist Gary Wilson‘s “Your Brain On Porn” nonsense.  The studies directly contradict him.  But he doesn’t care, because the people who are listening to him don’t care. He is making money off of their gullibility.  They have a religious tradition opinion and they will jump on any “science” that supports their tradition.  They don’t actually read the details because it doesn’t matter.  Instead they will jump up in church and proclaim – “Even Science will tell you that porn changes your brain.”

There have been many pseudoscience advocates in our lifetime.  We have the anti-vaccination people, the laetrile advocates, the “pure” high pH water people, the “paleo-diet” people, etc.  All of these people have one thing in common, THEY DON’T ACTUALLY DO RESEARCH.

Research is very hard.  It is very strict.  As a psychiatrist, I am required to produce one research project in the next 3 years.  This is very difficult to do.  I have to become a true expert on the question that I am asking.  I have to then formulate the question correctly.  Then I have to decide what data that I need to answer the question.  Then I have to discover the source of the data.  I have to then gather the data and compile it into understandable form.  I have to find the answer to the question that I asked – which may not be the answer I expected.  I have to find the weaknesses of methodology.  Finally I have to write and publish the paper resulting from all of this.

This is all hard work.  It would be a lot easier to simply do a google search and then selectively quote from studies that OTHER people have done.  I can misquote them, take their work out of context, apply it incorrectly, and then proclaim my pre-determined opinion.  This is what all of these “Your Brain On Porn” people have done.  If you don’t believe me, do this experiment.  Go to “PubMed.Com” where all of the medical studies are published and look for an author “Gary Wilson”  It isn’t there.  Look for anyone else in the Porn Addiction advocate crowd.  None of them are there either.

This is “Science Falsely So Called”

Forbidding to marry and commanding to abstain from meats

Abstention is not holy
Asceticism is not holiness

I Tim 4:1-5 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth. For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving:  For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.

One of the most common methods of false holiness is asceticism, the attempt to look more holy than others by denying normal and Godly desire.

The medieval Catholics practiced this by forbidding their priests to marry and stopped them from eating meat on Friday and during Lent.   This allowed them to feel holy even while their were slaughtering babies, stealing from their neighbors, keeping mistresses, etc.

So also, today, our modern church movement has decided that it has to make up some new rules to make them feel holy.  Now, note, one of the most common sins in the pew today is probably fornication.  Unmarried couples are openly shacked up together.  Dating couples are assumed to be sleeping together.  Yet, the church ignores these sins and instead preaches against the boyfriend’s “addiction” to porn.

Turning to fake science, they believe that the man’s sleeping with his girlfriend doesn’t harm his brain, but somehow looking at erotica will.  Even though, the Bible clearly forbids the first and promotes the second.

This is not a new phenomenon.  Paul said that in the latter times people would depart from the faith and instead preach other doctrines – doctrines of devils.    Just because it is “forbidding” does not make it holy.  God is not a God of forbidding, but a God of pleasure.  When we take pleasure in the proper place (in our marriages, and in imaginations about marriages) then life is holy and pure.   When we add in our own commands – morphing the gospel into legalism and pharisaism – then we live lives of bondage and guilt.

So rejoice with the wife of thy youth.  Let your fountain be blessed as your watch erotica.  Enjoy the pleasures that God gave you and tell the legalists to go read their bible more and preach a false chastity less.

#Pornography is not #Addiction according to the American Psychological Association

Moralists want to claim science to attack porn, but that is not what the scientists say.

Look, if you want to make a biblical or religious argument against porn, by all means do so.  I encourage you to comment and we will discuss it.   But if you want to make a scientific argument, you ought to at least look at the science, and it does not say what the new pharisees are proclaiming.

Christian Men – Jerk it with Joy – And pictures

Guiltless masturbation
Choke your chicken without guilt

Christian men of a certain age were warned against masturbation by our mothers.  One day you and her were in the kitchen and no one else was around,

“You don’t ah… play with yourself,” she whispered.

“No, Mom, no.  Of course not.”

She nodded and accepted your answer.  She never bothered to ask how you knew exactly what she was talking about.  You were consumed with guilt for months and years.  Not only did you commit that terrible sin of jerking off, you compounded it by LYING and we all knew that ALL LIARS HAVE THEIR PLACE IN THE LAKE OF FIRE.

You couldn’t even repent of your sin, because you knew that then you would have to confess to your mother that you had lied.  The sermons were universally agreed on this.

Did any of you actually go and confess to your mother?  I did.  She turned white and went and talked to Daddy.  He then had to have a “talk” with me.  Now, of course, I know that his talk was done tongue-in-cheek.  He was just doing it to please Mom.  He, along with all of the Christian men of his generation, had taken as an article of faith that the thing that they had all done for years was sinful.  That’s why so few of them actually went to church.  We were raised in a church full of women.  Even though the churches now agree that boys can masturbate  (as long as they don’t “lust” while they are doing it) The churches are still full of mostly women, because the church has failed to come to grips with the single simple fact that erotic arousal IS NOT LUST.

Here is the fact.  God created erotica for a purpose.  He wants men to be sexual.  He treats their jackoff sessions as normal part of life.  Erotica is intended to help a young man look forward to and seek marriage.  It is intended to keep a married man desirous of and close to his wife, sexually.  Even porn watched solo brings couples closer together.

So choke your chicken, flog the one-eyed monster, jack the beanstalk, burp the worm.  Enjoy your God-given ability to experience the joys of sex.  It is a God-intended pleasure.

Job 36:11 If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures.
Psalms 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
Psalms 36:8 They shall be abundantly satisfied with the fatness of thy house; and thou shalt make them drink of the river of thy pleasures.

 

I’m a christian who watches porn – as God intended

Christian Men watching porn
All men – especially Christian men – watch porn. There is nothing wrong with that

So you’re a sincere Christian man and you have looked at porn your entire life.  You feel terribly guilty about this.  Your prayers are hindered as a result.  All of the “Men’s retreats” at your church concentrate on one subject and one subject only  – “Pornography Addiction”.   You have tried giving it up multiple times.  You confessed to your pastor and got an “accountability partner.”  After the first couple of times you stopped telling him how you have “fallen” again.  Maybe you even lost him as a friend as a result.

You feel all alone, because your church has placed you on a merry-go-round of eternal guilt.  After decades of trying to beat your “porn addiction” you sense that you will always watch it.  Maybe you even dropped out of church, since you knew that you must not be a Christian.  Christians should be able to overcome at least one addiction!

You have fallen prey to the modern Pharisees. You have been duped into a falsehood.  There is no command in the Bible telling you to avoid erotic stories or images.  In fact, the opposite is true.  The Bible is full of erotica.  It describes and treats masturbation just like it treats sex, pregnancy, and menstruation – as normal parts of a holy life.   The command to avoid pornography is man’s tradition, not God’s command and certainly not Bible.

Here are the links proving that you are a good Christian with whom God is well-pleased.

It is NOT Lust

It is NOT Addiction

It is Healthy

The Taboo on Porn is Man’s Tradition

God wrote Porn

Continue to be a Man

Jerk off with Joy

Here is a website with only Holy Porn for your enjoyment