Why don’t we tell sex addicts to quit sex

Porn is not an addiction
Is the real purpose of the anti-porn crusaders anti-sex?

Sex and porn are not addictions because the treatment for “Sex Addiction” is not to quit sex.

There are two main reasons for people to call people’s sexual behavior an “addiction”.  The first one is to excuse their own behavior.  An example of this is this week’s Harvey Weinstein scandal.  A man caught in predatory behavior declares that he is now seeking treatment for “sex addiction.”

But it is not just the predators of the world who are pushing this agenda.  Most of it is by confused Christian leaders.  I think that the reason they are pushing it is because they feel guilty about their erotic desire and are trying to subsume their desire in fighting against other people having sex.   As I remember someone saying years ago (I don’t remember who) “Democrats view porn after they go to the store and buy it.  Republican view it together in anti-porn group meetings.”

There are addictions in the world.  Alcoholism, opoids, etc.  I am a doctor and I drink alcohol.  I have no problem with occasional moderate use.  But when I have a patient who is an alcoholic I tell them that they have to quit drinking.  I have occasionally, in order to get free parking downtown, gambled enough to get a card at the casino’s.  But I tell gambling addicts that they must not go near the place on any condition.

But there are several behaviors that are often over indulged in that are not addictions.  Overeating is not an addiction. Sleep is not an addiction.  Running is not an addiction.  Work is not an addiction.  Vacation is not an addiction.  The cure is not to stop eating, stop sleeping, stop exercising, stop working or never go on vacation.

But the hidden agenda of the anti-porn people is, let’s face it, to stop having sex.   Do an image search on Google for “quit sex” and this is what you get.

 

Image result for "quit sex"

And dozen’s more like it.

Oh yes, they tell you that sex is supposed to be holy in marriage, but if you read deeper, almost all of these people start making even more rules.  You will find that they often end up in marriages with no sex at all.  You will find that they are usually divorced.

Give up your own ways and start doing things God’s way.  Rejoice in your sexuality.  Watch some beautiful girls screw around, jack off with joy and let your spiritual energies be used in helping others.

Why #Christian #Pornography is healthy for men and couples

Porn is Healthy For Couples
A Husband is drawn closer to his wife when he views Erotica

So, it is my position that Christian men can view what is considered pornography (wrongly called, it should be erotica) without being wrong.   I say this for three reasons.  Firstly, holy erotica is God-ordained and inspired.  Secondly, it is healthy.  Thirdly, sincere holy men have been looking at “dirty” art for thousands of years without our religion being destroyed.

Firstly,  Erotica is God-ordained.   The Bible includes everything necessary for a Christian life.  God knew that people would be angry at life’s injustices, so he put in the book of Job.  He knew that people would question him, so he put in many of the Psalms and the book of Habakkuk.  He knew that people would feel hopeless as they approached old age, so he put in the book of Ecclesiastes.  Proverbs is filled with miscellaneous advice on thousands of important subjects.

And God knew that single people should be reminded how wonderful married love is, and he knew that married people would need to encourage their sexual desire so that it would not become humdrum.  So he put in the play of the Song of Solomon that includes nudity, erotica, and explicit sexual imagery.  Solomon had this play performed live in his court – in short – he had live sex shows, since video hadn’t been invented yet.  God included this “porn” (actually erotica) in his Bible for a reason.  That reason is to inform us that in our railing against adulter and fornication we should not forget that marital sex was invented by God for the pleasure of his people.

Secondly, Erotica is healthy.  Despite what you read about from non-physician, non-psychiatrist, pseudo-experts like “YourBrainOnPorn” Gary Wilson; studies do NOT show that your brain is harmed by viewing erotica.  In fact, a recent study showed that couples who overcome the imposed guilt of the legalistic churches were drawn closer together, even if the erotica was viewed alone.  If brains were truly damaged so badly by porn, then the 70% of men who ADMIT that the view porn regularly and the 29% who lie about it would be wandering the streets waiting to murder and rape women.   And yet, most marriages seem to survive and thrive in spite of these poor husbands’ brains being destroyed.  We would like to provide a study showing that marriages survive more when men view porn, but we can’t find any men who don’t watch porn.   The “Porn Addiction” so much quoted by these pseudo-experts simply doesn’t exist, which is why the psychiatrists did not include it as a diagnosis in the newly released Diagnostic Statistical Manual 5(DSM5).  Vegetarians want to define bacon as an addiction, and the new puritans want to define erotica as an addiction.  Neither is.

Thirdly, sincere Christian men are already viewing porn.  Yes, I know, Christians sin all the time.  But if the Holy Spirit is really guiding ANY Christians and God hates porn so much, then SOME of them should be overcoming.  Yet the studies show that there is no difference between the porn viewing habits of proclaiming Christians and non-believers.  That is because God is not helping men to overcome an act that he never forbade.

The church, dominated the dear sisters who don’t understand the biological desire that God gave all men  keep trying to accomplish the impossible.  The natural result is a church empty of men.  Pastors who counsel marital couples when the husbands porn “addiction” is discovered actually destroy the marriage.

Oh what peace we often forfeit, Oh what needless pain we bear.  All because we do not trust that Jesus, the eternal word of God, actually knew what he saying when he said:

Prov 5:19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Watch out, don’t use psych labels on others to behave badly yourself

A woman describes her sad story of being married to a narcissist

My heart goes out to her.  I am a psychiatrist who deals with narcissists on a regular basis and they are very, very difficult people.

But I am also a little wary.  People getting divorced almost always discover that their spouse had a personality disorder.

So, I want to give a word of warning to ladies reading this. Don’t be quick to make a psych diagnosis of your husband. Personality disorder diagnoses are easily given and often wrong – even by experts. They are also used as justification for mistreatment.

For example, a woman who struggles with Borderline Personality traits could write everything in the article and believe it all to be true, when the fact might be that she is the one with the personality disorder traits and is projecting her poor coping skills onto him.

In fact, every Borderline woman (and that is hundreds) that I have treated has told almost exactly this story – including the “Emotional Abuse” part.

NOTE: I AM NOT CLAIMING THAT THE AUTHOR IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.

I am saying that before you use the popular label “narcissist” to justify leaving your husband, consider the possibility that you may be the one in need of cognitive behavior modification

Remember When Interracial Marriage Was Forbidden By God

30 years ago today in Loving v Virginia, the Supreme Court ended bans on interracial marriage.

Do you remember how “Evil” black/white marriages used to be?  I am ashamed to say that I used to have some racist friends.  I told one of them, one time, that there was nothing wrong with it.  He blew up.  “It is Worse than Adultery”  No Christian could marry a (N-word).  God would bar the gates of heaven against such abominations.  They even had Bible to back them – Cain’s Mark, Ham’s curse, etc.

We now know that people didn’t get these opinions from the Bible, but from their traditions.  The Bible is very explicitly Anti-Racist and Anti-Sexist (“With God there is neither Greek nor Jew, Male nor Female” – Galations)

But people use the Bible to back up their opinions, not vice-versa.

So also the modern opinion of porn is not from the Bible, but from Victorian tradition.  It would be foreign to the writers or readers of either the Old or New Testaments.

Loose Lips (and Language) Sink Ships, Countries, and Marriages

So many people are saying that we are in a “Civil War” in the United States.   NO WE AREN’T and if we were then that would be terrifying and we ought to do everything in our power to make peace.

At Shiloh – just one battle of the Civil War – there were over 23 THOUSAND casualties.  That’s 9/11 times 7.  Come on, folks.  Let’s tighten up our language a bit before we start a LITERAL war.

Similarly, I wish my anti-Porn Christian friends would tighten up their language about “Addiction”  You don’t just toss around words like that loosely.  Porn is rarely an “Addiction”.   Addictions cost people their lives. I deal with Addicts every day.  They have lost everything with DUI’s, they stole from the Mothers, they couldn’t stop themselves even when it meant jail and even after and while they were IN jail.    Binge Eating disorder (food addiction) turns people in to thousand pound invalids inhaling whole bags of chips.

The only reason that porn causes breakups is because these “PornAddict” and “YourBrainOnPorn” advocates are telling women to break up with their husbands because of his “Addiction”.  If these frauds had left the family alone, then they would be close, intimate, and be having hot sex until they died.

Loose lips sink ships, and countries, and marriages.

Tighten up your language people.

R.I.P Batman, survived by his wife Catwoman (pant, pant)

To those of us of a certain age, there is only one REAL Batman, all the rest were merely imitating him.

Batmans wife CatWoman delivers a eulogy

Fortunately the REAL catwoman is going to be around for a long time to… ah… comfort us. (pant, pant)

The War On Naked Women

Church lady hates naked women
Put your clothes on girl

Rush Limbaugh’s undeniable truth of life says that feminism was created in order to give ugly women access to the mainstream.

I think that it’s not just the Feminists, but the church ladies also.  Not because they are ugly, but because they all THINK that they are ugly and every other woman is prettier.  They feel this way because they have been taught to uglify themselves in the name of Christ.

How else can you explain why churches hate erotic women so much when the Bible clearly likes them.  Solomon REALLY liked them.  David certainly enjoyed his housetop view.  Neither of these men were rebuked for the erotic thoughts, but for the action of stealing what was not theirs.  In fact, God approved of David’s sexual appetite. (II Sam 12:8)

Let me be clear, God is against fornication, adultery, prostitution, pimping, etc.  But he is not just neutral toward erotica, he actively promoted it.  The church ought to have the hottest women around.  The church ought to be filled with slavering men, waiting to marry one of these hotties.

The Freedom of Christ

Freedom from anti-erotica ordinances

Col 3:20 Wherefore if ye be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances,  (Touch not; taste not; handle not;  Which all are to perish with the using;) after the commandments and doctrines of men? Which things have indeed a shew of wisdom in will worship, and humility, and neglecting of the body; not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh.

The evangelical world is so consumed with making new commandments to destroy masculinity, that they cannot seem to concentrate on preaching things like the gospel of Jesus.

The commandment to not look at erotica, read about sex , or enjoy nude women comes from men and not from God.  The Bible is full of positive descriptions of sex and nude women.  Nudity was common in the ancient world.  Christians were nude in public when they were baptized.  Peter was nude when he worked.  The ladies that Paul preached to at the river were naked while they washed their clothes (poor people didn’t have multiple sets of clothing). Slaves were naked and “ashamed” of their nudity not because of sexual modesty but simply for their poverty.  No one had a problem with this hatred of sex.

The early church preached strongly again fornication.  Jesus and the disciples expected men to be faithful in their actions and in their minds.  Christian men didn’t seek opportunities (or desire to seek opportunities) to cheat.  But neither were they expected to never think about sex or look at the abundant erotic art that surrounded them.  The rich people were not commanded to strip the erotic murals from their houses.  (Check out the pictures from the ruins of Pompeii)

Seek those things which are above.  Stop  digging around to find something holy and natural with which to condemn your brethren.

#Mindfulness answer to #PornAddiction? This Psychiatrist says “NO”

Addiction is not a mood disorder
Mindfullness doesn’t cure addiction

The snake-oil salesmen of the “Christian” world are trying to cure men’s “Porn Addiction” with “Mindfulness”

No, No, No.

What is going on is a deceitful set of profit-seeking frauds (like Mark Wilson ) are attempting to latch onto the newest buzzwords (#Mindfulness, #Addiction, #Porn, and #PornAddiction) to make a buck off of sincere people who just want to serve God and live a good life.

Mindfulness is a technique of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that seeks to help people overcome mood disorders.  These Mindfulness Based Therapy (MBT) techniques have been proven to be particularly effective in Borderline Personality Disorder , Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), they can also have some effectiveness in depressive disorders.

The only way that MBT techniques work for addiction is by reducing the depression and mood disorders that underlie the addiction.

In other words, addicts use drugs, or gambling, or food or …whatever… in order to make themselves feel better when they are anxious or depressed.  So if they are BOTH depressed and addicted, the MBT will help with the depression and so also help with the addiction.

This study shows how this works

But Mindfulness is NOT USEFUL TO CURE ADDICTION by itself.

Let me explain why.  MBT teaches the patient to pay attention to the PRESENT state of his own mind and correct his beliefs and attitudes about that state of mind.

For example, in panic disorder, the patient experiences frequent periods of horrifying panic.  Their heart races, they sweat, they believe they are going to die.   Mindfulness teaches them to say, “I am now entering a state called panic.  I feel like I am going to die, but this feeling is not true.  In a few minutes I am going to feel better, my heartbeat will return to normal and I will feel fine.”  In short, the fact that they are paying attention to their state of mind, instead of the fear, reduces the fear.

Now, let’s apply this to addiction.  The addict begins to experience withdrawals.  Mindfulness says, “I am now entering a state called withdrawal, my heart is racing, I am sweating, and I will continue feeling bad until I get a fix.”  Is this really going to work?  No.

The treatment for addiction is, in fact, the opposite.  The recovering addict must pay attention to the HOPE for the FUTURE, not the PRESENT.  “In a few months, in a few years, I am going to be a better person, I will be proud of myself, therefore I will put off the temptations of the PRESENT for the FUTURE hope.”

Now, let’s apply to this “Sex” or “Porn” addiction.  Firstly, it doesn’t exist.  Sex is self-limiting.  After having received the “fix” of an orgasm, the “addict” has a certain amount of recovery period.  If he/she then repeats the sexual experience it is less rewarding, etc.  Finally after 5, 6, 10, whatever successive experiences he no longer wishes to have sex for some longer period of time.   This is the OPPOSITE of addiction.

Well, you say, what about serial adulterers/ child molesters/rapists etc.  These are entirely different situations and they have little to do with “addiction.”  They are personality disorders.  They do not hit the same areas of the brain and have completely different treatments (for example, divorce, prison and the electric chair)

Finally, “Porn Addiction”.  Like “Sex Addiction” it doesn’t exist.  Oh yes, there are men who sit all day and do nothing but porn, but the reason that they are doing this is not because they can’t get away from it, but rather that they are depressed, anxious, or bored to tears.

Ok, so what about the guy who can’t stop using porn even though his wife is watching him like a prison guard and threatens to divorce him the next time she catches the browser history uncleared.

This guy is no more “addicted” to porn than a concentration camp survivor is addicted to food.   He is being imprisoned away from the Godly desires that God implanted in him.   Instead of cutting off his balls, he needs to grow some and instruct his wife in Godly doctrine.