Why Christian Erotica is about holiness and not fornication

The purpose of Christian Erotica is to increase Christian Marital Sex and Intimacy

I was recently contacted by a young man who wanted me to help him find a way to have internet sex with women.  He didn’t want to find a girlfriend and he wasn’t searching for a wife, he just wanted to have meaningless and faceless sex.

I didn’t help him.  Because that is not what this site and it’s companion site HolyErotica.com is about.

I maintain these sites (even though I make no money and actually spend money on them) because I believe in Christian marriage, Christian sex, and  Christian intimacy.

Like all men, I dreamed of sex from a very young age.  I asked God to please not return in the rapture before I could have sex.  I was a virgin horn dog.  But I didn’t get to kiss a girl until well after high school.   The girls probably sensed the hormones coming off of me and ran for their lives.

Because I needed sex so much, I sought desperately for a wife.  I found a great one.    It turns out that she was just as much of a horny virgin as I was.   Otherwise she would never have married a broke college student.

You see, marriage is almost never a practical idea, just a good one.    The reason that we got married is because that was the only holy way to get lots and lots of sex.

And it did us well.  Marriage is never practical but it is very good for people.  It is not practical for a man to have to work long hours because he has responsibilities, but “it is not good for a man to dwell alone.”   It is not practical to have a baby with his wife, but it is good for him, his wife, and their child.

The purpose of Holy Erotica is not to provide an alternative to seeking a wife or to having sex with your wife.  It is intended to help you be more sexual with the wife that God intends you to have.   For single men, it is intended to make you want a wife more and too seek one out.  “He that FINDETH a wife findeth a good thing.”  And FINDING requires SEARCHING.  Porn with masturbation does not DECREASE a man’s desire for a woman.  It doesn’t “drain his balls” and “give him relief.”  Did you honestly think it did?  It makes him want a woman.  If he is a Christian, it makes him want a wife.

Having said all of that.  I know that almost all of the readers are yelling at their computer screen – “BUT THAT ISN’T THE WAY IT WORKS ANYMORE”   I know that.  I am a psychiatrist and I hear stories daily that would give you nightmares.  I know that this is not 1950 anymore.  I realize that people can find sex easily.  They can buy it  within a few hours and with a little more effort they can use the online apps to find hookups.  Quality sex robots are only months away.

Here is the key, the Bible was not written in 1950.  The ancient world had pervasive sexuality also.  Slaves had no rights and could be used at will.  Temple prostitutes were cheap.   Privacy was non-existent and nudity abounded.    Yet Paul tells the Corinthians “Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.” (I Cor 6:15)  In the midst of the Vegas of the ancient world.    God expected people to live like they were in 1950’s America.

I like sex.  I like to watch videos about sex, read stories about sex, and look at pictures of sex and sexy people.    This has done me well, because I have a great wife who I can be sexually intimate with.  We are close and become closer because of all of the sex that we have.  This is the purpose of erotica, this is the purpose of sex, and this is the purpose of marriage.

Why don’t we tell sex addicts to quit sex

Porn is not an addiction
Is the real purpose of the anti-porn crusaders anti-sex?

Sex and porn are not addictions because the treatment for “Sex Addiction” is not to quit sex.

There are two main reasons for people to call people’s sexual behavior an “addiction”.  The first one is to excuse their own behavior.  An example of this is this week’s Harvey Weinstein scandal.  A man caught in predatory behavior declares that he is now seeking treatment for “sex addiction.”

But it is not just the predators of the world who are pushing this agenda.  Most of it is by confused Christian leaders.  I think that the reason they are pushing it is because they feel guilty about their erotic desire and are trying to subsume their desire in fighting against other people having sex.   As I remember someone saying years ago (I don’t remember who) “Democrats view porn after they go to the store and buy it.  Republican view it together in anti-porn group meetings.”

There are addictions in the world.  Alcoholism, opoids, etc.  I am a doctor and I drink alcohol.  I have no problem with occasional moderate use.  But when I have a patient who is an alcoholic I tell them that they have to quit drinking.  I have occasionally, in order to get free parking downtown, gambled enough to get a card at the casino’s.  But I tell gambling addicts that they must not go near the place on any condition.

But there are several behaviors that are often over indulged in that are not addictions.  Overeating is not an addiction. Sleep is not an addiction.  Running is not an addiction.  Work is not an addiction.  Vacation is not an addiction.  The cure is not to stop eating, stop sleeping, stop exercising, stop working or never go on vacation.

But the hidden agenda of the anti-porn people is, let’s face it, to stop having sex.   Do an image search on Google for “quit sex” and this is what you get.

 

Image result for "quit sex"

And dozen’s more like it.

Oh yes, they tell you that sex is supposed to be holy in marriage, but if you read deeper, almost all of these people start making even more rules.  You will find that they often end up in marriages with no sex at all.  You will find that they are usually divorced.

Give up your own ways and start doing things God’s way.  Rejoice in your sexuality.  Watch some beautiful girls screw around, jack off with joy and let your spiritual energies be used in helping others.

New Study: Preaching against Porn “Addiction” makes it WORSE not better

Preaching against porn
Feel Bad About Yourself – That is true holiness

Preachers do their people no favors by preaching against pornography.   A new peer reviewed study published in “Addiction” magazine shows that men who have been taught that pornography perceive themselves to be addicted even when they are not.   This perception continues to dog them and cause problems in their lives.  So their lives are made worse – not by their viewing pornography – but rather because they have been taught that what they are doing is wrong.

Not surprisingly, this terrible feeling of guilt that the church has imposed on these men does not help them “overcome” their addiction.   Nor does 12-step programs or any of the other “addiction” treatments.  The reason that none of these programs or treatments work is because THEY ARE NOT ADDICTED.  Treating men’s fullfillment of their normal erotic desires as an addiction is like treating an overweight person for diabetes.  He doesn’t lose any weight, but he can die from your treatment.

In this study, they studied people who had viewed porn in the past six months.   They asked the subjects how much porn they viewed, about their religious views, whether they felt like porn was a sin, and whether they felt like they were addicted to porn.   Not surprisingly, the religious people who believed that porn was sinful also believed that they were addicted.  The subjects who didn’t think it was sinful didn’t believe that they were addicted.   By the normal standards of “addiction” (significantly negatively influenced their lives) the unreligious people didn’t display any problems in their lives.

Then six months later they asked the same people about their porn habits and about their feelings of addiction.   The religious people were WORSE not better.  They perceived themselves to be addicted at a far higher level than the non-religious ones.

In short, preaching against men looking at erotic images does not help them.  It makes them feel worse about their lives while not giving them any help to “overcome”    The reason it doesn’t help them overcome is because it is

 

Christian Men – Jerk it with Joy – And pictures

Guiltless masturbation
Choke your chicken without guilt

Christian men of a certain age were warned against masturbation by our mothers.  One day you and her were in the kitchen and no one else was around,

“You don’t ah… play with yourself,” she whispered.

“No, Mom, no.  Of course not.”

She nodded and accepted your answer.  She never bothered to ask how you knew exactly what she was talking about.  You were consumed with guilt for months and years.  Not only did you commit that terrible sin of jerking off, you compounded it by LYING and we all knew that ALL LIARS HAVE THEIR PLACE IN THE LAKE OF FIRE.

You couldn’t even repent of your sin, because you knew that then you would have to confess to your mother that you had lied.  The sermons were universally agreed on this.

Did any of you actually go and confess to your mother?  I did.  She turned white and went and talked to Daddy.  He then had to have a “talk” with me.  Now, of course, I know that his talk was done tongue-in-cheek.  He was just doing it to please Mom.  He, along with all of the Christian men of his generation, had taken as an article of faith that the thing that they had all done for years was sinful.  That’s why so few of them actually went to church.  We were raised in a church full of women.  Even though the churches now agree that boys can masturbate  (as long as they don’t “lust” while they are doing it) The churches are still full of mostly women, because the church has failed to come to grips with the single simple fact that erotic arousal IS NOT LUST.

Here is the fact.  God created erotica for a purpose.  He wants men to be sexual.  He treats their jackoff sessions as normal part of life.  Erotica is intended to help a young man look forward to and seek marriage.  It is intended to keep a married man desirous of and close to his wife, sexually.  Even porn watched solo brings couples closer together.

So choke your chicken, flog the one-eyed monster, jack the beanstalk, burp the worm.  Enjoy your God-given ability to experience the joys of sex.  It is a God-intended pleasure.

Job 36:11 If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures.
Psalms 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
Psalms 36:8 They shall be abundantly satisfied with the fatness of thy house; and thou shalt make them drink of the river of thy pleasures.

 

Whatsoever things are pure. Not all porn is holy, but some is

God intended us to enjoy erotic images and video
Beautiful, pure, and holy sex

I take the position that Christians should watch porn.  But in saying this, I do not defend the position that all porn is good.  In fact, the vast majority of the porn on the internet is junk.  It is full of hatefulness, degradation, gang bangs and adultery.  Anyone who loves God knows that these things are evil.

My statement that “I like porn” is similar to the statement “I like sex.”  It is not a defense of every act of sex, or even most acts of sex, that take place.

A quote from CS Lewis’ Screwtape Letters is appropriate:

Never forget that when we are dealing with any pleasure in its healthy and normal and satisfying form, we are, in a sense, on the Enemy’s [God’s] ground. I know we have won many a soul through pleasure. All the same, it is [God’s] invention, not ours. He made the pleasures: all our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden. Hence we always try to work away from the natural condition of any pleasure to that in which it is least natural, least redolent of its Maker, and least pleasurable. An ever-increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure is the formula…. To get the man’s soul and give NOTHING in return–that is what really gladdens [Satan’s] heart.

There is a small amount of porn out there, beautiful couple porn and individual person porn, that celebrates the beauty and wonder of sex as God intends it.  Two  people who love one another have committed themselves to create a family will then celebrate that union in rapturous, orgasmic joy and pleasure.   To watch this rapturous joy and vicariously experience in ourselves is to participate in God’s plan or pleasure and to be brought closer to each other and God.  This is why he allowed us into the sexual experiences of Solomon and his Shunnamite wife.

I believe my favorite erotic clip of all times is this scene from “The Neon Bull”.  (Warning, this clip shows explicit sex). I see a husband making love to the mother of his child.  Watching this sort of erotica does not lead me to (as the “porn addiction” advocates claim) see more depraved porn.  In fact, depraved sex has never appealed to me.  I have never wanted to humiliate my wife with sex.  I have never wanted to “split her open”, “make her gag”, “make her swallow” or “make her” do anything else.  Sex is not a matter of “using” one another at all, except in the sense that I want my wife to use ME for her pleasure and vica-versa.  Occasionally, when I am sated and not particularly needing sex, I enjoy watching my darling enjoy herself with my body.

When I watch this pure sort of erotica, it makes me a better husband, it makes me a better man.  I become more loving, I seek to reach the ideal that the erotica

Now, watching the other stuff does not have the same effect.  It can make me more selfish, it can make sex with my wife less loving, less pure, less unselfish.

Of course what we watch affects us.  It should.  That is why God told us,

“Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

I am not pleased with how much effort that I have to make to find these pure and holy erotic scenes.  I wish that someone would create a website that contained links to only these items.    What do you think?

Watch out, don’t use psych labels on others to behave badly yourself

A woman describes her sad story of being married to a narcissist

My heart goes out to her.  I am a psychiatrist who deals with narcissists on a regular basis and they are very, very difficult people.

But I am also a little wary.  People getting divorced almost always discover that their spouse had a personality disorder.

So, I want to give a word of warning to ladies reading this. Don’t be quick to make a psych diagnosis of your husband. Personality disorder diagnoses are easily given and often wrong – even by experts. They are also used as justification for mistreatment.

For example, a woman who struggles with Borderline Personality traits could write everything in the article and believe it all to be true, when the fact might be that she is the one with the personality disorder traits and is projecting her poor coping skills onto him.

In fact, every Borderline woman (and that is hundreds) that I have treated has told almost exactly this story – including the “Emotional Abuse” part.

NOTE: I AM NOT CLAIMING THAT THE AUTHOR IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.

I am saying that before you use the popular label “narcissist” to justify leaving your husband, consider the possibility that you may be the one in need of cognitive behavior modification

Remember When Interracial Marriage Was Forbidden By God

30 years ago today in Loving v Virginia, the Supreme Court ended bans on interracial marriage.

Do you remember how “Evil” black/white marriages used to be?  I am ashamed to say that I used to have some racist friends.  I told one of them, one time, that there was nothing wrong with it.  He blew up.  “It is Worse than Adultery”  No Christian could marry a (N-word).  God would bar the gates of heaven against such abominations.  They even had Bible to back them – Cain’s Mark, Ham’s curse, etc.

We now know that people didn’t get these opinions from the Bible, but from their traditions.  The Bible is very explicitly Anti-Racist and Anti-Sexist (“With God there is neither Greek nor Jew, Male nor Female” – Galations)

But people use the Bible to back up their opinions, not vice-versa.

So also the modern opinion of porn is not from the Bible, but from Victorian tradition.  It would be foreign to the writers or readers of either the Old or New Testaments.

Loose Lips (and Language) Sink Ships, Countries, and Marriages

So many people are saying that we are in a “Civil War” in the United States.   NO WE AREN’T and if we were then that would be terrifying and we ought to do everything in our power to make peace.

At Shiloh – just one battle of the Civil War – there were over 23 THOUSAND casualties.  That’s 9/11 times 7.  Come on, folks.  Let’s tighten up our language a bit before we start a LITERAL war.

Similarly, I wish my anti-Porn Christian friends would tighten up their language about “Addiction”  You don’t just toss around words like that loosely.  Porn is rarely an “Addiction”.   Addictions cost people their lives. I deal with Addicts every day.  They have lost everything with DUI’s, they stole from the Mothers, they couldn’t stop themselves even when it meant jail and even after and while they were IN jail.    Binge Eating disorder (food addiction) turns people in to thousand pound invalids inhaling whole bags of chips.

The only reason that porn causes breakups is because these “PornAddict” and “YourBrainOnPorn” advocates are telling women to break up with their husbands because of his “Addiction”.  If these frauds had left the family alone, then they would be close, intimate, and be having hot sex until they died.

Loose lips sink ships, and countries, and marriages.

Tighten up your language people.

R.I.P Batman, survived by his wife Catwoman (pant, pant)

To those of us of a certain age, there is only one REAL Batman, all the rest were merely imitating him.

Batmans wife CatWoman delivers a eulogy

Fortunately the REAL catwoman is going to be around for a long time to… ah… comfort us. (pant, pant)

The War On Naked Women

Church lady hates naked women
Put your clothes on girl

Rush Limbaugh’s undeniable truth of life says that feminism was created in order to give ugly women access to the mainstream.

I think that it’s not just the Feminists, but the church ladies also.  Not because they are ugly, but because they all THINK that they are ugly and every other woman is prettier.  They feel this way because they have been taught to uglify themselves in the name of Christ.

How else can you explain why churches hate erotic women so much when the Bible clearly likes them.  Solomon REALLY liked them.  David certainly enjoyed his housetop view.  Neither of these men were rebuked for the erotic thoughts, but for the action of stealing what was not theirs.  In fact, God approved of David’s sexual appetite. (II Sam 12:8)

Let me be clear, God is against fornication, adultery, prostitution, pimping, etc.  But he is not just neutral toward erotica, he actively promoted it.  The church ought to have the hottest women around.  The church ought to be filled with slavering men, waiting to marry one of these hotties.